


Unwanted

by BloodRedLust



Category: Twilight Series - All Media Types, Twilight Series - Stephenie Meyer
Genre: Angst and Tragedy, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Family, Grief and Loss, Moving On
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-09
Updated: 2021-02-26
Packaged: 2021-03-13 06:54:29
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 30
Words: 84,837
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28649370
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BloodRedLust/pseuds/BloodRedLust
Summary: Edward couldn't bear to watch his beloved Bella being torn apart from the inside by his baby... so how might things have turned out for our favourite couple if he had taken the steps to ensure Bella's survival, rather than let his spawn kill her. Angsty little 'what if' story.
Relationships: Alice Cullen/Jasper Hale, Carlisle Cullen/Esme Cullen, Edward Cullen/Bella Swan, Emmett Cullen/Rosalie Hale
Comments: 5
Kudos: 28





	1. Unwanted

**Author's Note:**

> I originally wrote and published this story on FF net in 2008-2009 but ended up deleting it completely in 2012 in a fit of emotional angst, so now I will finally be reposting it here. I have been rebitten by the twilight bug since the release of Midnight Sun, and I plan to start writing for this fandom again.  
> This is my own work based on characters I have borrowed from Stephanie Meyer. I own nothing.  
> This is a completed story. I will be posting a chapter a day for the next 30 days.  
> I originally had about 2000 reviews on this story over on FF net, but of course I lost those when I deleted it, so if you feel inspired to review please don’t hold back, I love reading them all. Xx BRL

* * *

** Unwanted **

  
**_Edward  
_**I was losing her. Every day she died a little more, and I was the cause. I had put this monster inside her, and her love for me made her hold on to it, despite the knowledge that it was killing her.

  
Carlisle and I had discussed every way possible of ridding my beloved bride of this unwanted creature growing inside her, but regardless of what was possible and what was not, given the supernatural elements protecting the fetus, we couldn't get near enough to her thanks to her vicious bodyguard.

  
Jacob had been right. We could have torn Rosalie apart. Personally, I would have taken a little pleasure in it actually... but Emmett would never allow it. Neither would Esme, or for that matter, would Carlisle or Alice or Jasper. For all Rosalie's venom, she was still a beloved member of this family, and none of us wanted this to divide us.

  
I knew that I couldn't make a firm plan of action, or really, even a tentative decision, without tipping Alice off to my intentions. I needed her to go hunting with the rest of my family. It wasn't that I was worried my elfin sister would try to stop me; watching this thing kill Bella was almost as hard on her as it was on me... but if Bella survived, she would need Alice's help to get through this, and I didn't want to taint their relationship by giving Alice any prior knowledge of what I was about to do.

  
Still, as my family quickly and quietly exited the house, Alice turned her golden gaze on me, catching my eyes for a moment.  
_I can't see anything definite, but I know you're planning something. Do what you must Edward... but know that she won't ever get over this._  
I nodded gently, thanking her. I knew that. But I would rather have Bella alive and hating me, than dead because of me.

  
They'd been gone about a half hour; Bella's breathing was labored and painful as she sat on the sofa with the drip in her arm. Rosalie had refused to go hunting with the family, stating that she would hunt when I did... but it didn't matter at this point. Jacob was more than willing to take on Rosalie. Hell, he would do it for the fun of it; it was just an added bonus that I would be using the time he was fighting her to help Bella. He'd promised me he wouldn't kill her... but I reassured him that he would need to use all his smarts to fight her, to keep her busy. She was a strong fighter, and I would need at least 5 minutes.

"Rosalie?" I deliberately kept my voice casual and light. "Would you mind getting Bella some more water?"  
Rosalie glared at me, and shot a quick, suspicious glance at me, then Jake... then rose gracefully and walked into the kitchen. The moment her back disappeared behind the wall I mouthed to Jacob.

  
"NOW"

  
Jacob sprung to his feet to follow Rosalie, and in less than a second I had Bella in my arms and up the staircase. Carlisle's study had been set up with a hospital bed for her, and I quickly raced her into the room, laying her gently on the bed.

  
Shocked understanding filled her beautiful face. Tears poured from her eyes, she clung to me, sobbing, screaming. I steeled myself, knowing that I was doing what was best for her. I wouldn't let her sacrifice herself for my child. I would find another way to make her a mother if she wanted it this badly, but I wouldn't let her die.

  
"Please Edward. Please. Don't do this. Our baby..."

  
Her pleading nearly tore me apart. I couldn't look her in the eye. The pain in her voice was almost too much... I nearly stopped. Then I caught sight of her swollen, distended, grossly disproportionate belly, bruised and battered, and I shut her pleading out of my mind. I had to do this to save her. There was no other way.

  
"It's not a baby Bella... It's a monster, and I won't let it kill you." Deftly, I soaked a cloth with Ether and held it over her nose. She stilled almost instantly. I carefully lay Bella back on the hospital bed and pulled Emmett's massive sweatshirt up to expose the lair of the creature that was killing my mate. My fingers worked automatically, stripping her panties and sweats and swabbing her belly with antiseptic, preparing her for a C-section.

  
I could hear the fight raging downstairs between Jacob and Rosalie... and I knew that I had to work quickly. Jacob wouldn't tear her apart unless he had to, but I knew Rosalie wouldn't be so restrained. She would think nothing of ending the dogs' life to save the baby's.

If I could have cried I would have been blinded by my own tears, but I tried to control my heavy sobbing as I brought the sharp blade down, cutting just above the pubic bone. Bella's sweetly fragrant blood spilled down from the ugly surgical wound, but I was beyond being attracted by it. The idea of hurting her was killing me... what I was doing to her now was killing me. I took a deep breath, feeling the burning thirst tear through me like wildfire as I lowered my mouth to the bleeding gash and took the placenta between my teeth.

  
**_Bella_**  
I felt dizzy. Unbalanced, like I was floating... but my limbs were heavy... immovable. White haze surrounded me, pushing at the edges of my conscious mind. I knew something was wrong.  
I pushed through the fog, slowly becoming aware of more, little by little. I felt cold... numb. I was wrapped in a warm blanket, lying in a dark room. I could feel something cold and hard gripping my hand. Something that I was quite sure normally brought me comfort. But now that was gone.

I felt empty.

  
I opened my eyes slowly, needing a few seconds for my eyes to adjust to the dim lighting before I realized that I was in Edward's room, in the giant black bed. The curtains were drawn, blocking the huge glass wall so effectively that I couldn't tell if it were night or day. I couldn't hear anything besides a low moaning wail, coming from close by.

  
I tried to push myself up, lifting my head, searching for the source of the noise, but a sharp jolt of pain shot through my middle and I fell back with a groan, but not before I realized why I felt so empty. My bump was gone. My little nudger...?

  
_Oh my God, no_.

  
The cold stone thing that I held in my hand moved, stroking my arm gently, and I heard a very familiar soft velvet voice speak my name. I turned my eyes to meet his and momentarily forgot my question... shocked at what I saw in his black eyes. He looked like he was in agony. His eyes tortured, pained... like a dying man who had nothing left to lose. Then it all came back to me in a series of blurred flashes... it had happened so fast. Jacob tackling Rosalie, Edward scooping me from the room and racing up the stairs to Carlisle's study, determination in his eyes, his decision made. He wouldn't stand by and watch me die any longer.

  
He had taken our baby from me.

My heavy hand fluttered to my flat stomach. Edwards head dropped to the bed, silent sobs wracking his whole body as he continued to hold my other hand. I heard a hollow sound echo through the large room, and instantly was reminded of a whale's call, low and mournful... then I felt that sound escape my lips. It was me.

  
I snatched my hand from his, my movements slow... sluggish from the drugs. I couldn't look at him and I didn't want to be touching him. I carefully eased my violated, empty body away from my betrayer and turned on my side. Reaching up I pulled the pillow out from under my head and pushed it down under the covers, holding it against my tummy with my knees, wrapping my arms around it like I used to do with my little nudger, when he was safe and protected inside me. Blinded by my tears, I shut my eyes against them and let my shuddering sobs rock me back to sleep.

  
**_Edward_ **  
_'What have I done...?'_

  
I knelt on the floor, my elbows on the bed, facing my wife, who had turned her back on me. I hadn't moved in hours. I longed to touch her, to comfort her, but I knew that my touch would bring her no comfort right now... if ever again. In her restless, pained sleep I had attempted to soothe her with her lullaby, but almost instantly silent tears had began coursing down her face, I am sure in reaction to my voice, so I desisted.

  
The rest of my family had returned home several hours ago; apparently Alice had already filled them in on the details... and Carlisle had immediately gone to his study to examine the body of the foetus. I know I am sick and masochistic, but I still wish I hadn't heard every thought in Carlisle's head during his autopsy of my daughter's tiny body. Carlisle himself had choked back his pained sobs when he'd found her heart... fully formed, but not yet old enough or strong enough to beat for itself without the aid of her mother, whom I had torn her from. She was part human and I had killed her.

  
I had been battling with the decision to end my life since then... but that was the coward's way out now, I wouldn't leave Bella to face this pain alone. I wouldn't have even needed the Volturi to do it, I knew the wolf pack would come looking for us when Jacob didn't come home to them... even if Jacob's 'wolf pack' only consisted of Seth and Leah right now, there was no way Sam would stand idly by once learning of his pack brother's death at the hands of a vampire.

  
I had ruined everything. Bella was destroyed, heartbroken and grief stricken over the loss of our child, who had died at my hand. Jacob was dead, which meant that our century-old pact with the werewolves was broken, and now my whole family was in danger, and at best would have to relocate to somewhere far, far away from Forks, and begin everything, all over again. 

And it was all my fault.

**_Bella_**  
The next time I awoke I was alone... but I could hear hushed, very fast voices outside my door. It was Edward and Alice, and it sounded like they were arguing. I didn't really care what it was about, so I didn't bother trying to catch the words.

  
My mouth felt like sandpaper, and rasped harshly when I called Alice's name. She instantly stepped into the room, her body slumped and forlorn with her heavy steps, not her usual dancing grace. I saw Edward peer around the door behind her but I didn't acknowledge him.

  
"Can I please have some water Alice?"

  
She nodded, forcing a small sympathetic smile to her lips. "Of course."

  
That left me alone with Edward. I closed my eyes.

  
"Bella...?"

  
I shook my head quickly. "Don't. Just go away Edward."

My voice was harsher than I intended it to be, but I didn't regret my words.

  
He didn't do as I asked.

  
"Please Bella. I am so so sorry... I will do anything to make up for this..."

"Anything?" I asked scathingly. "Anything? Can you give me my son back?"

  
I was aware of him wringing his hands in despair. It reminded me of something I'd seen Esme do when she was worried. I would never get the chance to pass any of my quirks down to my son.

  
"It was a girl, Bella." He spoke so quietly that I didn't recognize the words at first. When they sunk in I was reeling. His voice was pained and broken as he continued.

"She had a heart, and brown eyes like yours, and teeth and tough vampire skin like mine. She was half human. I'd thought she was a monster."

He came forward a few steps, then fell to his knees in front of me, by the bed, sobbing brokenly. I wanted to reach out and comfort him, run my fingers through his bronze hair, hold his head to my chest... but I couldn't. I just couldn't.

"I killed her Bella. I Killed Her. I am so sorry. I should have listened to you."

  
I didn't say anything. I didn't know what to say.

  
"Please, my love. Please? Can you ever forgive me?"

  
I knew what to say now. I wouldn't lie to him.

  
"No."


	2. Chapter 2

** Shock **

  
**_Edward_**  
I sat silently watching her sleep, as I had thousands of times in the past... but it was different now. Everything was different now.

Bella hated me. But as much as that killed me, I felt relief in the fact that she was still alive to be able to do so. Regardless of what the baby had turned out to be, it had still been sucking the life from her body... killing her a little more every day, and I wouldn't live with the knowledge that my child had killed her. She was still alive, and that was all that mattered. I took comfort in her strong and steady heartbeat, and the stability of her vital signs. Carlisle had examined her, and had assured me that she would recover completely from my abrupt surgery.

  
As for the rest of her recovery... well that would depend on her.

  
My family were furious with me. Upon learning of my plan from Alice, Emmett had raced straight home to save Rosalie - only to find her with the dead baby in her arms and the dead wolf at the bottom of the stairs. It had taken Carlisle, Esme, Alice and Jasper to stop him from beheading me in the murderous rage that I had clearly heard in his head before he'd even reached the house. It would be a long time before Emmett would forgive me for plotting against his wife, though right now he mainly blamed himself for leaving her alone; unprotected. He was also very angry at Alice for not warning him... but I hadn't had much time with them to hear the outcome or fallout from that. I was too worried about Bella to pay much attention to anything else. Alice could handle herself.

  
Mainly though, my whole family were in mourning for the baby... and in sympathy for my and Bella's pain. Esme and Rose had both imagined the wondrous changes in our lives, had the child been able to join our family, and their sorrow for her loss ran almost as deep as Bella's. Yet, there was another issue. They all knew what the death of the wolf meant for our family. We were no longer safe, or welcome, in Forks.

  
Jasper wanted us to leave immediately, but Alice had given us another day until the wolves would worry enough to come to the house looking for their brother. It was Seth and Leah that would come... and I would have to give them the news. They deserved the truth, and Jacob deserved a proper burial. I owed him that, but I wouldn't put the rest of my family at risk. Alice, Carlisle and I had arranged for the rest of them to leave before the Clearwater's came to the house. I would face them alone, that way if they wanted vengeance, they could have me... not Rose. I wouldn't allow any harm to come to her over Jacob's death. It was my fault, and I would pay the consequences. I'd already done enough damage to my family.

**_Bella_ **

When I next awoke, I was alone. The room was dark, and I could hear no sound whatsoever in the house, not that that was unusual, my vampire family weren't exactly known for their rowdiness. My head was heavy, fuzzy with confusion, and the wet stain on my pillow reminded me of my sorrow at the same time that I marvelled in its refreshing coolness against my flushed cheek.

  
I tentatively lowered my hands beneath the sheet to rest against the bare skin of my now flat belly... still bruised and blackened and a little swollen, but clearly empty of the life it had contained only a few hours ago. Fresh tears flooded my vision and sobs choked in my throat, but I muffled them carefully, knowing that any noise I made above a low whisper would bring Edward instantly to my side, and I couldn't see him now. I didn't want him anywhere near me.

  
I should have known better. Of course he wouldn't have left me alone. I heard the leather on the black couch creak, moments before I felt his weight settle beside me on the bed, his gentle stone touch resting on the swollen curve of my bruised hip.

  
I cringed away from his hand, the movement hurting the fresh wound on my belly, but I didn't care. I wouldn't have him touching me. Especially not there.

  
"Get out of here." My voice wasn't harsh. I just sounded dead, even to my own ears.

  
"No, my love. I won't leave you alone."

  
I turned my head away, pressing it into the pillow to soak away my tears. "Stop calling me that," I whispered softly.

  
Silence. Nothing. No response.

  
Then I felt the bed shaking with his silent, tearless sobs. It would have torn my heart apart to see him like this... if I had still had a heart. But it had gone with my baby. Edward had removed it. I stared at him blankly, watching him break down before me, and feeling nothing. I never thought I would see the day when I felt nothing for Edward.  
  


He reached for my hand, entwining his fingers through mine, raising them to rub lightly against his cheek... whether to attempt to comfort me or himself I was unsure.

  
"I am so sorry Bella. I didn't know what she was. If we'd had an incubator ready, she might have made it... but I couldn't even take her to the hospital, even after I'd realised my mistake, they wouldn't have known what she was. Bella, you have to understand. I couldn't just sit back and watch you die, I had to take her out of you..." he trailed off, but I didn't care. He'd said enough. He wasn't sorry for violating me, just for killing her. He didn't care that he'd gone against my wishes. I turned away from him again, finding my comforting wet patch on my pillow and nestling into it.

  
"I want to talk with Rose."

  
Silence. No, not just silence... tension? I waited for his answer. It didn't come.

"Edward. I need to see Rose."

  
Again, no response.

  
Despite my anger at him, I turned onto my back slightly so that I could look up into his pained face. He wouldn't meet my gaze. My heart lurched. Something was very, very wrong. My mind raced to try to catch up.

  
Rose was my protector, yet she had failed... but if I knew Rosalie, she wouldn't have done so without a fight. A vicious fight. My mind went back to that scene in the lounge room when Edward had asked her to get me some water.

  
Jacob. She had fought Jacob. To the death?

  
_No, no, no, no, no..._

Jacob can't have killed Rose. He wouldn't.

  
Of course he would. He would have enjoyed it too.

  
_No, no, no, no, no..._

  
Urgent now, I sat up, ignoring the pain that tore through my lower torso at the movement.

  
"Edward, what happened to Rose? Is she alright? Did Jake...?" I couldn't finish.

  
Edward shook his head. "No love. Rose is fine. Emmett took her hunting. They'll be back soon. She wants to see you too. They're all very worried about you."  
  


I nodded solemnly. I knew there was something that he still wasn't telling me.

  
"Where's Jake?"

  
I needed to see him. I knew he had been on Edward's side when it came to my pregnancy, but I wasn't angry at him. Jake had never wanted me involved with the supernatural world... well not the vampire part of it anyway. Watching the baby hurt me was too much for him. I knew it was too much for Edward too, but he should have understood why I had to try to carry the baby. She was ours, we had made her with our love, and I couldn't kill her. Even though I knew she was killing me.

  
A flash of pain shot through Edward's eyes. His mouth opened, then closed again. He hung his head, just as Alice walked into the bedroom.

  
"Carlisle needs to see you downstairs."

  
"I'm not leaving her."

  
I watched the silent battle of them warring in their heads. Finally Alice sighed, taking a seat next to me on the bed.

  
"Bella, there is something else. Something very bad. I know you've already been through so much, but you need to know."

  
I nodded, bracing myself... but seriously, how bad could it be? I had already lost my child, and in all essence, my husband. What was left?

  
"We need to leave Forks. The wolves will be coming for us.

  
I stared at her, trying to figure out what she was saying. We had already dealt with the wolf problem. Jacob had deserted them, for me, and now that the baby was... _no longer a threat_ ... they had no reason to attack.

  
"They won't. Jake won't let them."

  
Alice looked over at Edward. More silent warring.

  
"Love," he spoke finally, gently, but his voice sounded detached. "Jake is dead."

I stared at him. I shook my head.

  
"You're lying. Why? Why would you say such a thing?"  
  


Then I saw Alice's face. She was crying... the only thing missing were the tears.

  
With a sickening thud, it all fell into place in my mind. The fight. His reluctance to tell me about Rose. The wolves...

  
"No. NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO."

  
I flung myself at Edward, ignoring the physical pain it caused me... pushing against him, determined to get him away from me... out of this room... out of my life. This was his fault, and I would make sure he knew it.

  
But Edward wouldn't leave.

  
I screamed.

I swore.

I cried.

  
I punched his chest until my fists were bruised and sore, until my sobs wracked my body and I collapsed. He didn't let me hit the floor, but caught me in his arms and held me to his chest, his sorrow mingling with my own as he laid us both down on the bed. I fought against his hold... not wanting his comfort, not deserving pity now that Jacob was dead, but he wouldn't let me go. He held me, pinned to his chest as I cried myself dry.

  
I wanted to die. I no longer wanted an immortal eternity with Edward at my side... I couldn't live with the pain of the loss of my daughter and Jacob for the rest of time. I didn't even want to live with it for the rest of today. I no longer wanted to transform. I just wanted to die.

  
_Edward and I sat together on the couch in his room, my legs drawn up beneath me, facing him, as he rocked our beautiful tiny daughter in his arms. She was exquisite. Tiny fingers and toes, almost too small to be real; a perfect, rosebud mouth, dark pink lips, soulful brown eyes, and the longest, most perfect bronze ringlets that I'd ever seen... too perfect to belong to a baby. She was so perfect that it hurt. I felt a sob catch in my throat, and felt a deep ache in my chest. This must be what I feels like to behold perfection. I had never imagined that anything in this world could be more beautiful than Edward... but now that I'd laid eyes upon our daughter I knew the truth. She was an angel._

_  
Renesmee... named for both her Grandmothers._

  
The sob in my throat was joined by another... I couldn't breathe around them. My chest constricted tightly, the ache turning into a dull burn, and I started to panic. I was once again alone on the bed... the strength and chill of Edward's arms was gone... but instead of feeling relief that he had released me, I started to shake.

Then, even in this semi conscious sleep-like state, I felt the thin, cold marble arms embrace me tightly, trying to still my tortured trembling with her firm body pressed against my back. I knew it was Alice from the comfort I was able to take from her touch. Edward's touch only brought revulsion from me now. Even his constant presence was painful... and yet, the tiniest part of me still loved him for not listening to me. As much as I hated him for what he had done to my child... to me... to us, having him near me was still better than being alone with my agony.

  
I rolled over in her arms, curling myself into a loose ball, cautious of the pain any movement sent shooting through my belly, and sobbed against her chest. Quietly she soothed me, her gentle touches and soft voice trying to stifle my sobs... but only making them worse as I realized she was comforting me again of a pain that Edward had caused me. I had forgiven him for leaving me... when I had thought that there would never be a pain stronger than that. But I had been so wrong.

  
"I can't bear this, Alice. I can't stand this pain... and my first instinct is to run to Edward to abate it, then I remember that it's his fault. I can't even look at him anymore. I hate him. I hate him, I hate him."

  
She held me until my sobs subsided, and my tears had entirely soaked through the front of her dress. When I no longer had any tears left in me she spoke.

  
"Edward hates himself for what he did Bella. I know he caused you this pain, but try to think of the pain he has caused himself. She was his daughter too... he has known that fatherhood was an impossibility for him, for 90 years... but he couldn't risk your life for a child. Don't you see that? Nothing is more important to him than your life Bella. Nothing."

  
Fresh tears moistened my eyes, but I was determined to keep them at bay. I should have known that Alice would defend Edward's actions, but I wasn't prepared for the pain it would cause when she sided with him. I felt like Alice was betraying me too. I gasped for breath, about to spit my reply at her, but she must have foreseen my outburst because she drew me tightly in to her chest, comforting me, and I think deliberately silencing me, while she continued.

  
"Jacob even agreed with him Bella... doesn't that tell you something? Jacob and Edward have never before agreed on anything concerning you, but both knew that carrying that child would have killed you... and neither of them could have lived with that. Jacob sacrificed himself for you Bella... and Edward sacrificed your love and trust in him... just to keep you alive. Don't shut him out Bella... he's hurting just as much as you are."

  
I pulled back and met her eyes, feeling a flow of blood returning to my arms that I hadn't realized her grip had been depriving me of... a thousand thoughts flying through my head in that moment. She stroked my hair, and kissed my head. I realized then that for the first time since the... surgery... he wasn't with me in the room.

  
"Where is he?"

  
She sighed softly.

  
"He's preparing the baby for her burial."

  
I sat myself up on the bed and started to move, cautious but determined to move unaided.

  
"Please take me to her Alice. I need to see her."

  
Alice nodded. "I knew you would. Come with me."

  
She could have picked me up to hasten the process, but I think Alice instinctively knew that I needed to do this under my own steam. Slowly and cautiously she led me by the elbow, out of the room and down the wide hallway to Rosalie and Emmett's room. Once outside she nodded to me, and I made my way alone through the doorway.

  
Edward was on his knees beside a crib that was draped in old, frothy white lace, that stood at the end of their king sized bed. Inside it lay the most perfect little girl. She looked like a porcelain doll, dressed in a fine, long white christening gown... her bronze ringlets framing her perfect face as she slept peacefully in the crib.

Except she wasn't sleeping. I knew that.

I knew it, but in this moment, I wouldn't allow myself to believe it. I went and sat on the end of the bed, opposite Edward, and gazed into the perfection of her face. _Her sleeping face_ , I reiterated.

At this point, I would embrace denial with both hands if it would help me through just another minute of this torture.  



	3. Goodbye

** Goodbye **

  
**_Edward_**  
When Emmett and Rose returned after sunset, we were still in their room. I knew that I should respect Bella’s wishes and just leave her be - let her have some time alone to say goodbye to our daughter, but I just couldn't leave her. I was too scared of what it might mean for us.

  
So I sat, quietly, unmoving, unbreathing, unblinking in the corner, on the floor, listening to Bella cry. She had taken Renesmee from the crib and curled into a ball with her on the bed; and when I had tried to approach her to comfort her she let loose such a guttural, painful growl that, for a moment, I was actually scared of her.

  
So no, there was no way I would leave her alone when she was like this.

  
Bella wanted the baby to be buried here, in the gardens of this home that held the essence of our family's love; the home we would have to leave in a few short hours, never to return to... well not in this lifetime anyway. I wouldn't argue with her; at this point, the fact that she was able to make coherent decisions both shocked and amazed me, but rather than being comforted by her strength, it scared me. I knew she hadn't accepted what had happened, so what did this mean? Was she in denial?

  
She allowed Rosalie to take the baby from her arms and place her gently inside the tiny coffin that she and Emmett had procured from somewhere where it hopefully wouldn't be missed.

Rose's tearless sobs matched Bella's drenching ones perfectly as they settled her inside, arranging her perfectly within the box. 

I wanted to say my own goodbyes, but Rosalie made it quite clear with her thoughts that if I so much as moved from my spot in the corner, she would tear me limb from limb. I didn't doubt her sincerity.

  
Still, as I watched my beloved bride gradually, yet quite deliberately, remove the ancient diamond ring from her finger and place it loosely around our daughter's big toe, I could have screamed. Everything I held dear was about to be buried in that box... but the guilt of it hung too heavily over me to even try to fight for it anymore.

  
Rosalie's thoughts were smug, even through her grief.

_I hope this haunts you forever, Edward, you murderous bastard. You never deserved either of them._

I buried my head in my folded arms and shut out every thought in the house but my own guilt and shame. I had become the monster that I had always tried not to be. I'd known myself capable of such atrocities, but that I could inflict them upon my own family made me worse than even I would have believed possible. I had never dreamed it would happen like this.

What was even the point of abstaining from human blood anymore? I was already a murderer... and this time I hadn't murdered a rapist or a serial killer to rid the world of his evil, I had killed my own child.

My own innocent, half-human child.

  
My family would be better off without me. Bella would be better off without me. They could give Bella the comfort and care that I owed her. She could be happy again... without me in her life.

  
_She just needs time. You both do._

  
I scoffed aloud as Alice's words floated into my head. For a psychic, she could be amazingly obtuse.

  
When I finally lifted my head again, I was all alone in the darkness. Good.

  
My plan started to form loosely in my head. I didn't care that Alice would know what I was doing.

My sister knew my head better than anyone else in this world. She would understand my reasons.

She wouldn't like it... but she would understand why I had to do it.

  
Bella hadn't shed a tear since she'd said goodbye to Renesmee in the bedroom, and I was surprised that that didn't change as she watched Jasper and Emmett carefully lower the tiny coffin, no larger than a shoebox, into the deep hole beside Esme's gladiolas. Carlisle stood over the grave, an old, worn bible in his hand as he read a prayer, wishing for her soul to find peace in the kingdom.

I wondered... could the spawn of a soulless vampire go to heaven... even if she was an innocent? My gaze slid across to Bella, standing arm in arm with Esme.

Yes. Renesmee was a part of Bella. She would have to be guaranteed a place with God.

  
I knew my father was more than a little nervous about burying the baby's body. Carlisle's cautious mind had suggested to me that we should cremate her... destroy all evidence, but I couldn't bring myself to do it... and I instinctively knew that Bella would be against it. Then again, what did I know about Bella. I had no right to make assumptions for her any more. She deserved better.

In my attempt to save her, I had utterly and completely destroyed her. That I had violated her body and her trust was unforgivable, and yet, I had been hoping with all my heart that was exactly what she would do. But she wouldn't, ever, I could see that now. She couldn't. I had overpowered her with my strength and determination, completely disregarding her personal choices. 

I had done it because I loved her too much to lose her. Ironically, I'd lost her anyway.

  
Emmett carried her back up to bed after the funeral, and for once, I didn't follow. I lingered in the sitting room with Carlisle and Alice, who was trying to see how my confrontation with the wolves would go... which was tricky, considering she couldn't actually see the wolves. She was instead trying to focus on how much longer we could safely stay in Forks, and finally gave us til midday tomorrow before she saw the body of the russet coloured wolf being removed from the house. It was time to move.

  
From her breathing, I could tell she was awake, but she didn't acknowledge my presence as I entered the room and sat beside her on the bed... careful not to allow my body's weight to cause any movement to the mattress that might cause her pain.

  
I ached to touch her, to hold her, to kiss her; to comfort her with my body and mind and heart. To tell her how sorry I was about the loss of our daughter. To wipe away her tears, and to make solemn promises that I would make everything alright again. To take her pain away. But I couldn't do that. Not when I was the one who caused it.

  
"We'll be leaving Forks in the morning Bella. It's not safe here any more. The wolves will soon know about Jacob. They'll be coming for us."

  
Her words were soft, but they cut like a knife.

  
"I don't want to go with you."

  
Rage tore through me, the monster in my head roared in anger.

"You are my wife, Isabella... I will not leave you behind."

  
Her face remained emotionless, unfazed by my anger. I changed tactics. My voice softened.

  
"My love, you still need medical attention. You can't get the care you need here in Forks, not without raising more suspicion."

I am a monster, the lowest of the low. I am again denying her wishes to protect my family's secret. How much more completely did I want to destroy her? 

Still, I knew she would listen. She wouldn't expose us. Even now, even after what I had done.

  
I eyed her forlorn expression for a few moments before conceding.

  
"You can go with Carlisle and Esme to Denali. I'll stay away."

  
She nodded gently. My dead heart tore within me. See? I knew she'd be happier without me around. She's finally realized what I am.

  
"Okay," I sighed deeply, unable to resist from reaching out one last time to touch her hand, hold it in mine.

"Please Bella... don't ever forget how much I love you. Please?"

  
Her only response was a fresh wave of tears.

  
 ** _Bella_**  
Carlisle checked on me again just before dawn, examining my surgical wound, taking my blood pressure, and asking me all the standard 'Doctor' questions about my bladder and bowel movements; the type of thing I wouldn't normally ever want to discuss with my father-in-law, but I just answered mechanically. I was beyond being embarrassed by my bodily functions. infact; I barely remembered I had them. I was numb.

  
A gentle knock sounded on the door just as Carlisle pulled my shirt back down over my belly. The bruising there had softened slightly to deep purplish, yellowing marks... still tender and sore when pressed, but nothing compared to the pain in the scar across my abdomen. It throbbed constantly.

  
I cautiously rolled over into a sitting position as Alice approached the bed. Against everyone's advice, I had insisted upon seeing Jacob's body before I left here for good. Alice was the only one who had offered to accompany me; with Rose and Emmett having already left, heading East straight after the funeral. Carlisles orders were that I still shouldn't be walking around too much, especially up or down stairs, so Alice had offered to carry me down to the basement where they had stored Jake's body in the wine cellar.  
  


It was a mistake. I shouldn't have gone. I would have preferred to remember him the way he was as I'd last seen him... strong, healthy... not this limp, lifeless body of a wild animal, fur matted with blood, throat torn, eyes glazed. I broke down, tears pouring, strangled sobs tearing from my throat, and the next thing I knew, Alice was handing my cradled body over to Edward. 

I started to protest. I didn't want him to touch me, but my traitorous body betrayed me and wrapped around him, holding him close as I wept and wept for my loss - all my losses. Including him.

  
I felt the fresh air hit my face as he took me out the front door. He bent down and laid me gently in the back seat of the black Mercedes. Esme was already there, cradling my head, comforting me with her soft voice. I hadn't realized I'd been screaming until I had to draw breath, and the action tore at my raw, scratched throat.

  
I stifled my sobs as I cuddled into Esme's comforting stone form, my tears immediately drenching her lap. I allowed Edward to tuck a thick quilt around me but I wouldn't meet his gaze. I knew he wanted to say goodbye to me but I couldn't bear it. I'd already said goodbye to two people that I loved today... I would happily accept oblivion rather than face the third.

  
For as much as I wanted to hate him, I knew that his goodbye would be the hardest. I wasn't ready for that yet.

* * *

  
"Esme. Will you tell me about your little boy?"

  
She angled her head down to meet my eyes, sighing as she admitted defeat. Both she and Carlisle had been begging me to get some sleep ever since we left Forks, but I felt strangely alert since I'd said goodbye to the mangled body of the massive wolf back at the house. I'd been surprised that he hadn't turned back into a human in his death... but I guess that transformation was impossible without his willing it; he had been killed as a wolf, he would be buried as one.  
Her eyes, always so kind and comforting, took on a pained look as her memories drifted back over the decades, and she recalled her hazy, human recollection of her infant son.

  
"I named him Jonah. I gave birth at the house of my widowed Aunt, where I had run to after I left my first husband, Charles. She lived in a small, quiet seaside town, not that I ever saw much of it. I was in hiding, so I only ever went out at night to walk along the cliffs. He was so beautiful. He had a mess of long, fine caramel hair... and the ocean blue of his eyes was so solid, I was sure it wouldn't change color. I had everything planned. I was going to move east with him, claim myself as a widow and start a new life where Charles would never have found us."

  
She sighed, and shifted slightly so that she could arrange me into a more comfortable position with my head resting on her lap, her gentle fingers sweeping across my face in sporadic intervals as she spoke, caressing my cheek, or rearranging a lock of hair. Her comfort was so genuine; it seemed to come as an unconscious gesture.

  
"But it wasn't to be. Jonah was weak from the time of his birth. His color was bad... his skin, fingers and toes took on a bluish tinge, and he didn't have the strength to drink for as long as he needed to grow. By the time he was four days old, his whole body was blue... even his lips and his eyelids... and then he just went to sleep one morning, and never woke up."

  
Carlisle reached his arm back between the seats to rest comfortingly on her knee. She reached over me and placed her hand on top of his, drawing strength from him as she continued.

  
"Carlisle tells me that he must have had a heart defect, to have been turning blue... and I've always wondered if he would have had it if I hadn't stayed with Charles throughout most of my pregnancy. I know that what Charles put us through during the pregnancy can't have been good for Jonah. Maybe if I'd left him early enough, Jonah would have been fine. Charles' treatment of me could have affected his heart..."

  
"Esme..."

  
She squeezed his hand again, choking back a sob. "I know love... it could have been genetic. But we'll never know for sure, will we?"

  
The three of us sat in silence for a long time, processing Esme's words, and our own thoughts. I wasn't at all surprised when Esme broke the silence.

  
"There are both good and bad people in this world, Bella," she spoke gently, again stroking my forehead with her tender marble hands. "Charles Evanson was an evil man, Bella. I won't speak of what he did, except to say that he taught me about the type of person that I never want to be... and the type of person that I have raised my children to never be. I know my family isn't perfect, Bella... but I swear to you; there isn't an evil soul among them. Everything they've done, they've done for the right reasons, with the best of intentions."

"I know," I whispered softly.

  
Her voice lowered to a whisper. "Losing your trust is worse than death for him, Bella."

  
I nodded again. "I know, but that's not my fault."

  
Carlisle finally broke the silence he'd held regarding Edward's actions. I had wondered how long it would take.

  
"No, it's not, but it's not entirely his either, Bella. He acted solely to save your life. I would have done the same thing."

  
I nodded, biting my lip. I knew that, but it didn't make it any less painful or his betrayal any less real.

  
"Neither of you will ever get over this, but it might help if you could go through this together."

  
I shook my head as fresh tears coursed from my eyes. "I can't, Esme. I can't even look at him anymore."

  
She gently stroked my hair back from my forehead.

  
"Do you still love him?"

  
I shook my head weakly, part of me wanting to scream 'No', to tell his parents that I hated him for murdering our child, but I couldn't force the words from my lips, knowing that they weren't entirely true... no matter how much I wished they were.

"I don't know. I don't know anything anymore."  



	4. Responsible

** Responsible **

  
**_Edward_**  
Bella's fragile body shook in my arms. She was broken, miserable and suffering, all because of me. With each step I took closer to the car I wished with all my heart that I possessed some of my father's Faith, because maybe with that, I could convince myself that she would recover from this. But I didn't believe that. I didn't believe Bella would ever be able to put her heartache, or my betrayal behind her. And I couldn't pray for her, because that would be a lie. I could only hope.

  
I placed her gently in the car... giving my responsibility for my treasured wife over to my parents; well, for as long as she would let them care for her, anyway. In my mind, knowing how determined my Bella could be, she would leave them... and all that reminded her of me... behind her as soon as she was well enough. Once upon a time, it was all I had wished for her... to be able to move on and put me and the supernatural world behind her... but I never wanted it to be like this. Not at this price.

  
Esme's arms encircled her automatically, and I tucked the thick quilt that Jasper had brought from the house around her, but she wouldn't meet my eyes. She wouldn't allow me a goodbye. I knew I didn't deserve it... I knew it wouldn't help me feel any closure either... but it still cut me to the bone.

  
With an agonizing sigh, I kissed my mother, hugged my father, then stood back to watch the black Mercedes speed down the drive and disappear around the bend, taking with it my heart and soul.

  
Once it was out of sight, I listened intently for the sound of the engine; the automatic gear changes; the crunch of the tires on the loose gravel... anything, just to keep her within range. But all too soon, even that was gone.

Bella was gone.

  
My body slumped down on the bottom step. Shame and self hatred engulfed me like wildfire. I am a demon. I am a monster. I deserve to burn in hellfire for eternity. Well, maybe I'd get lucky. My imminent confrontation with the wolves could very well end with me being sent there.

  
I heard Alice's concerned thoughts as she approached me, then I felt her small arms wrap around me, hugging me close as she rested her head against my back. Dearest Alice. She always had been my favourite sister.  
  


"Will she recover, Alice?"

  
With her head still against my back, Alice answered me without a word... replaying a vision of Bella... smiling, happy... holding a small baby. A human baby.

  
A wave of relief and an equally intense wave of disappointment hit me simultaneously. She would be happy again. That was wonderful. It was more than I had dared to hope for...

But the image of the human baby felt like the final nail in my coffin. She would move on, find someone else who could love her, and give her everything she deserved in life. A human mate. A new husband. I fought back my rage, knowing I had no-one to blame but myself.

  
"I'm sorry Edward."

  
I shook my head, refusing her sympathy, suddenly desperate to change the subject.

  
"So where will you two go?" I choked on the words, trying to fill the uncomfortable silence of needing to say goodbye to my sister and brother, but not wanting to let go of the last link to my family that I had left.

  
"We will be heading down to Houston to meet up with Peter and Charlotte... but we're not leaving til tomorrow."

  
I nodded faintly in agreement, but then my mind registered her words, and I spun on the step to face her.

  
"Tomorrow? No, you need to go today. The wolves are coming today."

  
Alice nodded at me like I was a simpleton. "Yes Edward, we know that... which is why we are leaving tomorrow."

  
Jasper came to join us, sitting behind Alice, encompassing her with his legs, pulling her back to lean against him. "You didn't really think we were going to let you face the wolves alone, did you?"

  
I scowled. "Why not? I deserve to have them tear me apart. I don't want you here when that happens."

  
Alice sighed. "I can't see how this will play out Edward. I can't even see any of us having a future after today... but that's nothing new when the wolves are involved."

"I know." Of course I knew... I was actually counting on it.

  
_How do you want to handle this Edward?_

  
I looked back at him, meeting his very seriously concerned gaze. I couldn't tell them my plan. They wouldn't allow me to go through with it if they knew.

  
"I don't know yet. Just follow my lead."

I looked from one to the other.

"Please... I just need some time alone, to think."

  
They nodded in unison, Alice rose first and dragged Jasper to his feet, leading him into the house, effectively ending the conversation.

  
"Thank you," I murmured quietly to their retreating backs.

  
I'm not sure how long I sat there, alone in my head for once. With my head in my hands and my thoughts with my beloved, I actually smelled the wolves approach before I heard them... something that didn't happen often. I glanced up, across the yard, to where I could see the wolves just breaking through the trees, approaching at a walk. The whole pack was coming. They knew something was wrong. I could hear it in their mind.

  
They stopped about 20 yards out from the house, forming a loose semi-circle, then three separated from the pack and walked forward. Sam. Paul. Embry. Sam's thoughts were concerned and unfriendly. I recognized Seth in the pack, anxious and confused. I longed to reassure my young friend... but I knew that was impossible. They had come seeking the truth, and I would give it to them. Mostly. I wouldn't give them Rose.

  
It was Sam who 'spoke' first.

  
_Our reluctance to break the treaty was outweighed by our concern for our brother. We just wish to see him and be assured of his safety, then we will return to our side of the line. Is Jacob here?_

  
I knew the question was just a formality. They knew Jake was here... or they wouldn't have come this far... and they wouldn't have come as a 'pack'.

  
I nodded. "He is here Sam. I apologise for causing you all such worry. I have been debating on the best way to inform you of some bad news."

  
Sam tensed. I knew I had to explain the circumstances to him before I actually broke the news, because once I did, they wouldn't want to talk anymore... and if nothing else, Billy Black deserved to know the reason for his son's demise.

"You know of Jacob's love for Bella. We all do. I planned to remove the child within her; the child that was killing her... and Jake offered to help."

  
A low growl rose from one of the pack. I saw his thoughts run through the packs mind.

_They killed him._

Snarls erupted from the pack, almost as one... and I saw the bristles rise upon the backs of the three wolves closest to me.

  
I held my hands up... sensing that I only had seconds left to complete my explanation. Alice and Jasper, despite my warnings, had both come to flank me, showing their support... but if this was going to come to a fight, I didn't want them involved. I had enough blood on my hands already, without adding that of my favourite siblings.

  
My voice rose higher than I intended, struggling to be heard of the increasing volume of the packs growls.

  
"I accept full responsibility, Sam. I allowed him to fight, knowing the passionate emotions behind Bella's protector. I hadn't thought it would go as far as it did, but I knew it to be possible. I am to blame for Jacob's death."

  
As I spoke the word 'death', the small wolf that I recognised as Seth choked out a sorrowful, soul wrenching howl, head thrown back, eye's sad and mournful, and dripping with tears. Actually, as I looked around the pack, I noticed more tears- intense sadness. They had feared this outcome, but still hoped for a miracle. I could sympathise.

  
_Who?_

Sam snarled the word at me. I knew his meaning, but I would not give him my sister's name. The blame rested with me.

  
"It was my fault Sam. I let him sacrifice himself to save Bella."

  
 _TELL US WHO!_ was his instant, vicious reply.

  
I stood unfazed. "Me. If you want vengeance, you can have me. I won't resist."

  
"Edward, No." Alice's disbelief shone through her thoughts, but all I could do was reach back to gently squeeze her hand.

  
Sam nodded, resigned.

_Go get Jacob._   
  


Jasper broke his silence. "I'll go get the wolf's body?"

  
I shook my head in response to Jasper. "I'll get him." I turned and walked silently back into the house, leaving Alice and Jasper incredulous behind me on the stairs.

  
I sped down to the cellar and scooped Jake's matted bloody body gently up into my arms. Despite my grief and despair, I couldn't help noticing the stench that still clung to him. I laughed in spite of myself, taking a second to playfully ruffle the fur on his head.

"You still stink, dog."

  
I heard noise on the stairs. I should have known that they wouldn't make this easy.

  
"Edward, we can't let you do this."

  
I turned towards the foot of the stairs and looked down at my tiny sister, then slid my gaze across to her husband... who looked just as forlorn and confused by this sudden turn of events as she did. They didn't realize that I had planned this. My decision involved the wolves, so Alice couldn't have seen it coming. I had accepted my fate. I just hadn't predicted that they would be here to watch.

  
"I don't really see another option, do you?"

  
Alice hung her head, ashamed to admit that she did not.

  
"Alice. Jasper. I love you both. You are the best family I ever could have hoped for. You... all of you, have given me a better life than any monster deserves to experience, and I am so proud of you all. Please, pass that on to them for me? Tell them all that I love them. All of them. Even Rose." I laughed bitterly, trying to joke... but they didn't join in. “Especially Mom and Dad."

  
Jasper nodded. I leaned towards them in turn, hugging them goodbye with one arm, while I held Jake cradled in the other.

  
"One more thing... Please look out for her for me. I want her to be safe. I want her to be happy. I know you'll help that happen... Both of you."

  
Alice threw herself against my chest, burying her head into the crook of my arm. I kissed the top of her head.

  
"Stay down here, please? I don't want you to see this."

  
Alice started sobbing, but Jasper easily tore her from my arms, pulling her to his chest. I didn't waste a second. I raced up the stairs and out the front door.

The wolves had moved. The whole pack now stood in a circle at the foot of the stairs... and they looked up at me as one when I appeared in the doorway with their fallen brother in my arms. Seth and several others were lying on the ground.

  
Slowly, solemnly, I walked down the stairs and entered the circle, placing Jake's body gently down on the ground in the centre of it. I turned to Sam.

  
"My deepest sympathies and regrets to you all. Please, please tell his father that he died nobly... protecting something that he loved. He saved her life. He should be honoured for that."

  
Sam nodded... his thoughts, the packs thoughts, ran as easily through my head as if they were speaking aloud... and it was as such that they asked me their next question.

  
_You will not give us the name of the leech that killed our brother?_

  
I shook my head. "No. I cannot. I told you, I am responsible."

  
Sam shook his head too.

_That isn't good enough. We want the bloodsucker responsible for ending his life, or we will wage an all out war on your entire family, and any other blood suckers who come between us and our rightful vengeance._

  
I felt my spine stiffen at his words.

  
_Do you want a war, Leech?_

  
I growled. "No."

  
A heard another thought then - not Sam's, but I couldn't distinguish its owner from the plural of the packs mind.

_Their leaders' life, in exchange for our rightful leaders'._

  
_Hmm,_ thought Sam.  
 _Interesting idea. Yes, I'll accept that. A leader for a leader. We'll take your leader, in exchange for you killing Ephraim's heir... the Doctor's life for Jake's._

  
I growled viciously in response. "NO."

I heard Alice and Jasper coming up the basement stairs fast, then they were behind me.

  
"What is it?" She asked softly, so that only I could hear.

  
My voice was pained and angry as I replied.

"They don't want me. They want Carlisle."


	5. Introspect

** Introspect **

  
**_Bella_**  
The Mercedes sped through the daylight hours, impossibly fast, without seeming to turn a head. It was like we were invisible. I couldn't help a small internal laugh as I imagined Carlisle possessing vampire super powers - fantastic ideas of his special abilities including a cloaking mechanism inbuilt to his rocket powered car that effectively hid us from weak, unsuspecting human eyes.

  
Funnily enough, up until two years ago, I might have actually believed vampires to be able to possess such dark, extraordinary gifts... that is, if I had believed in vampires at all back then.   
Every single perspective I had on the world had changed though, once I met Edward.

  
 _Edward_. I sighed, fresh tears springing to my eyes even as I thought his name.

  
The aching, gaping hole in my chest had returned... but this time it was accompanied by an identical hole in my womb. I ached for my baby; my heart ached for her, my arms ached to hold her, my breasts ached with a backlog of the milk my body produced at a rapid rate... milk that would never get it's chance to feed and sustain her rapidly developing body... but, although I was ashamed to admit it, all of these aches for my baby paled in comparison to the ache I felt for Edward.

  
My little nudger wasn't a monster. She never had been, I knew that from the very beginning, and if Edward had just listened to me, trusted me when I tried to tell him about her, then none of this would have happened. He hadn't realized until after he had torn her from me that he was wrong about her, and by then, it was too late. She was gone. 

I didn't care that my body wasn't strong enough to survive her - if he had helped me, we could have found a way. Then he could have turned me, after her birth, and we could have been a family. I could have given him a child. 

No. Not could have. Did. I gave him Renesmee, and he killed her. Maybe he was a monster after all.

  
I chided myself internally. No. I didn't really believe that at all. Even after everything, I didn't believe Edward was a monster.

  
Esme stayed in the backseat with me for the entire journey. She tried several times to make casual conversation with me, but I wasn't in the mood for it. I hoped she didn't think me rude for refusing to chatter mindlessly while my child's burial was freshly replaying itself again and again through my mind. Esme gave me a sad smile and tucked me in against her side. She understood.

  
Twice I asked them to drop me off at an airport so that I could hop a flight to Phoenix. They'd fulfilled their promise to Edward, they'd gotten me safely out of Forks, but with kind smiles, they dismissed my requests immediately, telling me I was better off with them, for the time being at least. I wasn't well enough to be on my own yet.

  
We made several stops along the way to allow for my human needs to be met, but neither Carlisle nor Esme complained about the inconvenience, or my slow pace. At the border Carlisle wordlessly handed over three passports, and we were on our way again within moments.

  
The next border crossing wasn't as uneventful. The cranky, heavy set woman was all ready to insist on running a complete background check on Carlisle... until he stepped out of the car to speak to her face to face. I couldn't hear what he said, but Esme's amused smirk informed me that he had most likely turned the Cullen 'dazzle' on her... and a few minutes later we were speeding away from the checkpoint with fresh stamps in our passports and pleasant wishes to 'enjoy our stay'.

  
I sat quietly, eyeing the third ever stamp in my passport. It was of a bear, standing on its hind legs over the letters ALCAN. The bear reminded me of Emmett, and I hoped that he and Rose would find happiness together in New York, despite being separated from their family. The passport itself reminded me of Edward. All three of the reasons for its use had revolved around him... the most recent being our honeymoon... dated only 6 weeks ago.

It felt surreal that only six weeks ago we were newlyweds and planning our eternity together and now? Nothing.

  
I fell asleep again soon after, dreaming that the chilled steel arms around me belonged to another, only to wake suddenly in fright as those arms became snakes that were squeezing me, tighter and tighter... choking the life out of me. I woke trembling, silent tears streaming down my face, but I couldn't allow Esme to comfort me the way she wanted to, her arms felt too similar to his. Instead I sat up in the seat, positioning myself as far away from her as I could, gazing out of the dark tinted window at the darker night sky.

  
At first I wasn't sure what I was seeing. Green shiny swirls were dancing and swaying across the black sky. At first glance I thought of fireworks... but they just exploded, they didn't move with this ethereal grace. Carlisle's gentle voice supplied me with their name.

"Northern Lights, Bella."

  
Of course. Northern Lights. Their magical beauty held me entranced as I watched them cavorting across the skyscape.

  
I huffed defiantly. I seemed to be a sucker for magical beauty, didn't I?

  
Angry at myself, I turned away from the window and lay down across the seat, again resting my head on Esme's leg, and pulled the quilt over my head. Why did everything have to remind me of him?

  
All I wanted was to hate him, but in true Bella Swan style, I couldn't even do that properly.

* * *

  
I woke as Carlisle pulled into the drive of a very opulent looking, sprawling white brick homestead... thick white columns supporting the front terrace, and sprawling, lush green lawns surrounding the property in every direction. Two fat horses grazed in a nearby field, and a third, even heavier looking horse was tied outside a row of stables, sweating heavily and looking like it had just had a workout. Kate appeared from inside the stable and waved a friendly greeting towards our approaching car.

  
Clearly they were expecting us. I wondered what they had been told about the situation. I also wondered why I hadn't considered how uncomfortable this temporary living arrangement would be before now - these were still Edward's family members, they had been present at our wedding, so how would they feel about me for ending the marriage so quickly?

  
In the seconds that it took for Carlisle to pull the car to a halt in the circular drive, Kate was already there waiting, holding my door open for me as she helped me from the car. She didn't seem angry with me at all... infact; her wide smile was friendly and inviting.

  
"Greetings Bella. Welcome to our home."

  
I smiled back, nodding my head slightly, in greeting.

  
"Please excuse my appearance; I'm sure I smell like a stable. Come inside and we can all freshen up, and then I'm sure you would like to see your rooms Bella, so that you can rest?"

I politely shook my head, a little shy about making arguments already, but the last thing I felt like doing was even more resting.

  
"Actually, I was sort of hoping you might introduce me to your horses, if that's alright? I've been resting for weeks... I need a little exercise."

  
Carlisle shot me a warning gaze, but a grinning Kate comforted him before I even had the chance to open my mouth, holding his hand steadily in both of hers.

"Don't worry Doc, I won't be giving her show jumping lessons just yet."

  
She kissed his cheek, then turned and hugged Esme. I heard her say something, and Esme's quick buzzing response, but it was too fast for me to make out the words.

  
We walked slowly, in a slightly awkward silence over to where the heavyset black horse stood, still tied to the stable door. He turned his head curiously towards me, and as I approached him, my hand held out for him to sniff, he gently nuzzled my palm with his soft, rubbery lips... searching for food. I laughed when his whiskers tickled my hand.

  
I stroked my hand down his thick, heavily muscled neck, the thick mane reminding me of the way I used to tangle my fingers in Jake's fur.

  
"What's his name?"

  
She ran her hand down his neck. "Dejeuner. He's my favourite. The two mares over there are Naiad and Folly.

  
I frowned; trying to remember my French lessons, then gave her a small grin when it came to me. "Dejeuner... as in 'Lunch Time?'"

  
She grinned back, clapping the horse on his sleek, smooth shoulder. "Loosely translated, yes. It's sort of a family joke. Carmen and Eleazar always joke that they need not go hunting, when I have several adequate meals standing out there in the field."

  
I laughed at that, always amused when my family made such blasé jokes about their diet. My 'former' family my head nagged quickly. If I'm not with Edward anymore, they are no longer my family.

  
I tried to shake those thoughts off, but the lingering doubt remained. If I wasn't with Edward anymore, did that mean I would have to give up the rest of the Cullens too? Regardless of what happened between Edward and me, I couldn't image my life without them. They were as much a part of me now as he was... or had been.

I didn't want to think about it.

  
Sensing my distraction, Kate finished tending to her horse and led him quickly into the stable, locking him in for the night, then turned and led me quietly up to the house to show me to my room.

  
The inside of the house was like nothing I had ever seen before in my life. Colours, vibrant and bright, shone from every wall, every window... even from the ceiling. Where the Cullen's preferred light solid colours; Kate's family were entirely the opposite. There were African sculptures, Oriental weavings and artworks from practically every country and region that I had ever heard of... and quite possibly a few that I hadn't. A life-size timber carving of a Sumatran Tiger greeted us as we rounded a corner into what had to be the largest games room in existence. In pride of place at the Eastern side of the room was a massive marble snooker table... along the western wall was a bank of computers that would make even Bill Gates jealous... and as I turned to follow Kate through the room to another hall I couldn't help but notice the largest bookcase I'd ever seen in my life, every shelf stacked high with what had to have been every single board game that had ever been invented. I was flabbergasted at the opulence of it all... and this was just one room!

  
Kate noticed my reaction and smiled kindly, waiting for me to adjust before she led me to my room, then left me to go and clean herself up. She'd told me that Tanya had spent most of the day in the kitchen, preparing me a meal to welcome me to Denali for the first time... after all, it wasn't every day that they got human guests. They were all a little excited.

  
I sighed, closing my door softly behind her retreating back. Of course I was glad they were all treating me so well, they were obviously trying to make me feel welcome, but they were treating this like I had just come here to have a fun vacation... not like I was recovering from losing my daughter, best friend and husband all in one go. I felt like I'd actually been ripped out of reality, and thrown into this bizarre world where I was just a performer in a play... dutifully saying my lines and going along with things until the curtain fell and I could excuse myself, and return to my normal life.

  
The part that really hurt me was that normal life consisted of me and Edward, together, in love, and living in Forks. None of that was even possible any more.

  
I went through the motions, and got myself freshened up so that I could attend this welcoming dinner that our hosts were putting on for me. I had considered about a dozen different excuses for skipping it, but in the end I decided that it would be better for all of them to see that I was actually coping with all of this... the sooner Carlisle decided that I was 'better', the sooner he would let me leave.

I loved them all... but since the death of my child, I wanted nothing more than to just be alone... with my thoughts, my anger, and my grief.


	6. Pain

**Pain**

  
**_Edward_**  
I was torn. I didn't want to fight them. I wouldn't kill them, but I wouldn't allow the wolves to destroy my family either. I had offered myself in penance; they declined. End of story.

They had no rights to Carlisle, now or evermore. My father would not be made to pay the price for my actions. No matter what they did, I would not give them his location. I would rather that they killed me.

  
Again, I turned and growled at Alice, begging her to leave me to my fate, to let the wolves end me. But she would not. I could hear Jasper, telling me to wait it out, he was working on calming them down, but that would only be a temporary solution. No. They may as well just kill me and be done with it.

  
I growled again, this time in pain. My empty left sleeve flapped lightly in the afternoon breeze, my shoulder screaming in protest, as I watched my arm flopping uselessly on the ground by the large, black wolf. Part of me ached to have it back... while another part of me just wished they would start the fire and get this over and done with already.

  
I watched as a gray wolf tensed, preparing to lunge at me, and I closed my eyes... waiting for that inevitable death blow. It didn't come.

  
_'ENOUGH... STOP IT, NOW... this won't bring him back.'_

I glanced around until I met the eyes of the young wolf that had spoken, then bowed my head in shame at the pain I saw in Seth's eyes. I felt a mental shudder go through them, and all of a sudden a gloomy calm permeated the whole pack... but it didn't feel like Jaspers' kind of calm. This felt like resignation.

  
The young wolf stepped forward and picked up my dismembered arm in his mouth. Slowly, he crossed the circle, his eyes never leaving mine... and dropped it at my feet. Tears streamed from his eyes, dripping from his fur, as his black eyes bore into mine.

_'I trusted you.'_

  
"I know Seth. I'm so sorry."

  
Sam approached us quickly, rubbing his head against Seth shoulder to comfort his young brother in an animalistic gesture as old as time.

_  
'Seth is right... we have business to attend to. But know this... The treaty is broken. You are once again our blood enemies. Leave this town tonight... now... and never return, for you will not be granted a truce again. If we ever cross paths with you again, we will kill you all.'_

  
I nodded my agreement. We were officially banished from Forks... but I couldn't help but be disappointed that they had allowed me to keep my pathetic existence. For their generosity had given me the one thing that I knew I couldn't bear to live with... an eternity knowing that I had betrayed my beloved bride, and murdered my own miracle child. An eternity of pain. I couldn't help but wonder if that was maybe the point to letting me live.

  
No. These were good kids, who'd seen enough death for one day. I'm sure they didn't think maliciously... even towards me, who most certainly deserved it.

  
I watched them as they gathered their ranks and carried Jacobs' body between them, making slow progress across the lawn as they headed for the trees. I bent, slowly reaching for my twisting, writhing limb, and deftly held it in place until the skin reknitted. I flexed my fingers, testing them. Good as new.

  
Without a word I turned and walked slowly toward the garage. There was only one place left for me in the world now... I wasn't welcome there, but I couldn't stay away.

  
I threw back the dust cover from the red Ferrari in the deepest corner of the garage. Not the most inconspicuous choice of transport, but it was all I had left of her. It was funny that I should feel that way about a car that she had never seen, let alone set foot in, but it still comforted me. This car reminded me of a time when my beloved and I were happy... when trust actually meant something between us.

  
I gunned the engine, threw it into gear, and flew out of the garage, already doing 70 by the time I reached the wide doors. I heard Alice and Jasper's parting thoughts in my head as I screamed past them, the gravel flying away beneath my wheels.

_'We love you'._

_'Good Luck.'_

* * *

  
**_Bella_**  
I didn't want to get out of bed. It was warm, safe here. Sleep was an escape. The drug that Carlisle was giving me for the pain ensured me a comatose-like sleep... no dreams... it was bliss. I didn't even feel guilty for taking them... even though the pain I felt now was more emotional than physical. The long scar across my abdomen had closed nicely, according to Carlisle. I had to take his word for it. I couldn't bring myself to look at it.

  
I hadn't been out of my room since my first night here, what I assumed to be about a week ago. I couldn't be sure. The amount of times that the sun had risen and set outside my window just hadn't seemed important enough to count.

  
Kate had been in several times, clad in stylish jodhpurs, inviting me to join her for a leisurely ride... but I declined. Ever since I learned on that first night at the dinner table that Kate's mare, Folly, was heavily pregnant, I had lost any and all interest in the horses. I knew exactly why too. I was jealous... bitter. Jealous of a horse. I knew it was irrational, but I didn't care. I didn't want to be anywhere near them.

  
Esme came often to sit with me, and as much as I loved her for her kind heart, I couldn't help but feel just a little responsible for the pain I could see in her beautiful golden eyes. Pain at having her family torn apart. Pain that I couldn't forgive Edward.

  
I cringed as I thought his name, even as my traitorous heart rejoiced at the reminder of him. I wanted so badly to purely hate him, but I physically couldn't. I knew he still loved me, and I knew he only acted to save my life. But how could I love someone who could murder an innocent baby, no matter what his intentions were?

  
I missed her presence within me. I sometimes felt little spasms inside me... more often than not, they were just the gurgling of my starved tummy, but they always reminded me of my lost little nudger.

  
They all brought me food, often, trying to tempt me with various aromas of exotic meals from various corners of the earth... and when that didn't work they tried plain, simple fare... like scrambled eggs on toast, or tinned soup. But I just wasn't hungry. They tried hot foods and cold, solids and liquids, but nothing could entice me.

When Carlisle told me I was suffering from depression, I nearly laughed. I could have told him that. Then he told me he wouldn't be giving me any more painkillers, because they seemed to be making me worse - instead prescribing me with a daily dose of Prozac and insisting I take a regular walk around the grounds. The laughing mood went away but I didn't protest. I knew it wouldn't do any good.

  
That night, I tossed and turned, unable to find a comfortable position to sleep in. I'd gotten so used to being knocked out by the pain medicine that without it, sleep was eluding me. When I finally drifted off, it was to the same dark, disturbing dreams that I had suffered with during my pregnancy - a small, innocent faced child tied to a cross, protruding from a pile of bones and bodies of all the people that I loved. I shivered in fear, tears pouring down my face, unable to stand another moment of this nightmare world, when all of a sudden it stopped. Strong, bright ribbons wound themselves around me and the sweet, smiling child in my arms... protecting us, cradling us both.

In this dream, I couldn't tell if the child was a boy or a girl, but it didn't matter. I knew it was my child, and I knew they were safe. I allowed the fear and the pain to fall away as I fell into a restful, comfortable sleep with my child in my arms, bound together with silver ribbons as strong as steel.

  
  
 ** _Edward_**  
I slithered, unseen, a ghost on the dark city streets of Anchorage, Alaska. I was on my way to her, but I was stalling, trying to buy some time before I saw her again. No one noticed me or, if they did, they didn't spare me a thought. I hated big cities... they were too cold, too impersonal. 

It was always easier for us to hide what we were in a city, but it came at such a price to our personal calm, that it just wasn't worth it. We all preferred quiet little country towns... like Forks; and Denali, where my Bella was now... hiding... from me.

  
I tried to block out all the thoughts... there were literally hundreds of them, murmuring in a loud uncomfortable buzz in my ears. Oh, how I wished I could just turn it off. Adulterers, liars, cheats, thieves and brigands and their thoughts of justification filled my head, poisoning my mind with their evil. I was so used to this that it usually didn't bother me any more. But there. There it was. One whose thoughts I couldn't ignore. A rapist.

  
My head snapped in the direction it was coming from, and I subconsciously started my hunt. I would not allow this bastard to destroy anyone tonight.

  
I turned down a lane way between a butcher's shop and a dry cleaner. The thoughts got louder. I heard a sickening blow as he struck her. I heard a girl scream, short but high pitched, before the sound became muffled... most likely by his hand.

  
Blinded by my sudden rage, I tore into the dumpster alley and rounded on the pair, a deep growl tearing from my throat. Effortlessly I hit him with the back of my hand in the face, sending him sprawling into a pile of boxes six feet away. The girl screamed again. I turned on her.

  
She was only young. Still a teenager. Her long, brunette hair was swept back in a ponytail, leaving exposed the bleeding fresh gash on her face from where the bastard had hit her so hard he split her skin.

The scent of her fresh blood... so close... so available... was intoxicating.

  
I closed my eyes and grit my teeth. No, I would not do any more damage to this girl.

  
"Run home, now."

  
She didn't respond, but after one final confused stare at me, then at her attacker, she decided she didn't want to know how I did that, settling quickly on the idea that I must be a superhero. I might even have laughed at her thought, had I not already been so irate. She turned, still clutching her bleeding face, and sprinted down the alley.

  
I turned to face the monster. He was trying to pull himself up to a standing position, but his head was still swimming from my blow. He was short and stocky, with a vile mind. He reminded me of another man, not so long ago, who had intended to hurt Bella in the same way. I had let that monster live... because I didn't want to be a killer any more. But what did that matter now? I had killed my own child. I was a killer. I was a monster of the worse kind... no better than this piece of scum in front of me. Surely it would make me more of a monster to allow this rapist to live.  
Without another second of hesitation, I lunged for him. What did it matter now?

  
As the sweet, warm life giving fluid trickled down my throat, my decision was made. I couldn't ever make it up to Bella... but I could help make the world a safer place for her, and for the tiny child I had seen in Alice's vision... to live in. I would still protect her. I had to. After all, what else was I good for, but killing?

* * *

I shouldn't be here. Carlisle had told me over the phone how much Bella was struggling to recover, and he was quite certain that my presence wouldn't help her situation one bit. He had practically ordered me to stay away... but he should have known better than to even try. She was my whole world. I couldn't leave her to suffer alone.

  
She was so thin. Her baggy, old sweats were even baggier than they had been... her cheekbones protruded at a sickening angle through her pale, lifeless skin... her once delicious smelling chocolate tresses now lay clumped, oily and dank, on her pillow. I ached at the sight of her. I didn't know what to do, but I had to do something. I couldn't leave her like this.

  
She rolled over, her arm shooting out suddenly as if reaching for something, and called out loudly in her sleep.

  
"E.J... Nooo."

  
Before I realized that I'd moved, I was crouching alongside her bed, my hand tingling instantly in reaction to her warm, bare skin as I touched her arm. She stilled instantly. Tentatively, I eased my body onto the bed beside her, sliding myself in where I belonged, next to her weak form on the large bed, automatically wrapping my arms around her and holding her to me, positioning her so that she slept with her head on my chest, as she had done for the past two years.

I rejoiced when she snuggled against me, wrapping her arms around my waist as if she were embracing a small child. I knew that, come morning, things would be very different... but the fact that subconsciously she still wanted me, or at least, her body did, was a comforting thought. It was enough for now, anyway.


	7. Ambivalent

_**Bella**_  
It was late morning when I finally awoke from the most restful sleep I'd had in weeks. My body felt relaxed and calm, and for the first time in over a week, I actually felt like getting up.  
I took a long, hot shower, taking that extra time to do all the little things like wash my hair and shave my legs and armpits. Someone had even gone to the trouble of stocking my bathroom with my favorite strawberry shampoo and a freesia body wash. It actually felt good to be clean again.

  
I found my clothes neatly stacked away in the wardrobe and pulled on an old pair of jeans... then had to search for a belt because they didn't seem to want to stay up. I teamed it with a warm sweater, and a pair of boots... deciding that I might as well take Kate up on her offer of getting acquainted with the horses today... I would just steer clear of Folly. It seemed like a good way of fulfilling Carlisle's other requirement of getting some exercise.

  
I was impressed. Carlisle's Prozac seemed to have done its trick much quicker than I had expected... at least, that's what I was attributing my altered mood to... right up until I heard a faint knock on the door and turned, coming face to face with Edward, bearing a tray of fresh fruit and hot buttered toast. Snippets of my dream came back to me, and I suddenly realized why I felt so secure when bound to my child with the strong ribbons in my dream. They weren't ribbons at all. Edward had held me last night.

  
In that instant my tentative hold on my good mood vanished, and I quickly turned my head, refusing to meet his eyes. I spun slowly on my heel and went back to the bed, curling up in the middle, pulling the covers up to disguise my shape. I heard his sigh of disappointment, but I didn't care.

  
"Good morning Bella." I heard the tentative, friendly greeting, and I knew that this must be hard for him... but if he thought it would only take me a week to get over him stealing my baby from the safety of my womb, then he was sorely mistaken. I barely recognized my voice as I responded; it was so full of venom.

"It was, until you showed up."

He tried again, his voice forcibly bright, seemingly deliberately ignoring my hateful retort.

  
"I brought you some breakfast. You're too thin, love, you need to eat something."

  
There was genuine pain; concern for me, in his voice... but I didn't care. I didn't want anything from him. Not now, not ever again.

  
"I'm not hungry. Just go away."

  
My traitorous stomach chose that exact moment to betray me to Edward, growling loudly in protest at my false statement. I felt the bed move slightly as he sat on the edge and slid the tray towards me.

  
I lashed out, punching the tray from beneath the quilt, sending it flying into the wall with a loud, metallic crash. I couldn't stop myself. I kicked and thrashed on the bed, and when I found a solid target beneath my boots, I kicked even harder. I sat up, half blinded by a curtain of damp hair as I hit him, punching and slapping any surface I could connect with. I hadn't realized that I was crying... actually, it was more like wild screaming, until I heard footsteps... and suddenly it wasn't Edward in front of me anymore... it was Carlisle. He held my wrists, gently, yet effectively restraining me, pinning me to the bed until my hysterical fit had passed. I could see Esme across the room, holding Edward in her arms, trying to talk to him... but his attention was still fully focused on me. Carlisle spoke first.

  
"Edward, I think you should leave, son. Esme, please fetch my medical bag."

  
With a sigh of tormented resignation, Edward allowed his mother to lead him from the room. She was back in an instant, handing Carlisle his bag... and after a second or two he withdrew from it a shiny needle. My eyes widened in shock as he slid it neatly in under my skin.

  
"It's just a mild sedative, Bella. You need to keep resting today."

  
I nodded obediently, already starting to feel drowsy.

  
"Please Carlisle. Please just keep him away from me. I can't..."

  
I didn't get to finish my sentence. Everything went black. But the sympathetic look in Carlisle's gentle, golden eyes told me he understood.

  
  


**_Edward_**  
Once clear of her room, I ran. I didn't pause to answer Carmen and Tanya's concerned thoughts as I passed them in the games room. I didn't care that it was a sunny day, and that my skin shone like a beacon, as I tore across the field and burst into the forest. I didn't have a destination in mind... but my mindless flight seemed to lead me directly South, across the mountain ranges and towards the city of Anchorage.

  
I roamed the city streets in a daze, keeping to the late afternoon shadows as I impatiently waited for nightfall... when I could truly start my hunt. Several candidates worthy of destruction stood out from the crowd... but there was one in particular whose thoughts haunted me all afternoon, inescapable... and I followed him carefully as he inadvertently led me to his hostage.

  
I watched as he ducked under a broken, boarded up door in the side of a condemned house on a back lot over the river. I could hear more voices inside the house... it seemed he had an accomplice, whose job it was to stand guard over their victim.

  
"Mick. Where the hell you been all day, man?"

  
Their voices continued, low and muffled, but I didn't bother trying to hear them. I focused on the breathing of the woman tied to a chair; I could hear her whimpering softly to herself as the men spoke. She was thinking she was going to die. She knew her husband didn't have the money for her release. She wasn't who Mick had thought she was when he'd leapt into her idling car at the traffic lights two nights ago. He'd mistaken her for the wife of a wealthy politician.

  
They were hired thugs... that much was clear from their conversation. They were holding her for a ransom, which it appeared they had just learned they weren't going to get. Their muted conversation now was about how they should kill her, the accomplice suggesting that they each get a chance to 'play' with her first. They spoke so calmly, as if they were deciding between Thai and Mexican for dinner. They didn't realize that it was themselves who only had seconds left to live.

  
I sped into the room... grabbing the guard quickly and simply snapping his neck, letting him fall to the floor. Mick's eyes widened in terror. The woman gave me a frantic look. I took him easily with one hand by the throat, squeezing lightly... enjoying the passionate fear I could see shining in his eyes. I pushed him towards his victim. She whimpered again.

"Untie her," I commanded. Confused, still scared... Mick did as I ordered.

  
The woman stood up, warily stepping behind the chair to put more of a distance between herself and me, unconsciously rubbing the indents from the ropes out of her wrists. She wasn't sure, but she thought I might have been there to cause her more harm.

  
"Apologize to her," I demanded softly. Mick scrambled, taking that moment to try to run away from me. I stamped my foot down on his, snapping his ankle. I growled.

  
"I said apologize to her."

  
Mick screamed out in pain... murmuring out a muffled, tearful "I'm sorry."

  
I nodded. Turning to the woman, I tried to keep the rage out of my eyes.

  
"You should go home to your husband."

  
She nodded and, without another second's hesitation, she ran for the door. In the doorway she paused, spinning back around to look at me.

  
"Thank you."

  
I nodded. She ran.

  
I turned my attention back to my dinner. There would be two less murderers on the streets tonight.

* * *

  
  
I arrived back at the Denali house in the very early hours of the morning. Carlisle had been waiting for me. He met me at the door and turned me back around, insisting with his thoughts that I join him for a walk.

  
He looked across at me from under his lashes with an intense look of disappointment in his eyes. I hadn't seen that look from Carlisle in decades.

  
"Alice called."

  
I nodded. Of course she had seen what I'd been doing in Anchorage. I hadn't given her any thought since I'd left her and Jasper in Forks.

He stopped me, reaching out to put both his hands on my shoulders, insisting I meet his burning gaze. The bright porch light hit my irises, bouncing back the reflection of the newly red gleam to my eyes. Carlisle shook me angrily.

  
"What are you doing to yourself, Edward? You can't let this destroy everything you've worked so hard for, for nearly a century. You mustn't punish yourself for this, you did nothing wrong, son. You saved her life."

  
I growled, suddenly angry with my father.

  
"I am a monster, Carlisle. Surely, even you can't deny that now. I killed my own child. But I am determined now; I will make the world a safer place for her, so she can move on with her new life. I will never let her get hurt again. I have to do this to protect her."

  
"Edward. Don't be so naïve. You can't kill every evil creature in this world." I narrowed my eyes, arrogance and sheer desperation stirring within me. "I can at least try. What else am I good for?"

  
**_Bella_ **

I'd been sleeping all day, so it wasn't surprising that I was having such a restless night. Carlisle's sedative had worn off, but it didn't feel right for me to go wandering around this house at 4am, even though I knew all of the other residents would be awake. I just didn't know if I should leave the safety of my room yet. I felt safe in here. Besides, I didn't know if Edward was still here, and I didn't want to risk a replay of my dramatic little outburst before.

It was true, what I'd said to Carlisle. I didn't want Edward near me. I didn't want him checking up on me, and I didn't want him worrying about me... but as much as I hated to admit it, I didn't exactly want him to give up on me either. Part of me was elated that he had come to Denali... knowing that it was me that had brought him here. Part of me wished he hadn't bothered.

Before I could stop myself, I called out his name. It was only softly; but I knew that if he were anywhere near the house, he would hear me. I rolled over on my side on the bed, my back towards the door... but I knew the exact second when his eyes fell on my body.

"Yes, my love?"

I kept my back to him, and spoke low, muffling my words by pressing my face against my pillow.

"Can you just hold me... like you used to? I can't sleep without you."

  
Without a sound he crawled into bed beside me, his tender marble arms wrapping around me in a way that was so familiar to my heart that it made me want to cry. I turned in his arms and burrowed my head into his chest... my voice barely a whisper.

  
"Please, be gone before I wake up. I can't bear to see you."

  
 ** _Edward_**  
I nodded... my heart searing in pain while it simultaneously soared with joy. This was better than nothing. Within moments she was resting peacefully in my arms, and sometime around dawn her small voice cried out my name as she slept, making me shiver. Her voice wasn't angry, it was full of emotion and feeling... full of love.  
  



	8. Surprise

**Surprise**

_**Bella**_  
I awoke the next morning, rested, relaxed... and alone. I breathed a sigh of relief that he had done as I asked. I stretched slowly, rolled over and sat up on the edge of my bed, yawning as I reaching out to open the top drawer of my nightstand to find my hairbrush. Something at the back of the drawer caught my eye. A sob caught in my throat, and tears sprung instantly to my eyes, but didn't spill over. I wouldn't let them.

  
It was a thin, silver bracelet; the very same thin, silver bracelet that my best friend had given me only a few months ago... before he learned that I was engaged to his mortal enemy. I picked it up, carefully cradling the tiny wooden carving of the wolf in the palm of my hand.

  
'Oh Jake.'  
  
I fluttered my hands, fanning them in front of my face, trying to still the tears.

'I'm not gonna cry, I'm not gonna cry.'

  
With stubborn determination I swallowed the lump in my throat. In my other hand, I cupped the heart shaped diamond; Edward's representation of his love for me, and held the two pieces side by side, comparing the two.

  
I'd lost them both that day. My wonderful, goofy, adoring best friend now lay cold in the ground, because he would rather have sacrificed himself than watch me be tortured from within by a difficult pregnancy. And my Husband...

 _Husband_...

I still struggled with that word. I'd done a lot of thinking over the past few days, and what it basically came down to were a couple of simple questions.

One: Did I still love him? That one was possibly the hardest, and yet the answer was so simple it hurt. Yes, I definitely still love him.

Two: Could I ever forgive him for his actions? Also simple, Also painful. No... Never.

Three: Could I live the rest of my life without him. No. I may as well be dead.  
  
So where did this leave us? Stealing silent embraces from him at night, but being unable to bear meeting his eyes? Thrilling at the feel of his soothing touch, his gentle, velvet voice that calmed me so effectively when I stirred in my sleep; yet unable to imagine myself ever kissing him again... ever making love with him again?

I screwed my eyes closed, suddenly realizing that I didn't want to think about any of this right now, and pushed the bracelet back into the drawer, burying it under a pile of socks. I needed more time.

A gentle hand tapped at my door, I turned to see a smiling Esme peering shyly in at me, hiding something in her hands behind her back.

  
"Hey Esme," I said with a smile, patting the bed next to me, offering her a seat.

  
"Good Morning Bella. I know you don't like to make a big deal of it, but I wanted to wish you a happy birthday."

  
I stared at her in shock. My birthday. I had totally forgotten. This inane ritual of getting older every year wasn't supposed to be happening to me anymore. I was meant to have been turned before my 19th birthday, but of course, that had changed when Edward took my baby.

Noticing my shock, Esme took my hand and gave it a gentle squeeze, and with her other hand, placed a soft package wrapped in golden paper on the bed beside me.

"This is from Carlisle and me. We knew you wouldn't want much, so this is just a token gift, something to help you settle in and feel more comfortable here in this house. I know Kate's been dying for you to get out there and join her.

I narrowed my eyebrows suspiciously. The Cullen's were well known for their fondness of overkill, so when Esme said 'token', I knew not to expect a dime store trinket. I put on my best friendly, grateful, not-at-all-terrified-to-be-the-center-of-attention grin, and set about carefully tearing into my gift.

I gasped as I unfolded two pairs of sleek, soft fitted riding pants, and a beautiful pair of leather, knee length riding boots, and, of course, a sleek black, velvet covered helmet.

I was speechless - for a moment.  
  
"Esme, this is too much. I don't even know if I like riding yet... I've never even been on a horse. You shouldn't have bothered buying all this stuff yet... " I looked into her eyes, detecting the tone of mirth there. "What?"

"Edward said you'd react like this, no matter what present we got you."

I blushed instantly; a little angry, yet a little amused that he had predicted my reaction.

  
"Please Bella... humour me. Go try them on, and go join Kate for a morning ride. She's already out there. We'll have breakfast ready for you when you're finished."  
  
I nodded happily at her. "Thank you Esme, and I don't just mean for the gifts. Thank you for... well, everything." I finished weakly. She smiled as she pulled me into a tight hug.

"You're very welcome, my dear. We all love you Bella; I want you to know that that hasn't changed just because you and Edward are going through a rough time. You will always be a part of this family."  
  
“A rough time?” I almost scoffed. That was one way of putting it. I nodded though, in response to her statement.

"Honey, we know how difficult this birthday is for you. If everything had gone to plan, you never would have made it to 19 human years. Carlisle and I want you to know that if you want to talk, about anything at all, or if we can ever help you in any way, we are both here for you. Ok?

I nodded, again struggling with the lump in my throat. I would be taking them up on that offer sooner than they realized, once I'd heard back from the University of Alaska Southeast regarding whether or not they still had a place for me.

"Thank you, Esme."

She nodded, giving me a final, comforting pat on the shoulder before leaving me alone with my thoughts, and my gifts. I should have known that my birthday wouldn't have gone unforgotten amongst this family... even when I myself had done the forgetting.  
  
Ten minutes later, dressed in my perfectly fitting new jodhpurs and boots, with my helmet under one arm, I stepped out into the bright sunshine, heading towards Kate's stables. Tied to the doors, as Dejeuner had been that first day, were now two horses... the familiar black stallion, and a gentle looking, yet still massive, honey coloured horse with a fair mane and tail. She turned her gentle brown eyes on me, watching my approach, and whinnied in greeting.

"Ahh Bella, I'm so glad you could join us today. Naiad has been dying to meet you." Kate greeted me with a friendly, suffocating hug, then turned to run her hand affectionately down the mare's face.

"This is my Naiad. She's a ten year old, Palomino, Warm Blood mare. An absolute gentle giant, I promise you. You'll be plenty safe on her."

  
Before I even had a chance to realize what she was doing, Kate had hooked one hand underneath my knee and hoisted me easily up onto the back of the waiting mare. I cried out in surprise, though I couldn't contain the massive grin that spread instantly across my face.

Kate laughed. "Sorry Bella, sometimes I forget that you're human."

  
I grinned at that, but I couldn't help but notice the quick, sudden scowl on Kate's face.

"What's wrong?"

  
She smiled, quickly settling herself onto her own mount and tying the lead rope that was attached to Naiad's bridle securely around the pommel of her saddle.

"Nothing... I'm just trying to ignore the threats your husband is growling at me. He says he'll have me dismembered if I let any harm come to you." She grinned widely, clearly unfazed by Edwards' over protectiveness.

  
I glanced around the yard and towards the house, searching every window and shadow for a sign of him, but I couldn't see him anywhere. I had a feeling that no matter how far Kate and I rode this morning, he wouldn't let me out of his sight... but nor would he let me see him. I was right.  
  


**_Edward_**  
I followed at a distance. Kate kept looking back to scowl at me, informing me with her thoughts that I was being ridiculous, but as hard as Bella tried, I easily managed to keep myself hidden from her. Kate took her through the forest, down a well worn path through the underbrush, leading towards the river. It wasn't a long ride, and they never went faster than a walk, but I had to admit to being very grateful when it was finally over and Kate helped a stiff, bow-legged Bella from the back of the horse.

I watched my beloved walk slowly back to the house with an internal burning of desire to join her... but I couldn't. It had actually been a blessing in disguise that Bella had said that she didn't want to see my face... that meant that I wouldn't have to explain to her about my eyes. I still hadn't quite worked out how that conversation was going to go. I wasn't even certain if she would even care, it wasn't like I was anything to her anymore.

  
I'd been careful not to show my eyes to any of my family... and of course Carlisle hadn't betrayed my secret, so as it was, he was the only one who knew about my night time activities in Anchorage. I wasn't ashamed of what I was doing, but I knew without a doubt that it would break Esme's heart, so I endeavored to keep it to myself for as long as possible.

  
And so we fell into a pattern. Bella's mornings were spent riding with Kate, sometimes they would go riding through the forest, following various trails... with me cautiously following along behind in case something went wrong... or sometimes Kate would give Bella lessons in the large sand arena in the northern field behind the stables. I was actually a little surprised at how quickly Bella took to riding... considering her usual clumsiness, I had expected her to be awkward and insecure on the horse... but as usual, she surprised me. Within a week, Kate had her easily completing a course of low jumps set up in the arena. The whole family went out to watch her ride... all except me, of course... and I always watched with curiosity as she swept her eyes over her crowd, searching it seemed, for me. I couldn't tell whether it was with relief or disappointment that she never found me. But I was always there, always watching her, but carefully out of sight.

  
She spent most of the afternoons in her room, reading. She had discovered Tanya's extensive, elaborate library, and wasted no time in choosing a selection of books that sparked her interest. I knew she was safe in her bedroom... so several times over the past week I had chosen that time of day to run to the city and seek out a candidate worthy of succumbing to my new diet.

  
Mostly I just found one or two individuals... but one night it was a whole group of some of the foulest minds I'd ever heard, made up of 4 men and 2 women... but I made sure that each and every life that I ended was justified. It made me sick to swallow their evil, polluted blood... but I forced it down my throat, glutted myself on it. I was no better than them; their blood would sustain me, it was all I deserved. Murderers, rapists and paedophiles, I didn't discriminate. If they were evil, they died. Simple as that.

  
I would return from my hunting trips well after dark, vigorously showering to wash away all traces of the evil being from my body before I climbed into bed with my beloved. She had come to expect this every night now, and while it made my heart sing with pleasure that she wanted me near her; needed me to be touching her so that she could sleep... it still cut me to the quick that she wouldn't look at me, or talk to me. She would just wait, in the dark, for me to join her, then turn and bury her head into my chest, quickly falling into sleep. I would spend the whole night holding her, stroking her beautiful silken hair, comforting her when she had her nightmares. It was painful to watch, knowing that I was most likely the cause of them... but I reassured myself that I was doing everything I could to try to make it up to her.

  
Then, in the early mornings, I would linger beside her for as long as I dared... waiting until her breathing became shallower and she started to wake, before gently, discreetly separating myself from her tangled limbs and departing her room... and I would start counting the minutes until I could lay beside her again.

  
Things couldn't remain suspended on this precarious balance for long, I knew that... but I couldn't be sure whether, when they changed, it would be for the better or for the worse. I found out the answer to that question the next morning when two things happened within just a few minutes of each other; both certain to alter this delicate dance that Bella and I had come to rely on.

  
The first occurred just after dawn, while I was waiting in the shadows of the northern courtyard for Bella to emerge from her room to join Kate for their morning ride. There was an unusual energy in the air that I hadn't noticed until I stepped outside... and I immediately recognized it as the celebration of a new life... Folly's foal had been born.

  
Kate was ecstatic. The tiny, spindly legged black colt was the spitting image of his father, and she fussed about him like a mother hen. She was worried though, at how Bella would cope with this new situation... the two had struck up quite a close friendship over the previous week, and Kate was anxious about causing her any more grief. She didn't have long to wait though, before Bella emerged from the house... looking stunning, as usual, in her new riding gear.

  
Bella feigned indifference at the sight of him... pausing alongside Kate at the stable door to meet the newest addition to the family... but even from so far away, I recognized the pain in her face. She didn't say anything though, as she quickly saddled up Naiad and led her to the arena, easily putting the mare through her paces... I was surprised anew at how graceful she looked on horseback. I had to hand it to Kate... as far as distractions went; this new interest in horses seemed to be working very well for Bella. Maybe the foal wouldn't bother her after all.  
  


Then the second thing happened... and my delicate house of cards began to crash down around me. I recognized the sound of my Volvos' engine as it turned off the highway and into the long drive, speeding towards us, signalling Jasper and Alice's arrival, but I knew instinctively that with it brought the end of my secrecy about my night time activities. Alice wouldn't keep something like that from Bella; I knew that without a doubt. What I didn't know... what I always longed to know, but could never seem to tell, was how Bella would react.

  
I didn't know whether to be worried or relieved.


	9. Intervention

**_Edward_**  
Much like in the Cullen homes, Tanya's dining room was not often used for actual dining... it was more commonly utilized as a conference room... a meeting place... or as it was in my case, this time, an intervention circle.

  
I growled out my irritation as I entered the room. I knew they had all been shielding their thoughts all morning, but I had never imagined that this was the reason why. I glanced around the table at all the faces I loved. My mother, my sister, my brother, my father, Tanya, Carmen and Eleazar. The two empty seats between Tanya and my father were obviously reserved for Kate and Bella... who were finishing up tending to the horses.

  
I had to act quickly. I would not do this in front of Bella; she had already been through too much.

Several of the minds in the room were confused; obviously Alice and Carlisle hadn't actually informed them of what was going on. I decided to clear that up once and for all.

  
I held my hands up, high and far apart, as I walked cautiously into the room. Every pair of eyes was on me. I could hear Eleazars' shock register in his mind as he finally noticed the red pigment in my eyes. I focused on each of them, in turn, letting them look their fill of the monster that stood before them. Alice wore a look of pity. Esme was ashamed, silently sobbing in the seat closest to me. I placed my hand gently on her shoulder, attempting to comfort her. She immediately covered it with her own.

  
"You can all see what I have become. If you want me to leave this coven, then you only need to think it, and it will be done... but none of you will breathe a word of this to Bella. She is already suffering enough. She does not need to be worrying about me."

  
Carlisle stood. "Edward, please sit with us." His expression was friendly, welcoming... but his thoughts were concerned, almost desperate. No, I wouldn't draw this out. I wouldn't join them and let them believe, even if only for a moment, that they had a chance of talking me out of this new way of life.

  
"No, there is no need for that. There is nothing left to say."  
  


"Edward!" My sister rolled her vision across her internal plasma screen for my benefit... it was of her and Bella, and Jasper, in Juneau, at University. 

"We're leaving with her tomorrow. I saw that she had been making inquiries about getting back in to school, so Jasper and I enrolled with her. Maybe you could enroll, too? Start afresh... put all this behind you?"

  
She had risen as she spoke, and slowly walked around the table towards me... stopping when she was beside me, her tiny body pressed against me in what was supposed to be a supportive, comforting hug. I shook her off. I knew what she was trying to do.

  
"No Alice."

  
Esme looked up at me. "It could be good for you, Edward... to get used to being around people again. You could at least try? Please? What do you say?"

  
I glared down at Alice. She was no longer smiling. She had seen my answer already. I spoke aloud for the rest of them.

  
"I say, it's about time I shift my hunting to Juneau."

  
I turned to walk away, but was stopped by her small hand gripping my arm with deathly intensity. The rage on her face was such that I had never seen before, at least, never directed at me. Her thoughts were a furious jumble of words... but I didn't need to listen to them in her mind; they spilled out of her mouth for all to hear.

  
"No. You will stay away from her, Edward. We will look after her in Juneau. You are so far beyond rational thought right now; you can't even see what you are doing to yourself. This is going to destroy you, if you continue to let it, but I will not let you bring her down with you... or the rest of this family."

  
As she spoke, Jasper had come to stand behind her, his steadying hand on her shoulder not only offering her comfort, but clearly showing me where he stood, too. He would support her, naturally, right to the end... if it came to that. His proximity calmed her, some, and she continued in a slightly less angry tone... but she hadn't lost any of her desperation.

  
"You are so much better than this, Edward. We know you made a mistake with the baby, we all did... If I concentrated harder, I should have been able to see what she was and we might have prevented her death... so you're not the only one to blame here, but you are about to lose everything. You have to stop this... now."  
  


Before she finished, I was already shaking my head, a self pitying smile playing about my lips.

  
"Don't you see, Alice? I've already lost everything. I've proven that I don't belong in this family... I've proven that I don't have a soul. I would end my life, but I don't even deserve the peace of that... not while Bella is still alive and living with the pain and the betrayal that I caused her. I deserve nothing more than to survive on the blood of as many evil beings that I can rid from this world for the rest of her days... she won't know I'm there, Alice... but I will keep her safe for as long as I can. Then when she's gone, I can go too. I can go to Hell, where I belong."

  
"You still have us, son. Your family will always love you, no matter what."

  
I eyed Carlisle sadly over the table, shaking my head slowly in disagreement to his words.

  
"I don't deserve you. I won't be a burden to you all anymore."

  
Everyone was silent... I could hear their thoughts disagreeing with my speech, but none of them actually formed words. For a brief moment I thought it was over... they were going to let me go without a struggle... then I heard the small voice behind me.

  
"Don't I get a say in all this?"

  
_**Bella**_  
He spun quickly to face me, and for the first time in weeks, I tried to actually take a good, long hard look at my husband; but as if looking at twin candles in the darkness, all I could see of his face were the bright red flames where his molten gold eyes used to be.

  
Shock, harsh and pure, ran through me in thin rivulets.

  
_Human blood._

  
How? How had we possibly come this far in just a few short weeks? This couldn't be real. Between his eyes and the anguished faces of his family behind him, I didn't need to be brought up to speed... they told me more than words ever could have.

  
I shook my head in horrified disbelief.

"Who are you? It's like I don't even know you any more."

  
He smirked viciously. "That's because I've dropped the act... I'm no longer pretending to be something that I'm not. I proved to you that I am the monster I always claimed to be. Do you believe me now?"

  
I couldn't help myself. My hand shot out as if it had will of its own and slapped him. I heard Esme gasp. I couldn't have caused him any pain, not physically, but emotionally, my weak slap seemed to have gotten through. He stood before me and hung his head in shame, refusing to meet my eyes. His whole demeanour changed, becoming apologetic and passive.

  
"Can we please speak in private, Bella?"

  
I hesitated. I knew I would eventually have to communicate with him again, but as things were right now, I didn't trust myself not to say something that I would end up regretting. The stupid thing was, I didn't know if that something would be in favour of reconciling with him, or ending our relationship completely.

  
In the end, I just nodded. When could I ever deny him anything?

  
I turned and walked out of the dining room, automatically following the path straight to my bedroom. It was as good a place as any for this.

  
Despite my sweaty, horsey clothes, I went straight to the bed, crawling onto it and settling comfortably, cross legged, in the middle, then turned expectantly to look at him. Again the red in his eyes shocked me. How could he have been doing this, and still coming to me every night?

How could I not have noticed?

  
I had to start somewhere. It may as well be with the obvious.

  
"You're hunting humans again?"

  
He nodded, but I didn't see any shame in the action. He seemed almost proud. "Only evil people, Bella. I would never hurt an innocent again, not after......" I screwed my eyes shut, begging my brain not to finish his sentence. 

_Too late_.

  
"I know what I am, Bella... and now that I have so spectacularly failed at my pretend human life, I am left with only one option. I must do what only I can do... use my gifts to kill evil beings... so that the world can be a safer place for the one person I love, and the people she loves. I will spend the rest of my existence, Bella, protecting you from monsters like me."

  
I sighed... completely unable to find the words to say what I needed to say to him. He saved me the effort, with what should have been a simple question.

  
"Do you still love me?"

  
The anguish and agony in his voice hurt my heart, and as much as I knew that I should probably just cut him loose... tell him 'no' and set him free, once and for all... I couldn't force the lie from my lips.

  
"Yes. Yes Edward... I will love you for the rest of my life."

  
He nodded, and moved further onto the bed, resting his head in my lap, locking his arms loosely around my waist, pressing his cheek against my belly. My first instinct was to push him away, but as my hands fell to his head and recognized the silken beauty of his hair, I couldn't do it... I couldn't push him away. So, for just a minute, for what would have to be the last time, I embraced him back, holding him close against me, loving him with all my heart.

  
I knew in that moment that if Edward had been capable of tears, my lap would have been soaked, just like his hair was from my own. His pained whisper was barely recognisable.

  
"I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry Bella."

  
I lowered my cheek to rest on his head, curling my body around him as I held onto him for dear life... knowing that this was the last time I would ever do it. I had to end this now, once and for all... for both of our sakes.

  
"I know you are," I whispered back.

  
He lifted his head to meet my gaze, and I gave him a weak smile, in spite of the pain.

  
"It doesn't change anything though, does it?" he asked softly.

  
I shook my head again. I couldn't find words.

  
Slowly, oh so slowly he started to move towards me. His right hand came up to cup my cheek, giving me plenty of warning of his intentions... and while I knew that this would only make our separation that much harder, I think I needed it as much as he did. I gave him a tiny, almost imperceptible nod as my desperation for him overtook me completely, and then met him halfway in a sweet, desperate goodbye kiss.

  
His stone lips were urgent against mine and my lips instantly parted, giving him access... only briefly though before I felt my heart physically shatter within me... to my tongue, allowing them to dance together for a final time before I pulled away from him, gasping for air.

  
Then, in an instant, I was alone. All that he left behind him was the feint stirring of the wind... and me, broken and alone, the pain of all that I had lost, fresh in my shattered heart and numb mind.

  
Our impossible love had proven to be just that... impossible.


	10. Progress

** Progress **

  
_...three months later..._

  
**_Bella_**  
As was usual for a Thursday afternoon, I bounced out of my last class almost straight into Jasper, who was standing patiently, completely unfazed, in the steady mid December snow. He grinned when he saw me and wrapped his arm around my shoulders like a ridiculously overprotective big brother, trying to shield me from the slushy downpour.

  
Alice only had one class today, in the morning, so Jasper and I had taken to hanging out together for the rest of a Thursday afternoon; he would meet me between classes to walk me to my next one, and then escort me home at the end of the day. Alice often used that time to go hunting, but last week she'd spent the entire afternoon shopping, coming home at the end of the day to find Jasper and I battling it out at Mario Kart, completely laden with shopping bags from every single store the city held... and very possibly a few distant ones too. I couldn't be sure. I'd never paid much attention to the shops in this pretty, little city. When I couldn't get out of going shopping, I spent most of the trips with my eyes closed just waiting for Alice to finish playing dress up with me so I could go home again.

  
I had to admit at first it had seemed a little awkward to spend any alone time with Jasper. He and I had never been particularly close. It’s not that I was frightened of him, as such, but he did intimidate me a little, especially after my disastrous eighteenth birthday. I guess Edward had always been wary of him in my presence, so I had picked up on it. But I soon discovered that underneath the stoic, broody exterior was a very energetic, friendly gentleman, who I soon began to feel just as comfortable with as Alice.

  
We'd taken Edwards' Volvo when we left Denali - he hadn't come back again after our goodbye in the bedroom, so Alice hadn't seen any point in leaving it there for him, but she knew how I felt about the Volvo. She could hear how my heart skipped a beat and my mouth down-turned every time I saw it, so had soon ordered her yellow Porsche to be shipped to Juneau from Forks, and had been trying for the last three months to convince me to drive it around town. I flatly refused... and no one, not even Alice, could change my mind. It was too flashy for my liking and I could tell she felt the same... she wouldn't drive it around Campus, the only time it ever got any use was when we all made a weekend dash up to Denali for a visit... the Porsche could get us there in just a few hours with Alice at the wheel. So eventually the Cullen credit card got yet another workout one weekend when Alice took me car shopping and forced me to pick out something for myself. She groaned when I picked the oldest, rustiest truck that I could find - a prehistoric, dark green Ford ATV - but bit her lip and paid for it without a word. She didn't know it yet... or maybe she did... but I was going to pay her back every penny one day. I didn't mind sharing a house with them, but I drew the line at her spending her money on buying me a car.

Alice and Jasper had bought an apartment right near Campus for the three of us to share; a hugely spacious loft room with arched ceilings and stain glass windows. It was simply gorgeous, though not very well heated... not that that bothered Alice and Jasper, but, as I was a guest, I didn't want to complain. When Alice caught me shivering in bed on our second night there, she chastised me harshly for not telling her, and when I returned from school the next day a large, roaring gas fireplace had been fitted in almost every room and she had even arranged to have heating pads installed under the tiles in the bathroom. I hated that she had gone to so much trouble just for me, but of course she shrugged my shame off, telling me that it was good cover for them anyway... no human could have survived in there the way it had been.

  
I'd phoned Charlie just a few days after we'd come to Juneau, telling him the agreed upon lies that Carlisle had concocted for me back when I was pregnant with Renesmee. Thanks to endless hours of cuddling up with Alice and Jasper and listening to their life stories and advice, I could now actually say those words without breaking down into a quivering mess. Of course, I could never tell my father, or anyone, for that matter, about my pregnancy, but I didn't mind that at all. I was happy to keep all my memories of her carefully secreted away in my heart, to be shared with only a select few.

  
I had invited Charlie to come up to Juneau to have Thanksgiving with us, but he'd been unable to get away. He had fallen for the whole made-up story about Edward and I just needing to be apart for the time being to work on our career paths... we told Charlie that Edward was studying Medicine at the Ketchikan Campus, 13 hours away, while I needed to be in Juneau to study Marine Biology. He seemed to buy it. I didn't much like the idea of lying to Charlie, any more than I liked the idea of pretending everything was still fine between me and Edward, but the Cullen's had insisted it was necessary, if only for the time being. Too many questions would be raised if we announced our separation so soon after the wedding.

  
Edward wasn't supposed to be in Juneau - I'd caught enough of his fight with Alice in the dining room in Denali to know that Alice had ordered him to stay away from me - and while I loved her for it, a tiny part of me shivered with excitement at the knowledge that he had followed us here. 

I'd seen glimpses him a couple of times, watching me from the shadows as I walked across Campus with Alice or Jasper, and it comforted me a little to know that he hadn't completely lost himself to his renewed blood lust. There was still some of the old Edward left in him if he was still watching over me. Hopefully one day he'd be able to overcome his guilt and return to his normal lifestyle... well, as normal as it had been before I came along, anyway. I knew that Edward was the sole reason why Alice and Jasper wouldn't go hunting together. They refused to leave me home alone, even if only for a couple of hours, they always took shifts babysitting me.

  
I had tried so hard to put everything behind me on that last day in Denali. I had achieved the impossible; I had said goodbye to Edward; closed the door on my marriage and on the idea of eternal life in favour of a normal existence, education, friendship... and a disappointing, aching loneliness.

  
I couldn't deny that I missed Edward. The gaping hole in my chest had been replaced by a dull, throbbing echo where my heart used to be. I still loved him with all my soul, and mourned for what we once had together. 

But my heart, it was just gone.

It had been buried in that box back in Forks with the lifeless body of my infant daughter. I knew that I would spend the rest of my life alone. I could never, ever love anyone again, of that I felt absolutely certain. 

But then I had to wonder what was the point of living out the rest of my life alone, of never loving again?

  
I asked Alice one night what she could see of my future; where I would be, what I would do, whether I could ever be happy again. She did not want to tell me, saying that if I knew of her vision, I would actively seek it, and therefore it would change anyway, but I persisted, and even managed to enlist Jasper's help... and eventually, unbelievably, I won.

  
"I have had a vision of your future Bella, and it was solid and clear. You will be happy again, I've seen it. I've seen you with a husband by your side, and a beautiful baby girl in your arms."

  
A baby. I was to have another baby. Another daughter.

  
I wanted to ask her 'when', but I didn't think I really wanted to know. I still didn't believe that it could ever be possible.

  
Tears had filled my eyes, and I'd quietly thanked Alice for telling me what I had wanted to know - then I had spent the next three days in bed. Alice had covered for me, telling my professors that I had the flu... but in truth, I just wasn't ready to go back out into that world yet... the world where I could forget about Renesmee and Edward and Jacob and move on with my human life. 

I wasn't done grieving for them yet.  
  


**_Edward_**  
I tried to give her freedom from me; from our marriage; from what I had become, and from what I had put her through. If this was what Bella wanted, what she _needed_ , then of course I would never stand in her way,mbut I could not seem to walk away from her and leave her be. 

I had told her I would protect her and I would not go back on my word, although I didn't think I could have forced myself to stay away from her if I tried. I followed her everywhere, rarely letting her out of my sight for more than a few hours. I knew she had Alice and Jasper, and although I trusted them both implicitly to take care of her, it wasn't enough to make me comfortable with the idea of abandoning her.

  
I monitored the thoughts of those around her, all those that she came into contact with daily, even those who just randomly crossed her path. Most were fine, just youths intent on enriching their lives by education who paid little mind to the beauty and pain in the face of the angelic girl who floated by them; so obviously caught up in her own little world.

She didn't bother trying to make many new friends, some flocked naturally to her the way they had when she had first come to Forks, but mostly she focused on her studies and spent her free time with Jasper and Alice. There was one man in the building where my siblings had bought their apartment who had watched Bella with a disturbing intensity on the day they were moving in, and I could see that he bore a threat to her wellbeing... so I removed the threat. 

It was as simple as that. I wasn't sure if he would have acted on his impulses towards Bella but I refused to take that chance. It was better to be safe than sorry.

  
At first Alice was furious with me for following them to Juneau, but her anger quickly faded into concern when she saw that I wasn't there to make Bella's decision harder, just to watch from a distance. Alice still hadn't given up on the idea of trying to convert me back to our 'vegetarian' way of living but she didn't let it put a strain on the time we spent together. Every night for the past three months I had come to their apartment. 

When I was in a sociable mood, which really wasn’t very often, I would tap lightly on the door in the small hours of the morning, usually risking being knocked over by my sisters enthusiastic hugs, where I would spend the evening playing the play station with my brother and trying not to think of Bella sleeping alone in the next room. But most nights I simply chose to sit on the roof of their building, right above where my beloved slept, just listening to her breathing and her heartbeat. It was enough to sustain me. Just knowing that she was recovering from all the damage I had inflicted upon her was enough to reassure me that I was doing the right thing. It was enough to keep me away.

  
I had slipped up twice... though, if I was allowing myself to be completely honest, those two times that she had seen me hadn't actually been accidental 'slip-ups'... they'd been moments of weakness. 

A test, to see how she would respond to knowing that I was nearby. 

But it wasn't fair on her to do that to her, I knew that, so after that second time I promised myself that I wouldn't ever be that weak again. She deserved to be able to put her memories of me behind her, and that wasn't going to happen if she kept catching glimpses of me from across campus.

  
I hunted the busy capital city every evening. I didn't actually need to feed that often, but there seemed to be no shortage of vile people for me to feast upon, and so I kept up my nightly vigil, determined to singlehandedly make Juneau a safe place for my Bella to live in.

  
I had stumbled across an underground crime ring run by a thug by the name of Joseph Arcella. 'Big Joey,' as he was known, was most well known for being a pimp for some of the best girls in the business, as well as being the drug dealer for some of the most disreputable thugs in town. If there was something shady going down in the City of Juneau, chances are that Big Joey had a hand in it. I'd been following his thoughts for several days, not really paying close attention, but listening out for the news of one of his 'girls' who was due to give birth with the baby of one of her clients, who just happened to be a local Senator, a friendly, seemingly happily married man with a young family. 

Joey's activities wouldn't normally have required my intervention, but when I overheard him talking of blackmailing the birthfather, it had piqued my interest. Joey's thugs and hired goons had become quite a regular part of my diet and I knew I was beginning to get under his skin. It amused me when I heard his suspicious mind going over revenge tactics on a rival gang who he believed responsible for the deaths of several of his hired hands over the past few weeks. If he'd had even an inkling that they were killed by a vampire, he might have re-evaluated his priorities.

  
But I left Big Joey alone today; because today being Thursday meant that I got to spend a few hours alone with my little sister. Today it was her turn to choose the activity, and what would you know, Alice had decided to take me hunting. The vegetarian kind. I had chuckled at the suggestion, but when she smacked me on the arm with such sincerity, a touch of humor, and just a hint of desperation, I couldn't do anything but play along.

  
We didn't bother with the cars, knowing it would be quicker for both of us if we just ran, and while I was certain that I could never lose the ability to track an animal using my sense of smell I had to admit I was a little out of practice... a good run could only help me readjust. These days I did all my hunting with my mind.

  
I knew how hard my recent decisions had been upon my family. I had never meant to hurt any of them, but I couldn't go on pretending to be something that I wasn't. It was all well and good for them, pretending to be human, blending into the world. They lived off the blood of animals because they truly were good, and didn't want to be killers, but I wasn't one of them anymore. Really, I didn't know if I ever truly had been. Inside, I think I had always been a monster, I had just fought it, denied it for so long that I'd been confused. But I wasn't confused anymore. I knew exactly who I was. 

I was only on this little hunting trip to humour Alice... it didn't mean anything.

  
I was broken out of my reverie when a solid ball of slushy powdered snow connected squarely with the back of my head. It was quickly followed by a second that hit my left shoulder, splashing snow onto my cheek, even getting some in my mouth... and a third which hit my ass. I turned towards her in a low crouch, growling menacingly, then without warning I easily leaped the 20 foot gap between us, tackling her to the snow.

I saw in her mind that she wouldn't move away from my tackle... she wanted this play fight, for old time's sakes. Her nostalgia made me sad. I didn't like that she had to resort to play fighting just to manufacture a reason for me to hug her.

  
She flipped us over, grabbed me by my jacket and sprung, sending us both flying into the air where we crashed against the trunk of a huge spruce. Grinning, I had barely felt my legs touch the tree before I sprung off of it, sailing, with Alice held tightly in my hands across a wide gap in the trees... landing us both carefully on a thin branch overhanging a small cliff, mostly buried by snow. Alice pushed me off the branch, grinning... but I grabbed her as I fell, both of us laughing as we rolled across the snow.

Alice cocked her head, meeting my eyes, a small, sad smile on her lips.  
  
'I've missed this Edward.'

I hung my head, my eyes ashamed. "I have, too."

'Please come home with me? Nothing you've done is unforgivable Edward. We all still love you.'

I wondered briefly if she included Bella in that 'all'... but I knew it wouldn't do any good to dwell on it. She knew what my answer was going to be anyway, so I just smiled apologetically in response.

  
A vaguely familiar scent assaulted my senses, and I turned my nose to the wind. Alice smelt it too. With a quick grin, she darted off in the direction of our next meal.

The pair of Snow Leopards didn't even have a chance to run... they never knew what hit them. Alice tackled hers at the same moment that I pounced, sinking my teeth into the warm furry coat, letting the creature's clean, pure blood trickle down my throat in long, slow pulls, and I relished in the first feed that I had in nearly four months that wasn't the blood of a despicable human... but as I quickly drained the cat, my guilt returned. I wasn't worthy of ending the life of such a noble creature. I didn't deserve to feed on something so pure.

  
In that fraction of a moment my decision was made. I pushed the lifeless body away from me in disgust even as I felt the weaker blood mix and react with my body. I knew my eyes wouldn't be gold after just one feed, but they wouldn't be such a sickly, evil red colour either. The two combined would give me orange eyes. I wasn't worthy of anything but the sickening blood red that belonged to the murderous members of my kind.

  
I would stick to feeding from my own kind from now on. Murderers, and other evil beings.

It was all I deserved.  
  
  



	11. Benevolence

_**  
Bella**_  
Alice was scary.

She was ferocious, vicious and intimidating.

Quite honestly, I had never been more terrified of her.

Jasper seemed to take it all in his stride. I guess he'd already survived through several decades of Christmas's with Alice, but I was quite sure that if I lived for another century, I would not get used to the wrath of Alice the Christmas Nazi.  
  
Around the apartment she was an unstoppable cleaning and decorating machine... around the shops, she was a ferocious force to be reckoned with, battling her way through the crowds as if she were 8 foot tall. Of course I would be the only human present at our little gathering, but she insisted on making enough food to feed an Army of twenty grown men. She planned to let me take my pick, and then donate the rest to the homeless shelter in the City.

Classes were finished for the year, most of our fellow students had gone home for the holidays, but we had decided to stay here, instead of deserting the city for the beauty of Denali, and had invited the rest of the Cullen's here to Juneau to join us.

It was Christmas Eve. The Cullen's were due to start arriving this afternoon, while the Denali Clan would be arriving tomorrow, and with Alice in 'Commando mode,' Jasper, probably sensing my fear of his wife, had spirited me from the apartment for some last minute gift shopping.

After spending hours strolling around the Mall in what Alice would have referred to as a sinful waste of good shopping time, all I had found was a thin, delicate gold bracelet for Esme... and was dangerously close to choosing some socks or a fun tie for Carlisle. I was trying to have fun... be in a light hearted mood and enjoy the festive season, but my mind kept wandering.

With my Mom and Phil on an extended vacation in Europe, and Charlie having promised to spend Christmas day fishing with Billy Black, I would be spending Christmas with the Cullen's. I embraced the tradition with an atypical enthusiasm this year in a bid to try to forget that this time last year I was in so much agony that I couldn't even recall how I spent Christmas Day.  
  
But as hard as I tried, I couldn't keep my head from filling with visions of Edward. I would be sitting in a warm apartment, surrounded by his family, fun and laughter, but where would he be? Ostracised and alone. The thought upset me deeply.

"What's wrong Bells?" Jasper's arm immediately tightened around me in response to my mood, and as I looked up at him, trying to deceive him with a false smile I was betrayed by a single tear that had managed to escape my tight control. Ahh, what was the point in lying to Jasper about my feelings?

"I'm just thinking about Edward." I spoke slowly, letting my thoughts wash over me as I spoke them aloud. "Maybe we should invite him to join us for Christmas Day?"

We had finally exited the Mall and were now walking down a fairly busy little side street that led towards the waterfront, where I knew we would find a quaint little second hand book shop that was often packed with rare books and first editions, but just as I spoke the words we rounded a corner, and much to my surprise, came face to face with Edward.

I stopped short. Jasper immediately pulled me back towards him, shielding me slightly from Edward with his body, but from the look on Edward's face, Jasper needn't have bothered. His rough, dirty face shone like the sun as he looked at me... and if not for Jasper's restraining arms I probably would have wrapped my arms around him, just to feel him against me again.

He smiled my favourite crooked smile as he caressed me with his eyes. "Thank you, Love, but I don't think I would be very welcome with the rest of the family."

Jasper eyed him darkly. "That's nonsense Edward, and you know it. Emmett and Rose are coming, and Carlisle would love to see you. So would Mom."

Edward visibly flinched as Jasper spoke of Esme.  
  
I couldn't prevent my eyes from running over my former husband's body... and I couldn't help the tug of pain that I felt as I took in his dirty, torn clothing, his jagged fingernails and messy hair and bare feet. He had become a wild, red eyed nomad, like Laurent. Like James. A hunter.  
  
Jasper felt my small shudder of revulsion and pulled me closer to his side... a move which sparked a small growl from Edward. I eyed them both cautiously, but the moment of jealousy passed quickly. Jasper's voice when he spoke was quiet and calm.  
  
"Alice has a gift for you Bro. I'm sure she would love for you to drop by the apartment..."

Edward cut him off quickly. "Alice knows I have no use for gifts."

Jasper nodded in defeat. Edward quickly turned his attention back to me.

"You seem well, my love? How are you coping with your course load?"

' _School? You want to talk about School?'_

"School is fine. Alice helps me when I need it."

He nodded. "And other than school... how are you?"

It pained me that this is what we had been reduced to. I gave him a sad smile.

"I have my good days..."

He smiled back. God this was awkward and horrible.

Edward's head snapped around and his eyes narrowed as he glared back up the street that Jasper and I had just walked down, back towards the Mall.

"I have to go. Jasper, please tell the family I wish them all a Merry Christmas." Before we could even respond, he was gone.  
  


**_Edward_**  
I'd been following one of Joey's goons for the past several hours. The guy's name was Ricky, and he had one of the most unoriginal minds I'd ever had the tedium of invading. Joey had sent him this morning to collect the baby girl that had been born a few days ago, so that they could get photos of her to blackmail her father, the Senator, with, but the Mother wasn't making things easy.

I'd found her two days ago. Her name was Hannah. She hadn't been hard to find...

I just followed her fear. 

She was terrified of Joey, and of what his greed would do to her newborn daughter. She didn't want to risk the father finding out about the child for fear that he would try to claim her. She didn't care about his money; she just wanted to keep her baby.

She had been hiding out at a friend's apartment, but this morning Ricky had found her, so she had run again. It had been an unseasonably sunny morning, so I hadn't been able to follow her... which was why I was now following Ricky, hoping he would lead me back to her. I could smell her scent, it was everywhere in this area, she walked these streets daily... so that was useless; I just had to wait until I was close enough to hear her mind.

I'd been concentrating so hard on hearing that one mind; that I hadn't even realized until she was only feet away from me that I could hear my beloved's voice. With more of a warning I would have saved her the hurt of having to see me, but as it was, she was already talking of me anyway, so hopefully our brief encounter wasn't too painful for her. She had seemed well, and happy. I didn't deserve the comfort that knowledge afforded me, but I couldn't deny it was good to see her up close again.

I departed the awkward confrontation with my beloved in time to see Ricky duck through a doorway into a bar, the agreed upon rendezvous point with his partner. Hoping he would gain some information that would be useful to me I swiftly followed him through the doorway and took a seat in a low booth in the back.  
  
Well, what a waste of three hours that had been. Neither Ricky nor his partner in crime Tony had any new information, and had spent the past few hours watching a football match on ESPN. I was sorely disappointed. I would have done better to try tracking her on my own.

As they left the bar and headed West down towards the waterfront, I decided to cut my losses and try again to follow her trail from the friend's house that she had fled from this morning. I found the apartment block easily and then just followed my nose as it led me, seemingly in circles, around the darkened, snow covered streets. It was hopeless.

I heard the woman's piercing scream at the same moment that I heard Ricky's foul mind, and I followed both, arriving in the sheltered doorway just in time to see Hannah fall to the ground, the ragged handle of a hunting knife protruding from her left breast. In less than a second I reached them, twisted the two men's heads cleanly off their bodies without giving it a thought then rushed to her side, catching her head in my hands before it hit the concrete sidewalk. Her pierced heart was stuttering, blood seeped between my fingers as I tried to staunch her bleeding, but I knew I was too late to save her.  
  
She met my eyes for a fraction of a moment... her irises a stunning green in the dim lamplight... so much like my mother's eyes had been. Her mouth opened, and one, whispered word escaped her lips as her heart gave its last, fractured beat, and then stopped completely.

'... _daughter_...'

I am not sure how long it took exactly... it could have been hours, but I was prepared to search every single building in every single street of this city until I found the helpless baby girl. I would not give up. I would not let her die too.

I listened for cries, and compared the babies who owned them to Hannah's smell... then when that didn't work I began searching for the quick, jackrabbit heartbeats of newborns and foetus'. I cursed myself when I found her, wrapped in a coat in the basement of Hannah's friend's apartment building.

She was cold, and her pulse was weak. She needed medical attention immediately, or she could die. A newborn, in these temperatures, and heaven only knew how long she had been left alone. She could have hypothermia, Dehydration, or any of a hundred other things that could kill a young baby with ease.

My medical training was amateurish at best, and I could hardly go running into the nearest Emergency room with the baby of a murdered prostitute without raising suspicions, so that left me with only one option.  
  
Carlisle.

* * *

 _ **Bella**_  
I had to hand it to Alice. The girl knew how to throw a party.  
  
Music was pumping from the stereo system, tinsel was hung from every available beam and post, and the gorgeous, unmistakable smell of the magnificently decorated fir tree filled the house with an odour so pretty it was almost making me nauseous. Alice had made a delicious eggnog... and Emmett kept handing me refills; I couldn't decide if it was my imagination or not that the brandy taste kept getting stronger and stronger with each cupful.

Carlisle and Esme sat together on the loveseat, brilliant smiles on both their faces as they watched their children; Alice and Rosalie were dancing like pop stars to some hip hop song that they both seemed to know all the words too, but I'd never heard before... while Emmett and Jasper chased each other around the house with cans of silly string.

I was happy... surrounded by people I loved, having fun at Christmas time. But I couldn't help but feel that this could have been so much more complete. This should have been Renesmee's first Christmas. She would have been almost four months old. By rights, her father and I should have been sitting beside her, next to the tree, taking too many photographs and laughing as she chewed on the wrapping paper.

I glanced up at Esme, and in that moment our minds connected, and I could tell she was thinking the exact same thing.

Suddenly Alice stopped, and all eyes in the room flew to her. Her eyes widened with alarm as they flew to Carlisle.

"Quick. It's Edward. He needs you."

The rest happened too fast for me to really understand what order it went in. Rosalie turned off the music as Carlisle and Alice left the apartment together, only for Carlisle to return moments later with a shirtless Edward, who was holding a bundle of coats in his arms... which I noticed immediately were covered in blood, as were his shoulder and torso. Alice returned in a blur and disappeared into the kitchen, then appeared moments later holding a baby's bottle.

That's when I noticed the bundle of coats move.

Alice took it from Edward's arms and retreated to the nearest armchair, settling herself deep, back into the chair so that she could comfortably cradle the tiny baby in her arms.

I looked back up at Edward, his eyes burning red as he intently watched Alice with the baby. He heard my gasp of shock and turned to face me, his expression full of shame and guilt.

"Oh my... Edward. What have you done?"  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, how about a little love, huh? Not a single review in here yet, can you let me know if you are enjoying rereading this, or if this is your first time? 
> 
> Feelings? Thoughts? Criticisms? Anything?
> 
> This fic was my first foray into the world of twilight and it holds a very dear place in my heart, I would love to get a little feedback on it please.


	12. Compassion

** Compassion **

  
_**Edward**_  
I was momentarily stunned. Bella thought me capable of killing this little girl's parents. I guess I shouldn't have been surprised, considering what I had done to our own daughter, but it still stung.  
  
She had dcaught me by surprise actually and I quickly scanned the thoughts of everyone else in the room. Only Rosalie shared Bella's suspicions. The rest of my family still had faith in my inherently good nature... that was comforting to know, even though I didn't deserve it.

I spoke quietly, my words directed only to Bella, but I knew everyone in the apartment could hear me.

"I didn't kill her mom, Bella. I was trying to help her, but I was too late." Bella hung her head, not wanting to meet my gaze.  
  
"Sorry," she muttered.

"It's okay, Love. I understand why you might think that."

We both watched on in silence as Carlisle monitored the little girl, who was sucking greedily from the bottle in Alice's hands. I was pleased that she was drinking, in itself, was a very good indication that I had found her in time. Carlisle confirmed that he was happy with her vital signs with a small nod that I knew well, his mind going over all the provisions that we would need to acquire quickly to care for the baby... but they kept wandering to questions regarding how I had come to acquire a newborn baby girl... and why I was covered in human blood.

His thoughts didn't waver though. Never once did Carlisle's mind go to that dark place that Bella's and Rosalie's were already at. I didn't deserve the faith he had in me.

"How did this happen?"

I quickly told them the story of Joey's 'businesses' and how he planned to use Hannah and her baby to blackmail the Senator. The room remained very silent as I spoke, the only sounds were that of the tiny little baby in Alice's arms. My eye's slid to Bella as I told of how her mother had tried to protect her... how she ran from the men that were seeking her, how she hid the baby in the basement to keep her safe, how she had died, in my arms, trying to protect her child.

Bella's tears streamed silently down her face, but she didn't attempt to interrupt me. She didn't need to. Her tears of sympathy in identification of what Hannah had been through told me clearly what she was thinking.  
  
I tore my eyes from her face to meet Carlisle's contemplative gaze.

"I didn't know what to do with her. I couldn't exactly take her to the hospital. She is unknown to her father, her mother is dead, and I couldn't risk her ending up in the hands of Joey Arcella."  
  
Carlisle nodded. "No son, you did right in bringing her here... now we just have to figure out what we are going to do with her."

The words were barely past Carlisle's lips when Rosalie spoke.

"We'll raise her, as if she were our own." Rosalie's hopeful voice broke through, pleading and desperate. "Won't we, Emm?"

Emmett nodded, but Carlisle hadn't noticed, his eyes were on Esme. Mine instantly shifted to Bella. She had edged closer to Alice, and stood, carefully peering down at the tiny face, just barely visible above my bloody coat. She had such a look of longing in her eyes, but I could tell there was also fear.

Yes, she was definitely afraid.

Esme's quiet voice rang with an unusual authority, "No. She is human. She needs a human mother."

Her eyes focused on Rosalie. "We've spoken about this before, Rose. This is why we haven't adopted a human child ourselves. What would you do in twenty years time when she is older than you? How will you explain that without betraying our secret? And if we tell her our secret, then what? We would have to kill her; make her one of us. Would you take her life away Rose?"

Rose gritted her teeth in her anger, but shook her head 'no.' Esme's gaze shifted to Bella.

"There is only one of us who can raise this baby, if we are to keep her with us. Otherwise, we will need to hand her over to the authorities."

Bella glanced up; a little shocked to see that everyone in the room was looking at her. Her mouth opened, then closed again without a word. Instead, she leaned over and carefully lifted the tiny child out of my putrid coat and up into her arms. The little girl's gaze instantly found Bella's face and their eyes locked. I felt my dead heart stir with hope. Her tiny fist flailed in the air, making Bella grin with her instant love and affection for the helpless baby. Yes. She would do it; I could see it in her eyes. She would be a mother for this little girl, and they would both thrive because of it. Two lost souls; an orphaned baby and a grieving mother, thrown together by fate... well, fate, with a little help from Vampires.  
  
With her arms now free, Alice leapt up from the chair, an excited, new energy about her... and darted quickly around the apartment; dropping my coat in the trash and quickly grabbing a large, soft towel from the linen closet to wrap around the baby. It went easily around her four times, making her a snug little wrap to sleep in until we could buy her some things of her own. No sooner had I thought it, than Alice had the same idea.

"We need provisions; there are still a few stores open... who's up for a shopping trip?"

I couldn't help but grin. Trust Alice to find the glass half full. I glanced at Jasper, who rolled his eyes playfully, but allowed himself to be dragged out of the apartment by an overly eager, enthusiastic Alice.

"Don't go too crazy, Alice. We don't even know if we are definitely keeping her yet."

Bella's voice was soft, but we all heard it. "Yes we do."

She smiled softly up at me, in what appeared to be gratitude, then turned to meet Alice's ecstatic grin. Alice bounced towards her, gently stroking the tiny, silken soft arm as it beat ineffectively at the air, cooing down at the beautiful baby. When the little girl found, and tightly gripped, Alice's finger, I thought she would squeal in joy. She looked up at me meaningfully, indicating the baby as she spoke.

"She belongs here now, with us... with you. You are her saviour. She owes you her life."

I growled angrily at my favourite sister. "She doesn't owe me anything."

Alice wouldn't give up. "She wouldn't be alive if you hadn't found her, Edward. If you hadn't been on the streets, hunting wicked people, you never would have known she existed. Even when you think you're evil, you're still doing good." She grinned at me. 'Not that that means you should go out there and keep hunting... but you get my point, right?'

I nodded, trying not to laugh. Alice had a very screwed up logic sometimes... though it still mostly seemed to make sense to me. But it was her parting thought as she walked out the door with Jasper on one arm and her handbag over the other that had me reeling. 

_‘Your future has changed completely tonight, Edward. This little one will bring about the resurrection of your relationship with Bella'_. She winked at me as she reached to close the door behind them. 

‘ _Don't screw it up.'_

Bella yawned loudly, trying to stifle it by turning her head into her shoulder, as her arms were full with the baby. "I think I'm going to go to bed, I need sleep." She turned to me. "Do you mind if... can I take her with me?" Her eyes connected with mine; hers happy and hopeful, mine thrilled to have made her happy and hopeful... and I nodded, not trusting my voice enough to speak.  
  
Rosalie smiled sweetly at me, but the smile certainly hadn't reached her eyes, or her mind. Emmett stood beside her, towering over her as he attempted to offer her comfort, but Rosalie was too pissed to accept it.

"Edward, next time you decide to go on a murderous rampage, do you think you could get me one of those?"

Esme gasped, her head snapping up in shock to glare at my sister.

"That's enough, Rosalie," Carlisle growled at her.

I glared at Rose, but I couldn't contain the small twinge of pity that I felt for her too. Yes, she was a complete bitch, but she really would have made a wonderful mother. To have a baby dangled in front of her like this and then just given to someone else must be absolutely heartbreaking for her. I met her venomous gaze with a small, sympathetic smile.

"I am sorry, Rose. I know how hard this must be for you."  
  
She just continued to glare at me, but her mind was surprised at my compassion. I could almost have laughed, it wasn't very often that Rosalie ran out of things to say.  
  
I turned with Bella, allowing one hand to gently rest in the small of her back as I guided her towards her bedroom... just to tuck them both in. My two beautiful angels.

_**Bella**_  
I sat on the bed, still marvelling at the tiny little child in my arms. His voice was barely a whisper.

"I want to help you look after her. I feel like we've been given a second chance, Bella. Alice is already telling me that this baby will bring you and I back together. I won't rush anything, Love, but I don't want her to be wrong about this. If you think you can handle having me around, then I will stay."

The little girl moved in my arms, and my instant, natural reaction was to start gently rocking her, softly rubbing circles on her back in time with my sways, and within moments she was settled again. I smiled widely as I gazed down upon her, and I couldn't even bring myself to look away as Edward started talking again, in a low, soothing voice.

"Nothing can ever replace, Renesmee. I would never even try..." He broke off when I cringed, fresh tears escaping me and dripping onto the soft towel.

"This little one is going to need a family, and I don't want to send her back out into that world of criminals and blackmail and prostitution. I want to keep her safe here, with us."

Suddenly he was on his knees before me, one of my hands gently clasped in both of his. "I swear, I swear, I will never hurt her, Bella. I just want to be a part of her life... I need to be a part of yours again... even if we're just... friends."

He nearly choked on the word.

I nodded slowly, choosing my words carefully out of the thousand thoughts that were swimming in my head at that second.

"What about your... diet?"  
  
He shook his head vehemently. "I don't want to be a killer any more Bella. I swear, I'm done." He pointed to the little one in my arms. "She cured me of it."

And looking into his intense, shocking red eyes, I could see the sincerity there.

I told him I needed to think about it... mull over my options. Everything was happening so fast, and right now, all I wanted to do was sleep. I settled myself comfortably on my bed, but instead of my usual fetal position, I curled myself around the fragile body that was lying next to me. She was so tiny, but so perfect. I ran a single finger across her little foot, marvelling at her precious toes that were no bigger than my smallest fingernail. Her smoky blue/grey newborn eyes were closed in sleep, but I couldn't wait to see what colour they would become, or what colour her silvery fine hair would turn out as she grew.  
  
I knew, unequivocally, that my life was about to change more drastically than I had ever before experienced, but that wasn't what scared me. What scared me is the thought of doing it alone. Esme had made it quite clear that the child wouldn't be able to know what they were... so if I were to raise her, would that mean I would have to cut them out of my life? Could I do that? Did I want to do that, to raise a stranger's baby?  
  
But this wasn't just any other baby. Edward had saved this little girl, and she was going to be his salvation. He was going to stop killing for her, and come back to his family. Could I really deny him that? I knew I didn't owe him anything, but I certainly wasn't going to stand in the way of his recovery. I hadn't forgiven him for what he had done to me... to Renesmee, but I didn't want him to suffer for an eternity because of it.

I glanced up as I heard my armchair creak, in time to see Edward adjusting himself into it comfortably, settling in for the night.

"You don't need to watch us, Edward. She's asleep. I've got her."

"I know you do, Love, but I'm okay here."

I narrowed an eyebrow as I glared suspiciously at him.

"Don't you trust me with her, Edward?"

He flashed me my favourite crooked smile, almost laughing, it seemed, at the absurdity of my question.

"Of course I do, my love, but if I leave you _and_ her, where else in the world would I possibly have to go?"  



	13. Gift

** Gift **

  
_**Bella**_  
Disregarding the actual time and date, awakening the next morning would have felt like Christmas anyway, knowing that I was waking up to tend to my new baby. My baby. I still couldn't quite believe that I'd been given a second chance to be a mother, so soon after losing my precious Renesmee. But all doubts about whether or not it was all too good to be true instantly vanished as I emerged from my room to be astounded by the fruits of Alice's labour.

I stood, slack jawed and gawking, at what must have been every single device, gadget and gizmo invented for babies strewn haphazardly throughout the living areas in various stages of assembly.

"Holy... Alice! What did you do? Hold up a baby store?"

"Almost," Jasper smirked. "She bribed the manager to reopen, then emptied the place out."

I laughed incredulously as I wandered from toy to trinket, picking up and inspecting a Disney musical mobile before moving on to run my hand down the fur of the 5 foot tall teddy bear sitting in the corner. And then I spied the clothes... Lace dresses with matching bonnets and booties, warm onesies and matching suit sets in pretty pinks, pearl whites, soft greens and buttercup yellows were all hanging in a long, low, very intricately carved girly looking freestanding wardrobe... that was clearly intended for the nursery. In the same matching wood I spied a change table, crib, bassinet and ornate high chair.

I turned, grinning, to face the incredibly generous, stunning and wonderful Alice, and when I couldn't find the words, I leaned in and pulled her into a tight hug. Well, it was tight for me... but being made of stone, she probably hardly felt it... but she returned it gently. I pulled back and met her eyes.

"No one has ever explained the concept of 'overkill' to you, have they?"

"Nope," she replied, popping the 'P'.

I looked around, noticing suddenly that several familiar faces were missing... as was the baby.

"Where is everyone?"

Alice waved a hand nonchalantly over her shoulder, indicating the back of the house with indifference. "Oh, they're all in the back bathroom, fighting over who gets to bathe her. I told them you wouldn't mind if they started without you."

I just nodded... if I had been speaking to anyone else, I would have been infuriated that they dare to assume knowledge of my answer on something as important as giving the baby her first bath... but with Alice, I didn't have a leg to stand on, and I knew it. If she hadn't foreseen my reaction, she wouldn't have said anything. It got rather frustrating having a psychic around sometimes.

I started to walk down the hall, then a thought occurred to me and I spun on my heel, turning back to Alice.

"Umm, Alice... sweetie... my favourite, bestest sister in all the world?" I attempted to be smooth... butter her up, bat my eyelids and sweet talk her, but she shot me down before I even got started... laughing loudly, like happy tinkling bells.

"No Bella, I will not tell you what you decide to name her... you can figure that out on your own." She winked cheekily at me. "Oh, and I love it, by the way. I feel totally honoured."

"About what?" I asked, now more confused than ever.

"You'll see," she sing-songed, returning to assembling the crib.

Grumbling to myself, I turned again to seek out the rest of the family. I didn't have to go far... I could already hear Edward and Rosalie arguing.

Eventually, Carlisle... who actually looked just as enraptured over the baby as the rest of them... threatened to remove both Edward and Rose from the room if they didn't stop fighting, which induced them to come to a compromise. Rose would bathe her, Edward would dress her, then I would feed her. I later learned from Edward that Esme had joined him in my room after I fell asleep, and had quietly removed her from my side when she awoke for her night time feeds, so as not to disturb me, so she'd already had two turns at feeding her. I laughed when he told me that, instantly accepting the fact that I would be receiving much more help than could possibly be necessary with this baby... regardless of Esme's words last night. They wouldn't be able to stay away from her as I raised her, no matter what, and I think they all already realized it.  
  


 ** _Edward_**  
They say time flies when you're having fun, and I honestly didn't think that had ever been more true than it was on that Christmas day, surrounded by all of my family... including the Denalis, who had arrived just after Bella had finished her bacon and eggs... and promptly spent the entire morning being gooey and taking turns cuddling the sleeping baby as we all exchanged gifts. From the moment the baby had woken up in the morning until the time that Bella excused herself from the family to take herself and the baby off to bed, time felt like it was in fast forward. It was only as I accompanied Bella back to her room, for the second night in a row, that I actually felt consciously capable of taking control of how fast things were moving, and as I took up my usual spot in the armchair, I allowed the reality of what was happening to hit me full force.

I was back. I had my family back... I had some self pride back... but most importantly, I had Bella back in my life. Less than 24 hours ago, I had no future; no meaning in life, and my only purpose had been that of a murderer. Then somehow, some way that was unfathomable to me, I had been thrown a lifeline... in the form of a tiny, defenceless infant. Not only had she brought me back to my family, but she had brought me a way of helping my Bella to recover from the unforgivable pain I had caused her. She was an absolute miracle... my saving grace.

I watched Bella settle her into her newly assembled bassinet, which rested just beside the bed within easy reach of Bella's arms, should she awaken, but that was just a precaution. Residing in a house full of vampires who never needed sleep, and who all simply adored the baby, Bella had to know that there was no way she would actually end up being woken up to tend to the baby.

She was the only person here who needed sleep, why not let one of her very willing assistants take the night shift?

Bella straightened up, then hesitated; a tired but very satisfied expression on her beautiful face. She looked straight at me... our eyes connecting with a force that made it almost impossible to look away.

I broke the silence with a tentative, but confident whisper.

"Motherhood suits you, Love. She is very lucky to have you."

Bella dropped her eyes, and I could tell in that instant that her mind returned to Renesmee, but for the first time since that horrible September day, I didn't allow her to go into her moment of grief. I wanted to explore it. I leapt up from the chair and joined her on the bed, sitting by her side, and covered her hand with my own, keeping my voice as soft and unobtrusive as I could.

"I broke a promise the day I took Renesmee from your body, Bella, and I will never forgive myself for it as long as I exist. Do you know what that promise was?"  
  
Her tears had spilled instantly at my mention of what I had done to her, but she stayed with me, shaking her head 'no' in answer to my question, her head hung in agony.

"I had promised you that I would never force you, never defy your will, and I horribly broke that promise when I violated you on that table. I became the monster that I had never wanted you to see. I overpowered you with my strength, and I stole your choices from you. I had noble intentions, Bella... you know that... I would not sit back and watch you die, but that wasn't my decision to make. I know that now."

I stopped while she shook with the worst of her sobs, and while it killed me to see her cry, especially as I was the cause of it, I couldn't stop until I had explained my point to her. I wanted her to understand how things would be between us from now on.

"I know you will never forgive me, Love. I understand that completely. That you are even allowing me to be near you and this little one is a gift I do not deserve. I just want to make you a new promise, Bella... and I swear to you, I will never break it, not for anything."

"What's that?" she asked softly, having momentarily quieted her sobs.

I met her beautiful brown eyes and stroked a lock of her silken hair away from her tear drenched cheek before I replied.

"I will always respect you, Bella, from now on. I will respect your wishes, and your choices, and your decisions... regardless of my 'best intentions.' I swear, Bella... I will never hurt you again. I just want to be here, always, for you and for the baby. Is that okay?"

She nodded gently. "Okay, but I am going to need my own space, Edward. You can't stay in my room every night... not unless I ask you to, okay?"

I could accept that. "Okay."  
  
She put a hand gently on my arm. "This doesn't mean we are back together, Edward. I'm not ready for that. To be honest with you, I don't know if I'll ever be ready for that again. At least, not like we were."

I felt a crushing grip, squeezing my heart, trying to choke and suffocate me all at once, but I wasn't going to argue. I was in her life... that was already more than I had dared to hope for. I would take it and be satisfied with it.

"I need to ask you something, Edward... something that has been on my mind ever since that day."

"You can ask me anything, Love. I will answer it as honestly as I can."

She looked up into my eyes, again startling at the horrid redness of them, but she didn't flinch away.  
  
"How could you have done what you did? You must have known that I would hate you for it, so why take that risk? You destroyed our marriage, our love and our trust, all to try to save my life... when I might not even have died at all. I would have kept my heart beating, Edward, after her birth, so you could change me. I promised you I would keep my heart beating. Why wasn't that enough for you?"

Her voice was aching and accusatory, but hadn't I just promised to respect her, and to answer her as honestly as I could?

"Don't you see, Love, how simple that choice was for me? You are everything to me. How could I have ever loved her, regardless of what she was, if she had killed you? She would have been orphaned... for I would have followed you soon after."

She nodded, fresh tears glistening in her eyes, but I knew that she understood.

A small smile crept onto my face as I overheard what my family was doing in the living room. I groaned aloud, and Bella looked at me curiously.

"Are you going to sleep now love, or are you up for a little family chat?"

She eyed her bed longingly, but her curiosity was obviously stronger than her fatigue, so she asked me what the chat was about.

"We both might want to get back out there soon, or they're all going to name this baby without us."

Her eyes went wide with surprise. "Oh. I'd been thinking about that." I smiled happily at her.

"That's funny. So had I."

I rose quickly and offered her my hand, which she accepted quickly without hesitation, linking our fingers, and we walked together out into the live debate about the best name for our new child.

**_Bella_**  
"I can't help but notice some similarities between Hannah's situation and your human mother; so if you don't mind, Edward, I would like her name to somehow include Elizabeth.

"Of course I don't mind, I think she would be honoured. Are we giving her a second name?'

"I was thinking something for her birth mother. Elizabeth Hannah, maybe?"

Rosalie flicked through the baby name book on her lap with inhuman precision, stopping directly on the 'H' section of the girls names. "Hannah - (Hebrew), meaning 'Full of Grace'. How about Elizabeth Grace?"

Emmett chuckled softly from the seat beside Rose. "Yeah, that would make sense if you think about it. Calling her Grace, I mean... her mom was pretty full of Grace... for about nine months anyway."

Jasper hooted with laughter. Kate scowled, trying to suppress a small grin. Rose just leaned over, not even taking her eyes off the book, and slapped him deftly across the back of the head.

I smiled at her. "How about Rosalice Elizabeth Grace Cullen?"  
  
She beamed at me... a little stunned. "You would name her for me?"

"As long as you wouldn't mind."

"Mind. Are you kidding? Bella, I would love that." I'd never seen Rosalie's smile more brilliantly beautiful.

I turned to Alice. "Do you mind?"

Alice grinned. "I've already told you... I'm honoured. But I know you can come up with something more original for a second name."  
  
As we all went back into 'think' mode I suddenly had a nervous thought. If Esme didn't want the baby to know what they were, should I give her my maiden name, so that she doesn't see the connection? I quickly ran the question by Carlisle. He smiled kindly.

"Aren't you still a Cullen, Bella?"  
  
I glanced nervously across at Edward, but failed to read his expression.

"Yes," I spoke in a small voice.

"You and the baby will always be a part of this family Bella... no matter what names you have. The choice is yours."

I nodded appreciatively. Of course Carlisle was right, but the baby was a part of Edward too, and she deserved to carry his name.

"It's up to you, Bella. I don't mind. After all, what's in a name? That which we call a rose by any other name would smell as sweet." He wiggled his eyebrows playfully.

I grinned as I continued with a personalized version of Juliet's lines.

"So Rosie would, were she not Swan called, retain that dear perfection which she owes without that title."

I felt a small shiver in my heart as I shared that moment with Edward. It felt like old times. I sat close beside him as I tried desperately to come up with ways of blending some more family names together, to make her original name even more meaningful.

"Rosalice Gracebeth Cullen," suggested Carlisle.

I shrugged. It wasn't bad... I rolled a few more names off my tongue, just to check how they sounded.

"Ellannah... Hannahbeth..." I eyed Edward for his opinion. He screwed his nose up.

"Or you could try combining Elizabeth and Carlisle; Carliza... Carlizabeth?" tried Esme.

Emmett's booming laughter again filled the room.

"Fo shizzle, Carlizzle, how's it crackalackin?"

I tried to glare at Emmett, but I couldn't keep my face serious long enough to get the words out.

"I'll throw you out, Emmett."

He laughed. "I'd like to see you try, Bella."

I turned my attention back to Esme, responding to her suggestion as if Emmett hadn't interrupted.

"No, I've already used Carlisle's and Charlies name in Renesmee's name. I don't know if I ever actually told you all, but her full name was Renesmee Carlie Cullen."

"That's beautiful Bella. Thank you," spoke Carlisle softly.

The room fell silent again. Briefly.

"Rosalice Lizannah Cullen," offered Jasper.

The whole room turned and looked at me. I grinned at Jasper.

"Rosalice Lizannah Cullen." I tested it... liking the way it sounded. Edward met my eyes and gave his nod of approval. I turned back to where Alice and Jasper sat entwined on the couch, presenting them both with a very grateful smile.

"Thank you Jazz, it's perfect."

* * *

  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: Rosalice is pronounced as Rosa-Lease, and in the 12 years since I wrote this story that name has grown on me so much, I actually adore it now. This whole naming scene was written very tongue-in-cheek as a bit of a poke at SM for coming up with Renesmee, and ‘Lizannah’ is definitely meant to be following in that same tone. 
> 
> Please leave me a review, constructive criticism is always welcome.


	14. Questions

**_Bella_**  
I sat with Kate on the sofa in the living room, Rosalice comfortably in my arms as I watched the latest videos of her stunning Colt - this one showing him galloping and  
cavorting across the field at top speed, kicking and bucking, the wind making his mane and tail stream out behind him. I couldn't contain my grin of pleasure... he  
was so beautiful to watch. She had named him after his father, and I couldn't help but have a giggle at that too. Les petit Dejeuner - _Breakfast_.

Rosalice was awake in my arms, but she didn't stir - she was perfectly content just to lay there. Her tiny rosebud mouth was pressed closed in a sweet, very kissable  
pucker, which made her chubby cheeks stand out even further than usual. Alice had dressed her this morning, long before I had even awoken, in a pale green lace dress  
with matching booties, bonnet and panties that gathered in ruffles around her chubby legs, hiding her diaper. Her thin, silvery blonde hair lay flat against her  
head, but even though there were only just enough strands to barely cover the skin, Alice couldn't help herself, and hadn't even left that alone. Around Rosalice's head  
was a white and green lace headband.

Of course, the whole outfit was ridiculously inappropriate for this time of year, especially in Alaska, but the top floor apartment had been maintained at such an unusually warm temperature since the baby's arrival that even I was walking around in t-shirts. Every gas fireplace in the apartment burned 24/7. I didn't want to imagine what the utility bill would look like. I had offered to pay half of it, Alice had looked so offended that I had let the subject drop, and hadn't dared to broach it again.

I took advantage of every second that I had with my new little girl. It seemed that if I put her down to sleep, or even just laid her on the bed while I changed my clothes, within seconds she would have been scooped up by one of her overenthusiastic nannies. She'd been sound asleep when I put her in her crib on the night after Christmas, before going to take a shower, but when I emerged, not ten minutes later, it was to find Emmett with her curled up in his arms. He shushed me as I walked into the room.

"She was asleep Em." I scowled softly, not wanting to wake her again, but growing increasingly frustrated with everyone's overhelpfulness. He grinned at me sheepishly.

"I know, but I just wanted a cuddle. Whenever we get to have her Rose won't let me touch her."

I laughed, shaking my head in dismay, but it had only gotten worse since then. It seemed that none of my vampires could stand the thought of Rosalice sleeping in  
her own bed, so as soon as I'd gone to sleep, they would come in and steal her, and take turns cuddling her all night long. Oh, they swore to me that she stayed asleep...  
they weren't crazy enough to deny an infant of that... they just didn't see the point of her sleeping in a cold, motionless bed when there were so many willing pairs of  
arms to cuddle her little body each night. And I didn't have the heart to stop them.

After Christmas, things around the apartment started to return to normal; well as normal as they could be now that I was a Mom to an adopted child, and sharing a home with my estranged husband and all of his family.

All of the Denali's except for Kate had left us soon after Christmas; Kate had begged Tanya to go back to care for her horses so that she could spend a few more days here with the baby, while Carmen and Eleazar had gone for an extended vacation in Europe, but Esme and Carlisle had decided to stay here. The pair had been clucking around like two mother hens over Rosalice... it was actually quite funny to watch. I swear Carlisle seemed to be more maternal and gooey over the baby than even Esme.

Carlisle had even spoken of continuing his studies so that he could specialise in paediatrics. He had spoken with a friend of his on the board at Harvard, and had already been unofficially accepted to begin there in the fall. He probably already knew more than all his professors combined, but he needed a valid qualification from this century to be able to practice, and admitted there were probably some new advances and equipment that he didn't know about yet, so he didn't mind going back to school. He was looking forward to it, infact. He didn't actually need to work - it wasn't like they needed the money.

Then there was Rosalie and Emmett. Rose had apparently told Emmett that they would be staying in Juneau. She had absolutely no intentions of leaving behind an infant niece, who was probably the closest she would get to raising a child of her own, to return to, in her exact words, 'that rotten stinkhole of a city'... and that was that. They had both enrolled at UAS with Alice, Jasper and I, and were living with us in Alice and Jasper's apartment while they drastically renovated their own new Manor House just a few blocks away. This would leave Edward at home with Esme and Carlisle during the daylight hours, sharing the care and responsibility of his new daughter.

To his credit, Edward seemed to be seamlessly readjusting to living in civilisation.

Jasper, Carlisle and Emmett had all been working hard with him to help him fight his refreshed blood lust; they had also taken him hunting a few times already, so by  
the time the new year rolled around his eyes were back to being a beautiful butterscotch, which I had to admit, did make me feel more comfortable around him again... especially when he was holding the baby.

Surprisingly though, Edward's thirst remained completely unaffected by Rosalice's or my blood, even on his worst days, but I guess that we were just so important to him that the thought of drinking our blood sickened him instead of tempting him.

I couldn't deny the delight that brought me. Even through all that he had done, I never once feared for my safety around him... or for the baby's.

 _The baby_.

Just the thought of her made me smile.

Rosalice was like a shiny new star in my night sky. Since moving to Juneau, my life had been pretty simple, very ordinary, and rather uneventful, but I guess that is how  
I needed it to be. I had been slowly but surely moving on from my crippling grief after losing Renesmee, but I still always had that underlying twinge of sadness  
throughout everything I did. Yet since Rosalice came into my life, things had changed again, and I was looking at the world through a whole new shade of grey.

  
Of course I was still grieving for Renesmee... if anything, Rosalice's presence made me ache more for her as I subliminally compared my human child's accomplishments to those that my vampire child would have had, but she also so thoroughly filled that nurturing maternal side of me that had been left a gaping, raw hole after Renesmee's death. I was well aware that I needed to be careful when comparing the two; I didn't want Rosalice to ever feel like she had to live up to any unrealistic expectations, or to think that she was simply there to replace the child I had lost. In the week that I'd had to get to know her, I already loved this new little girl with my whole heart, unconditionally... and for her own soul... not because she filled the emptiness in my heart. I mean, she did fill most of it, but that wasn't why I loved her.

  
Much to my chagrin, from the moment that Edward and I first announced her name, the entire family had been referring to her as Rosie. I knew it was my fault; I had spoken that nickname during my little impromptu replying quote of Juliet's lines, but I hadn't expected it to stick. It wasn't that Rosie was such a bad name... I thought it was quite cute actually, but I loved the originality of Rosalice, and I defiantly refused to be pressured into shortening it myself merely because everyone else was.

So, whether it was intentional or not I didn't exactly know, but one thing I was sure of; Rosalice had succeeded in bringing the Cullen's back together as a family.

Things were getting back to how they should be.

Well... _almost..._

While I couldn't deny that I still loved Edward, and I tried very hard to show him that I did trust him with Rosalice, I couldn't help but feel a little weirded out by the way the family treated us when we were together. It was like we were still a couple in their eyes, and it made me uncomfortable. Jasper noticed it straight away, of course and he tried to soothe away my fears, but I was still uneasy. If things continued back on this path, Edward and I would be officially back together within a  
month or two... and I knew I didn't want that.

As far as the outside world was concerned, we had decided to tell everyone that Rosalice was Edward's orphaned niece, and we would be raising her as our own...  
which, among other things, meant that Edward and I were still pretending that we were happily married. As far as Rosalice herself was concerned though... we weren't  
quite sure yet what we were going to tell her. Edward had assured me that the family had ways of getting official looking paperwork that could cover just about anything... including adoption papers and a birth certificate, but I didn't know if I wanted to lie to Rosalice about where she had actually come from. But then of course, the truth would open up a whole new world of problems and questions... which I didn't know if I would ever be able to give the answers to.

_**Edward**_  
I could not recall a time when my family, as a group, had ever been happier. Esme beamed like the sun; Jasper bounced around constantly, obviously on a happy high from feeding off of everyone's bliss; and Bella... ahh, my Bella, it brought me more joy than I deserved to see her smiling again. Even Rose was happy, and more friendly towards everyone else than I ever thought her capable of, and she smiled so often nowadays that she looked like a completely different person.

Not towards me though. Rosalie still nursed an intense hatred of me for what I had done, calling me cunning and manipulative for bringing this new baby in to 'replace' Renesmee. We mostly just tried to avoid each other, but it wasn't easy, and it worried me deeply that to some degree Bella might share some of the protectively over-paranoid concerns that plagued my sister. Rose had made it very clear with her thoughts that she didn't trust me around the baby, and when I was alone with Rosie she watched and listened to my every move... constantly on edge... just waiting for me to slip up.

I understood her fears. I knew they were warranted, but I had vowed to earn back my families trust and respect, and I couldn't expect to do that in just a couple of days. So as much as I wanted to, I refrained from confronting Rose. She was just trying to protect Bella and Rosie, and I couldn't fault her for that.

Then there was the matter of Bella. Seeing her with a baby in her arms made me ache with the love I felt for her, and the longing that I felt in every second of every day for the trust in me that she had once had. I knew I would never earn it back - not to the degree that I had it, but I was determined to show her that I could be good enough to earn a place in her life again - that I could be a good father, despite being a monster.

This little one was my salvation. She deserved for me to change.

Bella deserved for me to change.

I hadn't spent any alone time with Bella since Christmas day, and although I couldn't hear anything in their thoughts, my suspicions that this was a deliberate action on the part of my family wouldn't go away. They were always willing to let me have more than my fair share of cuddle time and care of Rosalice, but when Bella was around, it always seemed to be more convenient for one of them to assist Bella - either that or Carlisle or one of my brothers would chose the exact moment that Bella walked into the room to decide that I needed another counselling session, or a hunting trip.

Jasper and Emmett seemed to be of the opinion that if I glutted myself on animal blood, it would help with my transition back to vegetarianism, but really, I think they just didn't like the look of me with red eyes. I'd been hunting with them both twice on separate occasions in the last week, and I actually was enjoying the addition of Alaska's winter wildlife to my diet. I still couldn't bring myself to feed from wolves though... out of respect for Jacob, and what he had sacrificed for my beloved.

Carlisle though, wasn't so quick in allowing me to forget the reasons for my recent slip. In his efforts to try to 'talk me off the ledge' so to speak, He had insisted on meeting with me daily to discuss my feelings of guilt over my betrayal of Bella's trust that had inadvertently led to Renesmee's death - which of course, had been the motivation behind my latest lapse from our vegetarian lifestyle. He thought that if I could put that guilt behind me, I would be able to forgive myself and move on. The main problem with these counselling sessions was that I had heard it all before. I was well educated and intelligent, so I already knew the theory behind everything they said to me, I just didn't necessarily agree with it.

Carlisle had tried to tell me that Renesmee's death wasn't my fault. Bullshit! I had cut her out of her mother's womb; of course her death was my fault, and nothing any of them could do or say would ever convince me otherwise.

I hadn't given Carlisle's words a lot of thought during the months that I'd been a renegade, but since returning to the family, I had begun to wonder whether my father truly would have done what I had done. He said he would have killed what we had perceived to be a monster, but I just could not seem to picture him taking Bella's will from her the way that I had. If she had begged him, the way she had begged me on that table, he wouldn't have been able to go through with it.

I was certain. If it was what she wished, he would have respected that - even if it had killed her.

That was where my father and I differed, I guess. As hard as I tried to be, I just wasn't as strong as him.

He was proud of me for returning to the family, but part of him ached with the knowledge that it wasn't my love for my family that brought me back... it was the overwhelming need to love a child... even a strangers child, and to give that child to my bride. See, even Carlisle believed that I was attempting to replace Renesmee with Rosalice... but I couldn't find an argument convincing enough to make them think otherwise.

Was it true then? Was I seeking absolution from the sin of killing my daughter, by saving someone else's? It did make sense. And if it was true, would that forever taint  
my relationship with my new daughter, the way that I knew my betrayal would forever taint my relationship with Bella?

Bella had accepted me back into her life. She was willing to accept me as the father to our adopted daughter, yet, our marriage was over. Yes, she still loved me - hearing those words from her lips made my heart sing - but she'd said herself, it wasn't enough. Would this mean that we would raise this child together as friends? I barely knew the meaning of the word, especially when it came to Bella. Being just her 'friend' seemed an impossibility to me.

Would this also mean that Bella would live out her life as a human, and eventually die? In the beginning, it was all I wanted for her; to remain human, to keep her incredible heart beating, to never allow the monster that infected the rest of us to ever take up residence in her body. But now, selfishly, the thought that what I had done had changed her so much that she could no longer bear the thought of an eternity with these memories... something she had once begged me for... stung like salt in an open wound.

And so, I came to these counselling sessions with my father... if not to answer his questions, then to seek answers for my own. For I would try; even if it took the rest of her life, I would continued to try to restore Bella's faith in me. I had to. It was what I was living for. It was why I had come back.


	15. Solitude

**Solitude**

  
  


**_Edward_ **

It truly did amaze me that such a tiny, helpless little creature could already have  such a strong hold over my heart in just two short weeks. If Rosalice cried, my heart  went out to her, and I would do anything necessary to take away the need for her  sorrow. If she yawned, I would rock her in my arms and sing her soft lullabies until  she went to sleep, but the first time she smiled, I honestly thought that I was about  to melt into a puddle of goo... she had so thoroughly and completely won my love.

I thought often of her birth mother, and of what the woman had sacrificed to try to  keep this little one safe. I wondered if she would be happy knowing that I had kept  her child, and was continuing to protect her from exploitation. I also wondered how  she would feel if she knew her daughter was being raised by a family of vampires.

Rosalice's presence in our lives had certainly changed Bella; it was rare nowadays  to see her without a smile or a look of contentment on her face, but I had to wonder  how deep that contentment ran. Several times I had caught her daydreaming,  distance in her brown eyes, and I was sure that she was remembering our daughter.

I hated that I had caused her so much pain, and I longed for the chance to have  another deep and meaningful conversation with her, but I was reluctant to when  there were six pairs of very astute ears in the apartment, quite capable of hearing  every word... even through closed doors.

I didn't have to wait for long though. The opportunity arose just a few days later,  on Wednesday afternoon, when Carlisle came rushing into the apartment in an  excited whirl of snow, brandishing tickets to the Baryshnikov version of 'The  Nutcracker' ballet... an absolute favourite of Esme's and my sisters. He had gotten  all six of them tickets... much to Emmett's dismay, and they would all be attending  the ballet together in Paris tomorrow night, flying out in the morning and staying for  the weekend in the Villa that Emmett and Rosalie kept in the heart of the city,  simply for the convenience of such weekend escapes.

I could have kissed him. I knew exactly why he hadn't invited Bella and I, and it  had nothing to do with the reasons he had mentioned about the baby being too  young to travel, or having no one to mind her. My father was an amazingly generous  and self sacrificing man; he would happily have given up his own ticket to Bella and  offered to mind the baby. No, it wasn't that at all. I knew that this expensive, little  weekend getaway was for no other reason than to give Bella and I some alone time  together... to bond as parents with our new daughter... and to get reacquainted with  each other. I was pretty sure Bella knew it too, and what surprised me most was that  she didn't seem to mind.

The apartment was so quiet after they had gone... it felt too large and empty, and  just a tiny bit awkward. My family hadn't left Bella and me alone together since  Christmas day, and the sudden removal of all distractions and excuses not to  communicate had suddenly flown away with the rest of my family. It was just the  three of us, for four whole days.

I was thrilled.

  
  


**_Bella_ **

Of course Alice had warned me, but that didn't make this any easier, or less  awkward. Carlisle was trying to give Edward and I some privacy, and I both  understood and respected his reasons behind it, but I felt like I was being kept out  of the loop on what they all clearly knew was going to happen... like the music had  stopped and I was left alone in the middle of the dance floor, and all eyes were on  me, waiting for me to make the next move, but I had no idea what to do.

After Christmas, I had managed to corner Alice and wheedle an honest answer out  of her about the vision she had seen of me with a husband and baby. Sheepishly, she  had admitted that it had become a stronger image over time and it was now very clearly Edward and Rosalice that she had seen in her vision. S he could see that Edward and I would be together again, but she  refused to tell me any more than that.

I couldn't help it. I was angry; angry at Alice for not telling me this sooner, angrier  at Edward for not having had a proper conversation with me for the past two weeks,  when he obviously knew what Alice had foreseen, but mostly - more than anything  else, I was angry at myself for still loving him. How could I still have feelings for the  person who had murdered my own child? How could I allow him anywhere near my  new child? Why couldn't I just take this new baby and turn away from this family,  and start out our lives anew... as mother and daughter... completely free of the  supernatural world?

Of course it had occurred to me that I would eventually have to do just that, and  do it before Rosalice got to an age where she would recognize her father, aunts,  uncles and grandparents for what they were. Really, it would be easier to do it  sooner rather than later... just make a clean break and never look back. I knew that  would be the best thing to do. I just couldn't seem to be able to do it. It would break  their hearts... all of them... but mostly, I think I knew that it would be Edward's  undoing if he lost her and me now, and my love for him - however irrational and  undeserved - was too strong to enable me to be the cause of his downfall.

Alice wouldn't tell me whether I would be turned in my future or not. She said that  decision hadn't been made yet, and it rested entirely on my shoulders, so she  wouldn't know until I did. I frowned and told her that was a cop-out answer, but she  just winked at me and twirled away. I knew she was right about one thing: Edward  and I had lots to discuss, boundaries to set, and rules and responsibilities to lay out  concerning the baby.

So this weekend together was very necessary, but the idea of  being alone with him.  _ Gah _ , I was nervous. I just didn't know if I could trust myself to stay strong.

For as much as I hated to admit it, I knew that I was slowly but surely letting  Edward back in to my heart. He sought forgiveness from me in every look, every  touch and every word, and though I was firm in the belief that what he had done  was unforgivable, I was getting closer and closer to allowing him a second chance. I  was sure, though, that this wasn't just me being weak. He had changed... he had  learned from his horrible, domineering mistake, and he had sworn to me that he  would never take advantage of my physical weakness again. 

I honestly believed him.

I could see that he had changed.

It had saddened me when he had returned to killing, but I had secretly felt just a  tiny bit smug about it; knowing that Edward knew how badly he had screwed  up...that he knew so completely that there was no coming back from what he had  done, that he had returned to killing. 

A tiny, vicious voice in my head had said  _ 'Good, he deserves to suffer' _ ... but despite all that, it had still killed a part of me every time I'd had to look into his red eyes. They were so warm and golden again now… satisfied and happy. I liked it. Happy suited him. So, for that matter, did parenthood.

Rosalice simply adored him, and at just 18 days of age, she firmly had her father,  and every other member of the Cullen family for that matter, wrapped around her  littlest chubby pink finger.

The apartment felt eerily silent without all of the family, and for the first time in  months, I actually found myself hiding away in my bedroom with Rosalice... not  feeling comfortable enough to have full run of this massive apartment while its  owners were away. I knew that I was being silly, but that didn't make the feeling go  away. Edward hadn't come back upstairs with us after bidding his family goodbye,  so it was just the baby and me, on our own. It felt strangely wonderful.

I sat with her on the bed, holding her in the crook of my arm, content just  admiring her perfection. She gazed up at me, those beautiful shadowy eyes that  were beginning to show a tinge of green half closed in weariness, and she yawned  widely, bringing her tiny fist up to her face as she did. I grinned happily down at her  and moved so that we were laying, side by side on my bed; my head on the pillow,  my arms protectively encircled around her as she lay quietly, ready for sleep.

My back was to the door, so I didn't hear or see Edward come in, but I could sense  that his eyes were on us long before he leaned over me to tuck a soft quilt around  Rosalice's body. His long, pale fingers smoothed the quilt over her, then gently, but  very deliberately traced up my arm, tenderly stroking my skin, leaving gooseflesh in  their wake. Even I could hear my traitorous heart quicken, and I gazed up at him...  just a little shocked, as he leaned over me to softly kiss Rosalice's forehead.

"Sweet dreams, my angel."

My breath caught in my throat as he touched my arm again, and I tried not to  focus on the quickening in my stomach. 

_ God, what was wrong with me? _

Rosalice would have none of that. As she saw him attempting to withdraw from  the room, she let out a soft squawk of protest, obviously wanting another of her  father's beautiful songs to lull her into sleep. 

Edward knew it too... he could see it in her mind... and glanced at me questioningly, seeking permission, before circumnavigating the bed and laying down on the other side of her, facing me. He took one of her tiny hands in his as he began to hum my lullaby, never breaking his  eye contact with her until her sleepy lids fluttered closed, then his smoldering golden gaze shifted to meet my tear filled eyes.

His fingers left our daughter's hand, and flew to my face, quickly wiping at my  tears, but when he stopped humming, I moaned, as if in pain, and quietly begged  him for more. He leaned over, slowly - giving me plenty of time to back away if I  wanted to - and pressed his lips to my cheeks, kissing away my tears. I watched his  tongue dart out to lick the salty water off his lips, and he moaned at the taste of me  before trailing his lips gently down my cheek, pressing soft kisses against my flesh...  and with a sigh, he brushed his mouth against mine in a tentative kiss.

Well aware of the sleeping baby on the bed between us, I didn't react quite as  passionately as I wanted to, but I couldn't refrain from pushing myself up off the  bed, onto my knees leaning towards him, deepening the kiss. A desperate, longing  growl emitted from my throat as he stepped back and took me into his arms, my legs  quickly and automatically wrapping around his waist, my hands wildly gripping his  shoulders, running through his hair... my body thrilling at being pressed so tightly to  him in this sudden fit of passion, and the motion of his long, artistic fingers stroking  patterns up my back, while his other hand easily held my willing body against him.

_ 'What in Hell am I doing?' _

Apparently Edward had the same thought. One second we were entangled  together beside my bed, then I think I had time to blink before I realized that we  were in the living room. I had been placed on the couch and Edward was ten  feet away from me, his hands on his knees as he gasped for unnecessary breath.

Even from across the room I could see that his eyes were dark with desire, but as  I sat, struggling for control on the couch, I could also clearly make out the confusion  and self hatred on his face. I didn't need a psychology degree to figure that one out.

He was ashamed... he thought he'd taken advantage of me.

Swallowing my resolve--and if was being completely honest, my feelings of  betrayal of Renesmee--I pushed myself up off the couch and approached him. He  straightened up as I neared him, obviously wondering what I was going to do. He  just stood still and waited.

I smiled. Reaching up to his face, I put my hand gently on his cheek, cupping my  palm around it, then I placed my other hand against his beautifully sculpted chest,  steadying myself against him as I raised up on my tiptoes to brush a feather light  kiss across his lips. Sighing as we broke contact, I allowed him to pull me against his  body, loving the feel of his hard cold body against mine. I felt like I had come home.

I reached up with my fingers, between our bodies, and undid his top three buttons  so that I could press my cheek against his bare skin.

"We can't rush this, Edward... I can't..." I stammered a little over my words, trying  to think of how to tell him that my heart had suddenly constricted and told my brain  that I shouldn't be starting something like this... it was doomed to have to come to  an end for Rosalice's sake, but I just couldn't pull away. Yes, this would definitely  have to be a gradual change. It was all so confusing.

He pressed a gentle kiss to the top of my head, and I swear I could feel his lips  smiling even through my hair.

"Love, we have all the time in the world."

I wanted nothing more than to believe him in that moment, but I didn't see how it  could be possible.


	16. Reconciliation

** Reconciliation **

_**Bella** _

I still wasn't entirely sure why I agreed to go out to dinner with Edward. Apart  from the fact that I had always felt self conscious sitting in a restaurant with  someone who doesn't eat, we had the apartment to ourselves, so we didn't need to  go out to get privacy. In fact, it would have been more private for us to just stay at  home. Maybe that was why he had suggested this evening outing... he didn't want  me to feel uncomfortable. Still, I couldn't deny the showy, new Mom pride that was  thrilled to be taking my baby out into the world for the first time. I couldn't wait to  show her off in public, and an impromptu night out for dinner seemed to be the  perfect way to introduce her to the world.

Of course, since I was the only one that would be eating, Edward gave me full  choice of where we would go, and when I replied that I was in the mood for Thai, he  grinned.

"Ooh," he said excitedly, clearly thrilled that I had accepted this dinner date  without question or hesitation. "There's a great little Thai place up at Auke Bay,  called Chan's."

I grinned. "Hmm, you've dined there a lot, have you?" I joked, arching an eyebrow  at him.

He rolled his stunning golden eyes at me. "No, I've heard people talking about it.  They say it's great."

It was unusually mild January weather, but I still wouldn't take any chances with  Rosalice; bundling her up in the warmest thick quilted suit that I could find in her  ridiculously expansive wardrobe, and teaming it with a hooded jacket and beanie,  mittens, scarf and booties... then wrapping her in blankets so that all that was really  visible of her were her eyes. Edward laughed when I brought her out of the nursery,  holding the bedroll-looking bundle against my chest carefully, to make sure I didn't  trip over any trailing blankets. 

I thought that I should probably relinquish her to  Edward for the walk down all those stairs, just in case my Swan lack of grace and  equilibrium should choose this moment to rear its ugly head. I glanced up into his  amused face and handed her over without a word, watching Edward gently tuck her  in against one shoulder, before I ducked quickly back into the nursery to fetch her  pram; the bassinet insert already securely in place of the seat, the wide wheels  gliding effortlessly on the dual suspension. Alice had really gone overboard, but for  once, I didn't mind. It wasn't for me, it was for Rosalice... and of course she  deserved the absolute best of everything.

When we, and all our attachments arrived in the parking garage, it didn't take me  long to realize what Edward must have been doing when he didn't return to the  apartment with Rosalice and I. The Volvo had been transformed into a family car...  complete with Tigger window shades, a string of colourful rattles and toys that hung  over the back seat from one side of the car to the other, a very cosy, opulent looking  baby capsule, and to top it all off, a 'baby on board' sign on the back window. He  grinned at me as he watched the realization dawn on my face, and I met it with my  own smile, very glad that he had thought of everything.

Gently, he lifted her and her cocoon of blankets from his shoulder into his arms  and crawled into the backseat with her, taking more time, care and precision to  settle her correctly into the chair than I'd ever seen him do with anything before. It  almost made me laugh, watching him being so deliberately slow and careful,  adjusting and then readjusting the straps and buckles so that Rosalice was  comfortably, but securely, positioned in the car.

I felt a pang in my heart as I watched him being so careful with her, and in that  moment I had an epiphany. He was so aware of her every need, her comfort and her  safety. It made my heart swell with love that he was already such a wonderful  father, but it also hurt my heart that this child that he was being so gentle with wasn't our  biological child... because he had killed her... but I couldn't forever punish him for  that mistake.

He hadn't meant Renesmee any harm, he was just trying to save my  life. He couldn't have known what she was. I realized that now. Actually, I think I  realized that all along, but my anger at him for violating my free will, combined with  the grief of losing my daughter had made me need to blame him... when, in reality, if  he hadn't done what he had done, Renesmee and I both would have died. It wasn't  fair of me to punish him forever for saving my life.

She had been an impossibility  from the start... I couldn't blame him just because I hadn't realized that in time.

He was my husband. He had promised to love and protect me. Didn't saving my  life fall under the heading of 'protection'? Hang on, 'Was' my husband? Still is my  husband... yet, how terribly have I treated him?

_ Slow Down Bella! _

My mind screamed in protest at my heart, but I already knew it was fighting a  losing battle; I'd had to accept that Edward was going to be a part of my life, a part  of Rosalice's life for at least the next few years. After that, I wasn't sure. But if all I  had with him were the next few years, I wasn't going to waste them just being his  'friend', because friendship with Edward was a lie, and I wouldn't live a lie. We  would never be just friends... my soul belonged to him, and in spite of the fact that I  knew I could never fully forgive him for my daughter's death, I still loved him. I  didn't even know if that made sense, but my love for Edward had always been  nothing if not complex. It would take time, but if he could prove that he had changed  and was willing to try, then I would too. I just had to come up with a way to get my  head and my heart to agree, and come to a compromise... because this limbo of 'are  we, aren't we' was killing me...as much as the knowledge that he had hurt me was so  obviously killing him.

I needed to put us both out of our misery, and I think I knew the perfect way to do  it.

_**Edward** _

We sat in silence on the way to the restaurant, but I could tell there was  something heavy on her mind. I reached over the space between the seats, and felt a  thrill shoot through me when she slid her fingers easily between mine, entwining  them, and bringing them to rest on her thigh. Just a simple gesture, yet it filled me  with such hope that we were finally on our way back to each other.

Bella lifted our sleeping daughter out of the car while I fetched the pram. I  couldn't deny, the advancements in baby products had come a long way in my life  time. This thing was positively revolutionary. I struggled with the clasps and clips,  cursing under my breath in frustration... and feeling very tempted just to give it a  good hard yank... but having the pram snapped into several different pieces wasn't  going to help this situation. I heard a soft noise behind me, and turned to see Bella  in a fit of silent giggles.

"Would you like some help with that, Edward?"

I shot her a dark look and tried one more time to separate the pram from its  folded position, but gave up when I heard another soft chortle from Bella. Sulking, I  stepped forward and took the baby wordlessly out of her arms.

Bella laid the thing on the ground, held the handle, pressed a button and pulled.  She looked up at me as the whole contraption slid silently together and clicked into  place, trying - but not succeeding - to contain her laughter.

"This is great. It looks like we've finally found something that you are not perfect  at."

I growled at her playfully as I lay the baby securely in the device, but let it go as I  wrapped my arm loosely around her waist, and we all walked together into the  restaurant.

We sat at a quiet table by the window, and I scooped Rosalice into my arms as my  alibi for not eating as Bella ordered her meal. Her amusement at the situation  outside still played around her eyes and in the smirk across her lips. Her skin shone  in the filtered light, and her scent wafted straight to me, as if it were drawn to me.  Her eyes met mine across the table, and I smiled.

"I love you, Bella."

We had said those words to each other hundreds of times, but the strength of that  particular emotion never ceased to amaze me when it came to Bella. She gave me a  small smile, but didn't return the sentiment. I knew it was still true, but I longed to  hear the words from her again. I cast my eyes down to the tiny girl in my arms... her  soon-to-be brilliant green eyes open and focussed on me, her thoughts content.

"I love you, Rosalice."

The baby's thoughts didn't come in coherent sentences - she didn't know words  yet - but she knew what she wanted, when she was comfortable or uncomfortable,  hot or cold, and what she did and didn't like. And she liked hearing that. I smiled  down at her, lifting her slightly so I could gently kiss her cheek.

Bella leaned towards me across the table, a sympathetic look in her eyes as she all  but whispered the words I had been dreading to hear since Christmas Eve.

"You know that I will have to take her away at some point Edward... from you, and  all of your family. Esme said that she can't know about you, or the Volturi will want  her life, and I will not let them kill her. I'll need to take her somewhere where you  can never come after us Edward. I have to take her back to Forks. The wolves will  protect us if they should ever come looking for me..." she hesitated, and I knew that  her mind had gone to Jake. "Well..." she amended, "I think Seth will, anyway. I don't  know about the rest of them, not after Jake..."

I interrupted, unable to contain my protest. "A few years are not enough, Bella. I  won't be able to let you go."

"You'll have to, Edward. I can't see any other alternative... not with Rosalice."

It occurred to me in that fraction of a second that this might be a test. Would Bella  test me like this? Was she waiting for me to say something about Rosalice not being  ours, we didn't need to worry about her... we could still have our eternity together...  that there were plenty of loving homes for our little girl to go to? I had to admit, the  idea had crossed my mind, but I had dismissed it as immediately as it had come.

Rosalice was just as much my daughter now as any of my family were my family...  blood meant nothing. I wouldn't give up Rosalice any more than I would give up  Bella.

"No. I can't accept that, Bella. I want you and Rosie with me, for the rest of your  lives... immortal or human."

She shook her head. "But the Volturi...?"

I shook my head vehemently. "We will find a way, Love. I swear it."

She wouldn't give up. "What if we can't? Rosalice has to come first, Edward. I  won't risk her life by exposing her to that world."

I hung my head. This was what I had promised her. That I would never again force  her hand, never go against her wishes. If she demanded that I let her and Rosalice

go, I would have to do it. Could I do it?

"I know, Bella. I won't risk her either, but I don't ever want to lose either of you. The thought of you raising her alone..." I stopped as a worse thought hit me, and I had to consciously loosen my hold on the baby in my arms for fear of crushing her in my sudden anger. "Or of you finding another man to help you raise her... I can't bear it. I will find a way for this to work."

She nodded in response as the waitress arrived with her food, and turned her  attention to her meal, but I could tell this conversation was far from over.

**_Bella_ **

After my fabulous meal, during which Edward sat at the table with Rosalice on his  lap, feeding her out of a bottle, we returned home to put our little one to bed. I got  the impression that Edward was just as excited at being alone with me as I was with  him. Normally, on any given night, I would vary between sharing in the evening  discussions with Esme and Carlisle, arguing with Alice over her newest additions to  my wardrobe, or listening to the boys fight and wrestle or give their running  commentaries on whatever sports happened to be on TV that night. 

But without all  the extra people to keep us company, Edward and I were faced with the slightly  daunting prospect of amusing ourselves... something that used to come naturally to  us without any need for conscious thought... but that hadn't happened since our  honeymoon. In fact, there were a few things that hadn't happened since our  honeymoon... a fact that I planned to rectify tonight.

I was forcing myself to be brave. Edward and I had been through so much  together that I refused to allow myself to be intimidated by our sudden renewed  togetherness. We could do this. It was nothing to get all worked up about.

_ So why the hell are you hyperventilating then, Bella? _

Dammit. I needed to calm down, or this wasn't going to work.

**_Edward_ **

I lay our sleeping angel down in her crib and tucked her in tight as I listened to  the sounds of Bella going through her night time rituals in the bathroom. I was  hoping that she would agree to come and sit with me to watch a movie, rather than  going straight to sleep, but either way, I wasn't going to push her. We had already  accomplished quite a bit tonight. She needed time. Heck, if there was one thing I  had, it was time.

Expecting her sweet smelling form to be clad in her usual old sweats and t-shirt as  I heard her emerge from the bathroom, you can imagine my surprise when I turned  to find her wearing a fitted white cotton camisole top and a pair of very brief white  boy shorts. She grinned as she took in my flabbergasted expression, her teeth  pulling her lower lip in between them in that sexy, nervous way that drove me crazy.

"Bella... I... uhh. What are you doing?"

She walked slowly towards me, her eyes tracing over the visible outline of my  chest through my shirt... down my legs then back up my body, her loving gaze  caressing my face as she stepped into my very welcoming embrace.

"I need this, Edward. I need to put everything from the past into the past, so we  can move on with our future. I love you." She tilted my chin down to gaze deep into  my eyes.

"Promise me, Edward. Promise me that I can trust you again?" 

The pleading in  her voice pained me, but if she needed to hear the words to help her heal and be  whole again, then I would promise her anything.

"Always, my love. I swear to you, I will never hurt you again."

My voice shook with the emotion behind my words, and she gave me a small smile  as her hand caressed my hair.

"Good," she said softly, as she moved her hands to the hem of her top and lifted it  smoothly over her head, leaving her standing gloriously before me in just her  panties.

"Now please, take me and make me yours again. I can't bear to be apart from you  any longer."

* * *


	17. Intimacy

**Intimacy**

**_Edward_ **

My body froze at the sight of her, almost naked before me. I hitched in an  unnecessary breath, a thousand thoughts flitting through my brain in that moment,  but one thought stood out from the rest, and it was one of disbelief.

_ She wants me. _

I watched her wordlessly as she wrung the cotton top nervously between her  hands before dropping it to the ground. I stood, staring spastically, as her chest  heaved with her nervous breaths before she stepped closer to me, and gently guided  one of my hands to her bare breast. I gasped in shock, and finally looked up from  her hypnotizing body to meet her shining brown eyes.

"Bella, Love. We don't need to rush this..."

She smiled. "After what we've been through, do you really think it's possible for us  to go back to holding hands?"

I smiled sadly, immediately understanding her point. Her voice dropped a little,  growing husky as she arched herself into the pressure of my fingers.

"How long has it been, Edward? How long since we were intimate with each  other?"

I didn't need to hesitate - the answer to that was something that updated itself  automatically in my brain every day. I remembered with graphic detail the last time  I had touched her, the last time we had kissed, the last time we had made love on  the island.

"One hundred and fifty three days..."

She smiled sadly and nodded, clearly both a little amused and a little distressed  that I had kept track of the numbers.

"I don't really want to get to One hundred and fifty four... Do you?"

_**Bella** _

The shimmering molten gold desire in Edward's eyes was all the answer I needed.  His long, pale cold fingers moved against my skin in gentle reverence... ghosting  across my breast then down, brushing my ribcage as he wound his arm around me  and pulled my body against his, claiming my lips in what was possible the sweetest,  most tender kiss we had ever shared. His lips lingered against mine, brushing  against them again and again, his tongue dancing and tangling with mine between  our open mouths. I sighed, then smiled a little as I heard him deliberately inhale my  expelled breath, enjoying the taste of it.

I pushed his jacket off his shoulders, letting it join my top on the ground... but  when I started to work at his shirt buttons he stilled my hands, and shot a tentative  glance over towards the crib by the bed.

"I should move her into the nursery, Love. I'll still hear her if she wakes. And I  need to get something."

I nodded, then watched as he sped to the bassinet, lifting the whole thing easily - baby and all -  and carried it out of the room. Two seconds later he was back, and resumed his  position in front of me, his beautiful crooked grin shining down at me.

"What did you need to get?"

He raised a hand to cup my cheek, and I automatically pressed into his caress,  happily accepting the sweet kisses that he rained across down my forehead, my  eyelids, my nose, before brushing lightly against my lips. I sighed, and had all but  forgotten my question by the time he replied.

"Just something to protect you, my love."

At my confused look, he pulled a small, foil square packet out of his pocket. I  arched an eyebrow at him.

"Will that work? I mean, won't the venom just eat straight through it?"

He shook his head. "Apparently not. Rose makes Emmett use one when she  doesn't want to deal with the mess."

I blushed deep red, bowing my head a little in embarrassment, before I met his  gaze again with narrowed eyes.

"Did you talk to Emmett about this?"

I was surprised that my voice sounded hurt, then I realized I wasn't feeling hurt...  I was pissed. How dare he assume that this would happen just because we had some  time alone? Did he think I was that easy? 

He laughed softly, stroking my cheek.

"No love. I've heard him complaining about it in his head. Honestly, it was  information I didn't think I would ever need to use. I never dreamed that you would  take me back. I still can't believe that you have forgiven me."

I stopped then, and took a step back, my hand firmly on his chest.

"No Edward... I haven't."

He hung his head in shame, but not before I caught the very confused and hurt  look on his beautiful face.

"You misunderstand me; Edward... let me make this entirely clear to you." 

I  stepped forward, reaching out to him, and led him by his hand to the bed. I suddenly  felt self conscious being practically naked for this discussion... but I needed him to  understand this before we could move on.

"I understand your reasons, Edward. I know why you took her out of me. In spite of everything that happened I still  love you... I have a feeling that I always will, but I want you to understand that I  can't and I won't ever forgive you for killing her, or for betraying me. This isn't  forgiveness Edward, but I don't want to think of it as weakness either - it's a second  chance. If you can prove that you have changed and that you are willing to try again,  then I am too. You own my heart. For a long time, I thought my heart had died when  she did, but apparently, it's still there - Rosalice has proven that - and it still  belongs to you."

With those words his arms came around me in a desperate embrace, his cheek  pressed firmly against my left breast... and I knew he was listening to my heart beat.

"I don't deserve you, Bella."

I pressed my tear streaked cheek against his hair, knowing that he could feel, and  possibly smell, my tears, but I didn't care.

"Well you're stuck with me... for now, anyway."

His arm snaked around my waist and lifted me easily against him, as he pushed us  up the bed so that my head was resting on the pillow, and he was on one elbow  leaning above me as he looked deep into my eyes.

"I told you, we will find a way, Love. I have changed, and I promise I won't ever let  any harm come to you or Rosie... but I can't ever lose you again. We will find a way  for this to work."

The sincerity and determination in his eyes was obvious, but it was still  overshadowed by the deep love for me that swam in their golden depths. I was  mesmerized by his proximity... his words, his love, his scent... and I suddenly  couldn't remember what we had even been talking about.

He saw, or possibly felt, my shift in mood, and pushed himself back a little as my  hands fluttered to his shirt, quickly undoing the buttons, and pushing the offending  material back off his arms, freeing his perfect body before they moved to the button  on his pants, desperate to have his bare skin against mine.

His fingers gracefully played my body like his piano, starting slowly, exploring all  my delicate places intimately, making me moan his name and sigh with pleasure.  Soon his mouth joined in, carefully drawing my skin between his lips, lavishing  attention on my nipples, and down my ribcage... but he stopped when he got to the  ugly thin red scar across my belly. He touched it with his finger, making my breath  quicken with emotion as I suddenly found myself fighting to hold back my tears,  then he pressed a kiss against it. He lifted his head to meet my eyes, self hatred  plastered all over his face.

"I'm so sorry."

I could see it there, in his eyes; in his soul. He would never hurt me again... no  matter what.

"I'm sorry too, Edward."

I couldn't bear it any more. I needed him inside me. I needed him to erase this  pain. I gripped him by his upper arms and pulled his body up against mine,  capturing his lips with all the passion, love and hurt that I had in me. I fumbled  under the pillow for the silver packet, but he had already beaten me to it, without  even breaking our desperate kiss.

_**Edward** _

I could smell the overpowering scent of her increasing arousal between her legs...  and for me; it was even more intoxicating than that of her blood... because this was  for me. I was allowed to cause it, I was allowed to have it... and it was all mine. The  thought of that... combined with the scent of her was making my venom flood my  mouth in expectation.

I quickly shed my last item of clothing, my fingers fumbling for the first time ever  with the strange little alien device that would protect my love from another tragic  pregnancy... it felt like it was too thin to be at all effective... but I knew from the  dozens of times I had taken sex education in high school that these things worked. If  I didn't have complete faith in that, there is no way I would have risked this ever  again. For as much as I longed to be reunited with my Bella... as much as I yearned  for the feel of her soft, warm and wet, surrounding me... I would not risk her life  again. I would never, ever again allow myself to impregnate her.

Her soft hands interrupted my own as she took over, smoothing the condom down  my shaft with her delicate fingers, and I growled deep in my throat at the  overwhelming pleasure I got just from her fingers touching me there.  I leaned down, pressing another soft kiss to her belly as I hooked my thumbs over  the sides of her panties, sliding them gently down her legs and marvelling again at  the beauty and perfection of her as she lay unashamedly naked before me, her legs  slightly bent and parted in invitation.

My erection grew impossibly harder at the sight of her wet, warm pink folds,  glistening with the dew of her arousal, and I carefully leaned into her, putting my  pressure on my elbows and ensuring my teeth were well covered by my lips as I  drew my tongue in a long, deep lick, right up the length of her sex.

I was instantly heady with the sensation... the taste of her sweet nectar... and  while I could quite happily have sipped the juices from her body for the rest of my  existence, I sensed that she needed more than just an orgasm... I could hopefully  explore my new culinary interest in her flavour another time.

I moved up her body, sliding my skin against hers, listening to her moans of  gratification as I traced tiny circles around her tingling clitoris with my fingertip,  spreading her moisture fully before I would enter her. She gripped my torso with  both hands, attempting to support me above her, her eyes needy and desperate, and  I wouldn't deny her any longer. I slid my body against her, supporting myself on my  knees as I marvelled at the sight of her laying there, spread before me... her skin  pebbling, her nipples tight and hard, and I couldn't help but groan in relief as I  slowly, and so tenderly slid just the tip of myself inside her.

_**Bella** _

I tried so hard to lie still as he began to enter me, but I knew my control wouldn't  last very long. I gasped as I felt him advance just another inch and bit my bottom  lips at the feel of his thick, hard erection parting my folds so deliciously. God it felt  so good to have this with him again.

I looked up into his eyes... they were hooded in intense concentration, but when  he felt mine on him he seemed to snap out of his trance, and he met my gaze and  smiled, that sweet, beautiful crooked smile that I loved... before his lips met mine in  a gentle kiss.

I slid my thighs open a little bit wider beneath him, trying to encourage him  without words to just sink into me. But I knew my Edward, he would sooner die than  risk hurting me... what I don't think he realized was that I was about to die from  anticipation. I loved him, and I wanted to make love to him... but not an inch at a  time. I needed more.

When I anchored my legs around the back of his thighs, Edward gave me a bit of a  strange look, but I don't think he knew what to do. Yet another thing that I had  always loved about him was his innocence.

"Flip us over, Edward. I want to be on top."

I almost laughed when his eyes practically bulged out of his head at my request,  but he did as I asked, carefully rolling us so that his back was on the bed and I was  hovering above him... his hands securely holding my hips to keep me up above him,  his tip still only barely inside me.

Sitting down, straddling him, he took my mouth again while his fingers worked  their way slowly up my ribcage, cupping my breasts in his gentle hands before he  lowered his mouth and sucked my dark nipples, first one and then the other. I threw  my head back, thrusting my breasts upwards towards his face as I reached down  and took his hands off my body, entwining our fingers and holding his gaze as I  placed my knees beside his hips, and slowly but completely lowered my body down  on top of his... surrounding him completely.

"Holy shit Bella..." he cried out in surprise; our reversed position allowed us to go  deeper than we ever had on our honeymoon.

I started to move against him, loving the way we fit together, as if he was made  for me, and I for him. I remembered the first time I had ever seen all of him, and the  panic I'd felt, thinking that he was too big for me. I'd imagined that that part of him  inside me would hurt like hell; I had no concept of how much I would grow to crave  the pleasure he could bring me with his lovemaking. I could feel him deep, deep  inside me, his tip pressing against my limit, and I hissed in sudden pleasure of being  so fully filled by him.

_ 'My husband.' _

I smiled at the delight that thought gave me. He  was mine again... and I was his.

I began to rock back and forth... slowly at first, enjoying each movement and each  flick of the tip of his shaft against my cervix, but as I felt my pleasure growing I  couldn't help but increase the pace. Edward sat up, leaning back against the  headboard, and raised his knees a little so I was sitting in his lap, my legs crossed  around his back as he caressed my skin and my hair, placing wet, gentle kisses all  over my shoulders and neck.

I rode him slowly, loving the way he filled me completely, then rising up until he  was almost out and carefully lowering myself along the length of him, again and  again. We made love slowly and deliberately, enjoying being joined together, kissing  and caressing each other. He was inside me for what felt like hours, I didn't care, I  never grew tired of him, or he of me.

My mind swam in the headiness of how right this felt... being entangled with this  man in this most intimate of lover's embraces, but I didn't feel the need to attempt  to rush towards my climax. I just wanted to enjoy the feeling of him inside me for as  long as I could. We moved together; our breaths mingled, our hands touching and  caressing every available inch of skin - leaving no part of our bodies unsatisfied, and  eventually the spasms and tingles that he continually sent through my entire being  spiralled down... following my pulsing veins and the instructions of every tingling  nerve ending in my body and sent its energy towards that tight, hard little bud at my  core that my lover kept rubbing against with every forward thrust. I cried out as I  felt my pleasure shooting through me, and I could feel my muscles clenching tightly  around his thick, glorious shaft as my orgasm hit me like a truck. My whole body  quivering with the intensity of it and I cried out his name at the exact moment that  his body stiffened, and he joined me in the ecstasy of our release as he finally came  inside me, into the protective sheath of the condom. I rested my head on his  shoulder, exhausted, as he lay back on the bed, bringing me to lie down with him.

We lay together, both not wanting to be the one to separate our bodies. I didn't  even realize straight away that I was crying... not until I felt his gentle fingers  wiping away my tears, and I looked up into his concerned eyes.

"Did I hurt you?"

I shook my head quickly in response, then pulled his mouth to mine for a deep  kiss... trying to abate my tears with the thrill of having him close again.

"No... I'm ... just... I'm happy... that I've got you back. God, I missed you so much,  Edward. I needed you to comfort me through the pain of losing her, but I wanted too  much to hate you. I was so confused."

"So was I, love. I thought that I would rather have you alive and hating me, than  dead because of what I had put inside you, but I know that it wasn't my choice to  make. I couldn't understand how you could love something that was killing you..." he  hesitated, his eyes ashamed... and hurt. 

"I couldn't understand why you loved her  more than you loved me."

I almost cried out with indignation, pushing off him so I could sit up beside him on  the bed.

"Edward, No... that wasn't it. I didn't love her more than I love you. I loved her - I  wanted her because she was a part of you that we both never dreamed would ever  be possible. I loved that I was able to bear your child, and give you something that  would so obviously make you and your family so happy... if I could just live through  the hard part. You all have given me so much... giving you Renesmee would have  been my way of giving something back.

"If she hadn't been a part of you, I wouldn't have even wanted her. Edward, you  have to know that. I never wanted to be a mother to just any baby... it was only  because she was yours."

He looked at me, still confused, and shook his head slightly, obviously trying to  comprehend my words.

"Well love, if that's true... then what about Rosalice? She's human. She's not part  of me..."

I didn't let him finish. I already knew where he was headed.

"She's not a part of you physically, Love, but she is your salvation. She brought  you back to me. She made me realize what your motives had been all along... she  brought us back together."

I reached down into my bottom drawer, and pulled out the small gift that I'd been  hiding there since the night Edward brought Rosalice into our lives.

"I got some thing for you for Christmas Edward, but after what happened with  Rosalice, I felt stupid every time I thought of giving it to you, because I felt that it no  longer applied."

"Never feel stupid, my love. For you, it's impossible."

I smiled at his interruption and then continued on from where I had been. "I felt it  no longer applied because you seem to have come to the right conclusion all by  yourself... but now I want you to have it so that you will always remember how  strong you are, to have pulled yourself out of that depression."

I held the small box out towards him, and his eyes widened in surprise. His  intrigued smirk graced his lips as he gently opened the black velvet lid to reveal the  thin silver chain, with a small delicate pendant. He picked it up, examining the  charm.

"St Jude?" He cocked his head, questioning my choice.

I replied softly, sliding my hand into his open palm as I spoke.

"He's the patron saint of desperate cases and lost causes. I bought it just after  Jasper and I saw you on Christmas Eve. I thought it might help you recover."

He lifted our joined hands to his lips and kissed each of my knuckles individually  before bringing his other arm around me to lie me back down on the bed.

"Thank you, my Love. You're right... it's perfect."

I smiled happily up at him as he lowered his mouth to my breast, carefully taking  just the tip of my nipple between his lips and sucking on it, making me cry out...  making me shiver.

"But this does leave us with a small problem, you know?"

I shook my head. No, I did not know, nor did I particularly care right now... not if  he was going to continue to do that with his mouth. He slid his body back up against  mine, and I could feel the rigid length of his granite erection pressed against my  thigh. With effort, I peeled my eyes open to meet his cheeky grin.

"I don't have a gift for you... so how will I ever repay you?"

I groaned deep in my chest as his gentle, talented fingers skimmed lightly over the  sensitive skin on the inside of my thighs. My body quivered and my legs  automatically parted a few inches to give him access to where I wanted him to be.

"Hmmm... I can think of a couple of ways."  He let out a small growl as he allowed one of his fingers to dip inside my wetness.  I whimpered in response. 

"Wow, right now I really wish you could read my mind."

He chuckled gently as his mouth again lowered to my breast and I made one final  conscious decision before my brain shut down completely; to just give him free rein.

He was a smart boy... I was sure he could figure it out on his own.

* * *


	18. Dedication

**Dedication**

_**Bella** _

The sun streaming in my bedroom window in a direct line onto my pillow woke  me, but I was too blissed out to be annoyed by it, infact, I awoke feeling more  relaxed than I had in months. I could feel the satiated smile upon my lips as clearly  as I could feel the firm, cool body lying in the bed beside me, and I stretched myself  out like a languid, happy cat, before rolling over to face my husband.

"Good Morning, my sweet, beloved Goddess." His voice, husky but still silken  smooth and velveteen sent tingles throughout my body. I couldn't help but  arch my back, pressing against his hand which was currently rubbing small circles  over my abdomen, making my skin pebble with delight.

"It certainly seems to be." I grinned lazily up at him, his golden eyes shimmering  with love as he slowly lowered his lips to mine, claiming them the way his body and  soul had so thoroughly reclaimed mine last night.

I had lost count of the number of times we had made love. It hadn't been about  counting orgasms - although having said that, I was quite sure we owed Emmett a  rather large box of condoms - but the whole night through I hadn't felt whole unless  he was touching me, or kissing me... or pushing himself deep inside me, and making  me quiver with my relentless need for him. All night long he had whispered his love  for me in sweet, poetic prose; making hushed promises that he would treasure me  forever and worship, love and protect me, and as much as I had thought that it  would never be possible for me to, I was sure that I had fallen in love with him just a little bit  more during the night.

His hand slid gently around my body, effortlessly pulling me closer to him, and I  couldn't help but grin at the feel of the firm length of his instant arousal that I could  clearly feel pressed against my thigh. I slid my hands up his torso, embracing him,  holding him closer, about to pull his body on top of mine...

A happy gurgle floated through the air and instantly stilled us both. I couldn't help  but release a small groan as I recognized Rosalice's cheerful morning chatter, and  as much as I hated being interrupted during my intimate time with Edward, my  maternal instincts immediately kicked in and I sat up, eager to greet my daughter  and see what new wonders she would unleash on me today.

But of course, Edward had beaten me to it. In the second that it took me to sit up,  he was already out of bed and pulling his jeans on, charged with a fervent  enthusiasm that seemed to give him a floating quality as he darted out of the room  to the nursery. Within seconds he was back, our smiling baby in his arms.

I quickly pulled the sheet up around me, and accepted her when Edward passed  her to me, cuddling her tiny body close to my chest. Her rosy red lips seemed to be  in a permanent smile now, and I still couldn't believe just how much of an effect this  tiny little being could have on my heart. It literally swelled in my chest with emotion  whenever I held her.

"Hi baby," I greeted her with soft, nuzzling kisses all over her face.  Edward sat beside us on the bed, smiling softly.

"She's happy this morning. She loves you so much."

I met his eyes... wondering briefly if Edward was saying these things because he  could read them in her mind, or just because they were things that new parents  would normally say to each other? Either way, it didn't really matter to me, I was  just curious.

I laid her gently on the bed, marveling at the perfection of her tiny body, and  quickly changed her wet diaper while Edward warmed up her bottle. I sighed as I  lay myself down beside her, accepting the bottle and curling myself around her as I  watched her feed. I loved this little being so much that it hurt my heart, but I just  couldn't help but wish for more. By rights, I shouldn't have to feed my child from a  bottle.

"You know what I wish, Edward?" I asked softly, a revered whisper that I followed  with a deep, intense look into his eyes.

"I wish I did, my love." I smiled. He could never give me just a simple yes or no.

I glanced back down at the painfully beautiful child beside me, watching her suck  greedily at the bottle, making hungry, slurping noises as she fed.

"I wish I could breastfeed her. It would make me feel like she was more... mine."

He gave me a concerned, intense look. 

"She is yours"

I shook my head. "No, she isn't," I spoke in a small voice. "She belongs to the  family. She is the Cullen's baby, Edward... everyone's. She'll never be just mine. I  feel like I'm not going to be able to form as strong a bond with her because I can't  sustain her the way a mother is supposed to."

I didn't want to cause him any more pain, but I didn't want to hold back about how I felt out of fear of hurting him. We needed to be able to talk about  Renesmee if we were ever going to move on from losing her. Still, my reluctance to  hurt him kept my voice from rising above a whisper.

"I would have been able to feed Renesmee. I would have had that bond with her."

He answered quickly. "No love, you wouldn't. Renesmee had a full set of teeth...  sharp, newborn teeth. It's more likely that she would have bitten you than drank  your breast milk. We don't know if she was venomous. Carlisle never thought to test  her, until it was too late."

With Edward's words, my mind started to whir and spin, and every conversation  about my daughter; every thought that I'd had about how to sustain my pregnancy,  started to come together.

_ Teeth. _

_ Half vampire... half human. _

_ Heart beat. _

_ My body couldn't sustain her. _

But that last wasn't quite true... my body couldn't _continue_ to sustain her... but it  had sustained her for a month. It had nearly killed me, but it was enough to let her  grow, and develop. She had been feeding from my body. She had been thriving on  my blood. The drip that Carlisle had in my arm, the thick, white fluid, it wasn't  what she needed.

_ She needed blood. Why hadn't I figured this out before? _

_**Edward** _

_ "I wish I could breastfeed her. It would make me feel like she was more... mine." _

Bella was having doubts about being a mother. She doubted her ability to do a  good job, and she doubted her ability to form a long and lasting bond with an  adopted child. That was completely understandable. Ridiculous... but  understandable. In the time that I had known Bella, her capacity for love had  astounded me. I knew she could do this.

"She is yours."

Bella shook her head. "No, she isn't," she said in a small voice. "She belongs to the  family. She is the Cullen's baby, Edward... everyone's. She'll never be just mine. I  feel like I'm not going to be able to form as strong a bond with her because I can't  sustain her the way a mother is supposed to."

Dammit. I knew my family were very 'hands on' with Rosalice, but I had never  expected for Bella to be jealous of the attention and affection the rest of my family  gave our daughter.

Her voice was a low whisper, but I heard it, and recognized the pain in it as  clearly as if she had shouted. 

"I would have been able to feed Renesmee. I would  have had that bond with her."

I shook my head vehemently. "No love, you wouldn't. Renesmee had a full set of  teeth... sharp, newborn teeth. It's more likely that she would have bitten you than  drank your breast milk. We don't know if she was venomous. Carlisle never thought  to test her, until it was too late."

She felt inadequate as a mother because she hadn't carried Rosalice; because  she couldn't feed her.

During my time as a medical student I had heard of a drug that could stimulate  the production of breast milk in an adoptive situation or for the commissioning  mother of a surrogate host. I would talk to Carlisle - if Bella wanted to breastfeed  Rosalice, we could make it happen. The words weren't even fully out of her mouth  before I had decided on my course of action... but then I stopped my racing mind to  listen to what else she was saying.

"I never cared much about having kids... you know that. But then, when I found  out that Renesmee was inside me, I was so amazed at how special it was. How much  I loved growing our child inside me. I want to feel that again, Edward. I want to have  another baby. I want to give Rosalice a sister..." her eyes brightened with sudden  joy, "or a brother, with green eyes and bronze hair, like his Daddy."

I nodded slowly. "Sure love, if that's what you want. We'll find a donor who looks  just like me, so that he will really look like my child." I was starting to like the sound  of this. Bella wanted to carry a baby, nourish it inside her, and the thought of  seeing her healthily rounded with a human child warmed my non-beating heart.

Rosalice would be almost a year old by the time she came to term, so that would be  perfect. The outside world need never know the baby wasn't actually mine, and of  course I didn't care. It would be part of Bella - that would make him 'mine' enough  for my liking. Blood didn't matter... neither did the child's sex, but if Bella wanted a  boy, there were ways of making that happen these days too. She could have  whatever she wanted.

I sighed happily as I laid down beside her and Rosalice, gently playing with the  baby's tiny foot as she reached up to grab a handful of my hair. I smiled down at her,  and leaned in to give her a soft kiss on her chubby cheek.

I could feel Bella's eyes burning in to my face, and I turned my head to meet her  confused, but slightly amused gaze.

"Edward, I don't mean that I want to use a donor. I want to have your child. A  child that I won't ever have to take away from this family... even if Rosalice and I do  have to leave. I want to give you and the family a baby, so that it will make it easier  for you to let me and Rosie go."

I honestly couldn't believe what I was hearing. Did Bella seriously believe I would  risk her life again?

"No," I said simply, shaking my head in disbelief, trying to keep my voice from  trembling. "Are you insane? No way, Bella. If you want a baby, we can comb the  world for the perfect human donor, but there is absolutely no way that I will allow  you to risk your life to carry our child again."

Bella flung herself up, off the bed... the half empty bottle laying forgotten next to  the baby as she turned her sudden fury upon me.

"You don't get to make these decisions for me, Edward. That's what fucked us up  in the first place."

I couldn't believe she was yelling at me, swearing at me in front of the baby.

"Love, calm down, please. Think rationally. You nearly died last time... and so did  the baby. What makes you think your body would be strong enough to withstand  another vampire baby, anyway?"

"Because I figured it out, Edward. Renesmee needed blood to grow... so she took  mine. If I could have had transfusions to keep her fed and healthy, my pregnancy  with her wouldn't have taken such a toll on me. I'm sure this will work. I'm willing to  try again; I know that we can do it this time."

She was angry, but I could hear the pleading in her voice. She was sure about  what she was saying. I could handle Bella angry... I could handle Bella scared... but  when she pleaded with me, it tore me in half. It physically pained me to deny her  anything. But really, what choice did I have? I would not do this again. I had nearly  lost her the first time. I couldn't bear to go through all that again.  I shook my head. It was all I could do. I reached out to her, ignoring her half  hearted attempts to push me away as I held her gently to my chest, inhaling the  sweet scent of her hair.

"Bella, Love. Please?" I kissed the top of her head, feeling her arms soften and  slowly wrap around my waist, and she pressed her forehead against my chest. I held  her close, stroking her long, brown hair as it cascaded over her shoulders and down  her back - trying to soothe her, trying to comfort her, trying to get her to see r eason.

"If you want more babies, we can have as many human babies as you want... but  please don't ask me to risk your life. I can't lose you again."

On the bed, Rosalice had begun to whimper. She was wondering why she hadn't  been fed all of her bottle. She could feel it pressed against her arm, and she was  growing increasingly frustrated that she couldn't just pick it up and drink it herself.

Bella was still shaking with her anger, but I could only hope that my words had  gotten through to her. She would come to her senses, and realize that what she  wished for was impossible. She would see reason, given some time to think it over.

"Come, Love. Get some sleep, I've kept you awake most of the night. You need to  rest. I'll tend to Rosalice in the nursery."

Without a word, Bella obediently lay down on the bed and let me tuck the covers  in around her. I quickly drew the curtains tightly closed before I lifted Rosie easily  into my arms, tucking the bottle under my chin so she could drink while I pulled the  door quietly closed behind me. I was still in shock over Bella's sudden fit of rage, but  I hoped that it would pass as quickly as it had come, and that she would quickly  realize just how impossible her wish was. She would have to. There was no way I  would ever back down... not on this.

_**Bella** _

I heard the door close softly behind me, plunging me into the silence and semi  darkness of the room. I was still seething in anger at Edward's presumptions that he  could still make decisions for me. Had he learned absolutely nothing over the past  several months? Or had our one night together made him think that I now belonged  to him again, and had no need for original thought?

In truth, up until a few minutes ago, I had never even considered the possibility of  attempting to carry Edward's child again. Not until I realized about the blood. Of  course it was blood that Renesmee had needed... it was so simple. The child of a  vampire would need blood to survive; I didn't know how none of us had realized it  before.

I loved Rosalice, but when I took her away from this family, it would break them. I  knew that without a doubt. Edward kept promising that we would find a way for us  all to be together for an eternity... but I wasn't quite as optimistic. I refused to risk  Rosalice having to be turned... just because it was something that I had wanted -  well, something I still wanted, if I was being truthful - I would not permit it to  happen to my daughter. She would live out her life as a human... and so would I.

Yes, I still wanted an eternity with Edward, but now that Rosalice was in our lives,  he and I both understood that she would always have to come first... and that would  include her having to have a human parent. If the price of that was my immortality,  then so be it. But, if I was able to give them a vampire child... then Rose and Esme  could have the baby that they had always so desperately wanted... and Edward  would have a piece of me in his life forever. This was the only way that they could  ever raise a child. Of course it would be hard for me to leave him behind when I  moved on with my human life with Rosalice, but I was strong enough... I knew I  could do it for the Cullens. They had given me so much... I could do this one little  thing for them.

My decision made, I quickly jumped up out of bed and flicked the lock on the door.  I knew it wouldn't hold out Edward if he actually knew what I was doing, but it  would deter him if he was just coming to check on me; he would assume I just  wanted privacy.

I quickly walked around the bed and found the pile of tissues on the bedside table.  I fumbled through them with shaking hands and retrieved the condom that Edward  had most recently discarded; a small loose knot tied in the top of it to prevent  accidental spillage. Slightly hindered by my trembling fingers, it still took only  seconds to untie the knot. I could see the milky colored fluid gathered in the bottom  quarter of the condom. It was only about an hour old. This would work, I was sure of  it.

I laid back on the bed and pushed my feet up on the headboard, holding the  condom carefully in my fingers, and lined it up carefully with the opening between  my legs.

A sudden buzzing from beside me made me jump, and I nearly spilled the precious  contents of the condom. It was Edward's phone. He'd left it on the bedside table,  switched to vibrate, so it didn't disturb us during the night. In my shock, I quickly  reached out and grabbed it, not at all surprised when I saw the caller ID.

_ Alice _

No doubt she could see what I was doing... all the way from Paris. I held my  thumb down on the power button and switched the phone off. It was the only phone  in the apartment. I smirked with that knowledge as I tossed it beside me on the  mattress.

Returning to my task, I used my free hand to grab the closed, rounded end of the  condom, and I tipped it deftly inside myself. When it was empty, I reached over and  tucked it back between the tissues. I would dispose of it later. I wanted to stay in  this position for a few minutes, just to let gravity help the little guys out a bit.

I wasn't an idiot. I knew Edward was going to be furious. I knew Alice would  probably never speak to me again... and yeah, I knew that my chances of surviving  another vampire pregnancy weren't fantastic... but they were all risks I was willing  to take. I needed to do this. I wanted so badly to have another baby... Edward's  baby... and I knew my theory about the blood would work. It would have to.

They would all thank me when they had an immortal little baby in their lives... one  that they would never have to say goodbye to. I was sure of it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh Bella, that grief and loss temporary insanity is still affecting you, isn't it?   
> But she sounds pretty sure of her theory, doesn't she? What do you guys think, will this work?   
> Please review, even if it's to throw things at me!   
> Haha. I'll post another chapter tomorrow. :)   
> xx BRL


	19. Impasse

**Impasse**

**_Edward_ **

I fed and bathed Rosalice, then dressed her in a thick, quilted pink onesie that had  a pointed hood and built in booties and mittens, so that she more than slightly  resembled a starfish. Not that I wanted to mock my beautiful daughter, but she was  too young to really understand the amusement I took from seeing her done up in this  embarrassing garb, so I took advantage of the opportunity while I could. In only a  few painfully short years she would be grown; mature and independent.

Before Rosalice, I had never had much experience with children... particularly  babies. Now that I knew her, my understanding and compassion for Esme and  Rose's infatuation with the little creatures was so much clearer to me. I loved her  being this little. I could do everything for her, without complaint or argument, and I  had grown to adore this little person so much more than I ever believed possible.

She was just so tiny... so completely dependent upon me; us. I could completely  understand Bella's yearning for another baby. I could happily have another dozen.

But a vampire baby? I wouldn't even know where to start. We wouldn't know what  to expect... we could never have him or her out in public, for fear of exposure. A  vampire child was unprecedented, as far as I knew, so we had no idea what they  would be capable of... what their thirst and hungers would be like. Whether they  would even be able to pass as human? It was impossible to hope that we could make  it work.

Regardless of the baby though, I was certain that no matter what it turned out to  be, it wouldn't be worth the cost of Bella's life. I would respect her decisions, I  would stand by her no matter what, but I couldn't lose her again.

What I didn't get though, was how Bella could even consider risking herself, when  she had Rosalice to consider. She had to know it was a long shot that she could even  carry our baby again, let alone survive through the pregnancy and remain human.

And if she did have to be turned... what then? That would leave Rosalice the only  human in our family. Bella had agreed to stay human when she took on the  responsibility of being Rosie's mother. Was she really going to renege on that now?  I had my own plans. It pained me to think of leaving my family, but if I had to  choose between them, and Bella and Rosalice, I knew what choice I would make. I  could stay with them... posing as a younger relative... and we could just do as  Carlisle had always had us do; move every few years to avoid questions about  my eternal youthfulness. 

Rosalice could be taught to refer to me as an 'uncle,' and  maybe, eventually, as she and Bella aged more, a sibling. Bella wouldn't like  posing as my mother, but it would enable us to remain together... and in the end, I  was hoping that would be enough for her. I hadn't told her about that plan yet  though... I sensed that she wouldn't be completely thrilled.

Bella wouldn't accept that I would find a way for us to remain a family. I knew  what Esme had said, but it didn't have to be that way. We could keep her hidden  from the world until she was old enough to understand our secret. We could protect  her from the Volturi...hide her with Bella. Esme could home school her, at least  during her Elementary school years. She would never betray us and we could always  be there to protect her. We could make it work.

After her bath, Rosalice informed me with her thoughts that she was ready to go  back to bed, but I just couldn't quite bring myself to put her back in the crib. So  instead, I sat in the rocking chair, pulling my feet up underneath me, Indian style,  and loosely nursed my little girl in my lap as I sang to her and rocked us both gently  until she fell asleep. She had such peaceful thoughts - pleasant images swimming in  her head of all the smiling, loving faces that made up her life. She loved us. All of us. 

The knowledge of that made my cold heart swell with love and life and hope, and I prayed in that moment that Bella would consider the option of the donor sperm, and would decide to bless our family with more children. As perfect as she was, one baby just wasn't enough.

_**Bella** _

When Edward returned to me, I silently accepted his embrace and helped him  wrap his arms fully around me, lying behind me on the bed, being my big spoon. I  had disposed of the tissues and unlocked the door earlier, but as hard as I tried, I  couldn't actually manage to fall asleep. My mind was racing and whirring so fast I  was feeling a little dizzy and I could feel nervous butterflies fluttering in my chest as  I tried to imagine how the conversation would go if I were to attempt to explain to  Edward what I had just done. Not that I regretted it... No, not for a second... but I  was nervous.

Alice knew what I had done. Of course she would be furious with me... but I  longed to ask her if she could see anything of my future now that I had Edward's  seed inside me. Just that thought - the thrill of possibly being pregnant with  Edward's child again - made the butterflies flap even harder. I knew I only had a day  \- tops - before Alice and the rest of the family returned home, and then Edward  would know everything. As much as I feared his reaction... I would rather the news  come from me than his sister.

I focussed my thoughts. 

_ Alice, my decision is that I will tell him by the end of the  weekend.  _

I wasn't sure if that would work, but if our sister had been waiting for my  decision she should pick up on it. Eventually Edward would realize I had switched  his phone off and when he turned it back on I didn't want it to be to a plethora of  angry messages. I had to tell him soon anyway... I'd started showing a definite bump  two weeks after conceiving Renesmee... and as my body was still thinner than it had  been due to my period of mourning, it wouldn't be something I could hide for long  anyway. 

But I didn't want to rush into telling him. I wanted to do it gently. It would  hurt him immeasurably to learn I had betrayed him, but it would be all worth it in  the end. I was sure of that.

Maybe we could go away? Just Edward, Rosie and I... just for a few days, to allow  me more time to figure out how I was going to tell him. Charlie had been harassing  me since Christmas to bring his new granddaughter down to Forks to meet him. We  could hop a flight to Seattle this afternoon and be in Forks before sunset.

Truth was, I had been avoiding going back there. Since the day I lost Renesmee  and Jacob, the idea of returning 'home' chilled me to the bone. I knew I needed to  pay a visit to Billy Black; if for no other reason that to pass on my condolences, but  the fear that he would blame me for Jake's death had kept me from even doing that  over the phone. I was a coward and it shamed me deeply.

But if the thought of facing Billy scared me, it was nothing compared to the deep  seated terror that filled me at the idea of seeing my infant daughters' grave. I had  come a long way in my healing, but facing her - the one completely innocent victim  in all this - would be nothing short of excruciating. I ran my hand tenderly over my  flat, bare stomach wondering if her brother or sister had taken root in there yet. I  couldn't help but smile. I would make it work this time around.

_ You hear that, little one? I will be strong enough for you. I promise. _

**_Edward_ **

Her rage from this morning seemed to have totally dissipated when Bella turned  in my arms to put forth the suggestion that we take off to Forks for the weekend. I  hesitated only briefly. Of course Bella didn't know about my family's banishment  from that part of the state of Washington due to Jake's death and the breaking of the  treaty, but there was no way I was going to let her wander into that part of the  world with our new daughter, unprotected. I wouldn't cross the old treaty lines... I  would strictly limit my activities to Bella's fathers' house and my old home, and I  honestly didn't perceive that we would encounter a problem from the wolves. 

I had  offered myself in penance and they had refused... they couldn't touch me now.

We landed in Seattle just before 4pm and hired a car. It amused me that Bella still  couldn't sit calmly in the car with me driving. Didn't she know that if by driving fast  I would endanger her and our girl, then I wouldn't do it? Even after everything, she  still doubted my senses and abilities. I grinned sideways at the sight of her hanging  on to the prayer handles above the window to steady herself as I weaved between  the traffic, but lightened my pressure on the pedal a little. I didn't want to scare  her, no matter how unfounded her fears were.

We had settled our angel into a cushy infant seat in the middle of the backseat of  the late model Mercedes, chosen purely for its dark tinting. If it wasn't sunny out, I  would have chosen something sporty... something fast. I was happy - _really_ happy -  for the first time in months, and I could see no reason to try to hide it. I had my  girls; my beloved Bella and my angel Rosalice. I had my family. I had my life back.

Nothing was going to stand in my way of making their lives perfect.

I hadn't forgotten our disagreement from this morning though, and I could see by  the tension in her shoulders, and the tentative way she carried herself that Bella  hadn't either. We would need to discuss our options for extending our family further  and this weekend could provide the perfect opportunity to do it. I only hoped that I  could get her to see reason, and accept that a human child was our only option.

Once free of the city, Bella and Rosalice both allowed themselves to be lulled into  sleep by the rocking of the car and the soft humming of the engine. I pressed my  foot down again, flying along the highway. The exhilaration of the speed coursing  through me like adrenaline. All too soon the familiar outskirts of the Olympic  Peninsula appeared through the windshield. I couldn't help but feel a tiny bit  apprehensive about this homecoming... for the sole reason of what effect it would  have; what it would mean for Bella and I as we continued to reconnect with each  other. Neither of us had mentioned visiting Renesmee's grave, but I think we both  knew that it was necessary. 

Only time would tell.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, I promised I would post this yesterday and I got distracted and forgot, so here, have 2 now instead! This chapter is kind of a bit of a filler chapter anyway. 
> 
> xx BRL
> 
> PS: For those of you who are waiting for the next chapter of While The Doctors Away, it's coming! (pardon the pun). Real life keeps getting in the way, and I'm still writing it, so hopefully it will be ready by next weekend. :)


	20. Unexpected

**Unexpected**

_**Bella** _

I wasn't sure what I had been expecting, but it certainly wasn't this melancholic  sadness that overpowered me, rendering me speechless as Edward drove  uncharacteristically slowly through the darkening streets of our home town.  Rosalice slept on, her rosebud lips relaxed into a natural pout that revealed the  beauty she would one day grow to be... and I couldn't wait to see the look on  Charlie's face when we introduced them.

When Charlie had learned, about a week ago, that I was a mom, he had immediately threatened to disembowel Edward and then hung up before I even had a chance to explain. Alice could see that he had been wrestling with the decision of whether or not to fly to Juneau to confront us, but thankfully he had decided against it. That same night I had called him back, and with much difficulty gotten him to listen to our agreed upon story; that Rosalice was Edward's orphaned niece, and that we would be raising her.

He was tentative at first... he even went as far as suggesting that Esme and  Carlisle should have taken on the responsibility of the baby, but with a determined,  protective growl, I informed him in no uncertain terms that she was mine, and I  wouldn't be giving her up... which he had seemed to somewhat reluctantly accept at  the time, but I was quite sure the subject would come up again during our  impromptu visit.

Edward pulled up in front of the house, and before I had even gotten out of the car  I could hear the television, blaring out the commentary for some type of sports game  \- I couldn't tell which - at top volume... making me wonder if he had even heard the  car pull up. Apparently, he hadn't. I felt a moment of apprehension as I stood on my  father's doorstep; my husband beside me, my sleeping child in his arms, and pressed  the doorbell.

_ Should I just walk in? It is kind of still my home... _

I didn't ponder the question for long. Within seconds, Charlie's face peered  through the window beside the door, and his eyes boggled at the sight of us  standing there. He flung the door open and swooped me into a warm hug... which I  found a little strange for my usually standoffish father. He must have missed me.

"Bells! What an unexpected surprise... why didn't you call to say you were  coming?"

He held me, still on the doorstep at arms length, a thrilled but bewildered look on  his face, but didn't really give me a chance to respond before flinging the door wide  open.

"Come in, come in." He beckoned to me and Edward, gesturing for us to enter the  warm house. 

"Ahh, let me meet my granddaughter."

I couldn't believe it. Charlie was beaming as Edward carefully handed the sleeping  child over into his waiting arms; then we both watched him as he began rocking and  cooing softly to her to settle her back into sleep as he resumed his usual position on  the couch and hit the mute button on his game. 

Baseball... I should have known.

We chatted comfortably for a while before Charlie suggested that he cook us  something to eat. I physically blanched at the thought of eating his cooking, quickly  volunteering to do the honours and leaving Edward and Charlie sitting together as  Edward spoke of how she had come into our lives... well, the made up version of the  story anyway.

I listened with half an ear as they tried to converse in a friendly, natural way with  each other, but even from the kitchen I could tell their attempts were a little  awkward... well, Charlies attempts mostly... but it still felt like they were both trying  just a little too hard to be 'normal.' I knew Charlie was hurt that I hadn't made the  effort to come and see him since my wedding and he mostly seemed to blame  Edward for that, but Charlie knew that Edward made me happy, and in the long run,  that's all he really seemed to care about. Still, it meant a lot to me that they were  both making so much effort.

And if anything, it also made me feel even guiltier about the stupid little stunt I  had pulled this morning. Now, more than anything, I wished I could take back my  actions.

I hadn't changed my mind - I still wanted to bear Edward's child - but I shouldn't  have gone about it in the way that I did. I deceived him; stole from him and if I was  pregnant as a result of my actions, I had done this child an injustice by conceiving  him out of spite and anger, rather than out of love, as he should have been created. I  had just acted on a whim... a stupid, impulsive whim... but what killed me most of all  was the realization that I had done to Edward exactly what I had accused him of  doing to me... disregarding his choices and betraying his trust. And now, it couldn't  be undone. I would just have to live with the consequences... and hope with all my  heart that Edward could understand why I had done it.

_**Edward** _

After dinner, Bella and Charlie chatted while they washed up, and I retrieved  Rosie's portable cot and dragged it upstairs to assemble it in Bella's old room.

Nothing had been mentioned yet about sleeping arrangements, but I could hear  Charlie rolling the idea of me sleeping on the couch around in his head, trying to  think of a good enough excuse for it. Bella's bed wasn't big enough, but he didn't  think that one would work... the baby in the room was another option... but either  way, I could hear his hesitation to even brooch the subject with his daughter. We  were married now... where and how we slept was none of his business... and he  knew it. 

I was right... in the end; he didn't even bring it up. He bid Bella and I  goodnight before closing his bedroom door.

Charlie had told us that he had a fishing trip with Billy planned for the morning.  They would be leaving early to go out in the boat, but he would make sure he was  home in time to supply us with fresh fish for dinner. I was only mildly concerned  about Charlie going to see Billy, I felt certain that he would mention our visit, but I  didn't foresee any grievances with the wolves. I wasn't here to start trouble, only to  visit Bella's family. Surely they could understand that.

By the time Bella woke in the morning with a grumbling tummy, Charlie was long  gone. I kissed her forehead, encouraging her to stay in bed while I got her some  breakfast. She protested, as usual, but gave in eventually and agreed to eat her  breakfast in bed after she had made use of the bathroom for her 'human' moments.

"What would you like for breakfast, my love?"

"Ooh, eggs please," she grinned.

I loved that smile. Oh, how I had missed it.

She leaned around the door, surprising me as she whipped the long sleeved tee  over her head, revealing her perfect breasts to me as she prepared for her shower,  and answered me quickly before she shut the door. I'm quite sure she could hear my  growl of arousal even over the running water. I couldn't help myself; we had the  house to ourselves, and I couldn't deny that Bella flashing her naked breasts at me  had given me an instant arousal... breakfast could wait.

After both my girls had been fed, we dressed Rosalice carefully... knowing that we  would be spending some time outside in the freezing January air... and bundled her  into the car to head over to my parent's house. We were both silent... dreading what  awaited us like a low, dark cloud, threatening to burst at any moment. As we pulled  into the long drive Bella reached over and gripped my hand tightly, linking our  fingers... squeezing them for comfort. I felt my dead heart soar that she could find it  in herself to be comforted by me in this situation, considering it was I who had  caused her this pain to begin with.

We pulled up in front of the house and I killed the engine, but we both just sat  there. After a long, long moment she turned to me, her lip pulled nervously between  her teeth, a pained look of foreboding on her beautiful face. We needed more time.

She wasn't ready for this just yet.

"Let's take Rosie inside and get a fire started, hey?"

She nodded, still biting her lip, and separated our fingers so as to get herself out  of the car. By the time she had unclipped her seatbelt I was there waiting with her  door open, my hand offered to help her up. She smiled, a little shocked. I guess my  natural speed was something that would always have the potential to surprise her. I  scooped Rosie out of her seat and cradled her in the crook of one arm, while holding  Bella close to my side with my other. She slipped twice on the icy walk, but I caught  her instantly. I wasn't sure if I was holding her to prevent her from falling, or just to  comfort her. Either way, I guess it didn't really matter, as long as she was by my  side.

I moved quickly through the house removing the dust covers from the furniture in  the downstairs living room before coaxing a warm, crackling fire in the hearth out of  the damp frozen wood that had been stacked outside on the porch. It would smoke  up a little, but that should go straight up the chimney. It was about the best I could  do right now anyway... my girls needed the heat it created more than they needed to  be concerned about the pollution.

I pulled one of the seat cushions off the couch and laid it down on the floor near  the fire for Rosalice to lie on... close enough so she felt the warmth, yet far enough  away to prevent any embers jumping out onto her delicate, soft skin... then placed  her musical glow worm down beside her to sing her a lullaby. She really adored the  thing, it was her favourite toy, and we didn't dare go anywhere without it. Once she  was settled I turned back to face Bella, who looked like she was trying so hard to be  calm and in control of herself.

I closed the distance between us with just a few steps, and took her gently into my  arms, cradling her body loosely against my chest as I kissed her hair. She was trying  to be so brave, but I could clearly see how hard this was for her. My Bella had  always been an open book to me.

She took a deep steadying breath, and pulled back a little to meet my eyes. I could  see her resolve in hers.

"You're ready?"

She just nodded.

Silently, but full of determination, Bella led me through the house and out the  back door, onto the patio and down the stairs. We walked around to the right,  towards the garage until we were within a few metres of Esme's gladiolas. The last  time I had stood here my daughter's grave had been unmarked... it now shone in the  pale January frost. 

Someone, most probably Alice, had placed a heart shaped ring of  tiny white pebbles on the ground above her resting place, and within it, in the same  tiny stones, had written:

**Renesmee Carlie Cullen**

**Forever in our hearts**

I was honestly shocked. I hadn't expected this. With Carlisle's fear of our  daughters' body being discovered and examined, I had presumed our daughter's  grave was destined to remain unmarked forever. Alice must have been pretty sure  that no one would ever come looking for her to have done this. She was taking a big  risk with our secret, but I couldn't help but love her just that little bit more for it.

This was done for Bella, because Alice knew that she would one day come back to  see Renesmee, and gifting the child with a small plaque in memorial was the least  that she could do to help ease Bella's pain. I'd never been more proud or thankful to  have Alice as a sister than in that moment.

I watched my beloved sink to her knees on the cold, hard ground... her silent tears  streaming from her face as she gently traced her fingers over the outline of the  frozen pebbles... tracing the letters of our baby's name.

I felt awkward. Would Bella want me to comfort her here, now? Or would she  rather I just left her alone?

Deciding to go with my gut instinct, I knelt down behind her and gently encased  her sobbing body in my embrace, holding her as she cried; grieving for our loss. I  truly hated myself in that moment for doing this to her... for being the cause of this  pain. I should have been more careful from the start... if Renesmee had never been  created, Bella would never have had to feel this loss.

Even with my extra sensitive hearing, I am not sure I would have heard Bella's  soft words if I had not felt them gently vibrating through her thin body first.

"Edward, I have something I need to tell you..." she spoke shyly. I wondered  instantly what Bella could possibly be ashamed of, that she would fear telling me.  She knew she could tell me anything.

Suddenly the silence was broken by a long, low howl... far off, yet approaching  fast. I listened more carefully, and could easily make out the footfalls of the running  pack. Lots of them. They were coming here.

"Get inside Bella, NOW, and stay with Rosie. No matter what happens, do not  come back outside." She stood beside me, gaping, confused, and unmoving. 

"Now  Bella... go. GO!"

With one last frightened, concerned glance at me, she turned and ran inside to be  with our daughter. I could hear the pack's mind now, they were almost here... and  they were angry. I moved quickly to the front of the house to intercept them. I could  hear their approach from the north. As they came into view, I raised my hands in the  air to show them that I meant them no harm, but from the anger I could feel in their  pack mind, I wasn't sure if even that would stop them from an instant attack. I was  strong... I could easily fight off one or even two of them, but the pack was ten  strong. I had no chance.

I could see Sam in the lead, flanked by Paul. I made out the figures of Embry,  Leah, Quil... and Seth... the hurt and betrayal emanating off the young grey wolf had  him humming like a tuning fork. He was wondering why I had come back... saying  that I had ruined everything... warning me that I was about to die.

I couldn't work out why I hadn't seen this coming.

The growls and snarls from the pack got more fierce as I remained silent... my  mind whirring too much to coherently form a reply... not that anything I could say  would change their minds about this, they were already certain of my fate. They had  told me to stay away, or we would all die. By returning to Forks this weekend, not  only had I endangered my wife and child, but I had effectively sentenced the rest of  my family to death as well. How could I have been so stupid?

Behind me, I heard the front door open, then I smelled Bella and heard her soft  footfalls on the timber decking of the porch. I saw a few of the wolves' heads lift to  see her, and I registered the surprise in their faces and minds as they saw she was  holding a baby.

I growled viciously, more viciously than I had ever directed at her before. "Get  back inside Bella... NOW!"

Her footsteps kept coming. She wasn't listening to me. She was at the top of the  stairs now, Rosalice awake and squirming in her arms. Rosie seemed to have better  senses of self preservation than Bella... even she could feel the tension of this  confrontation... but Bella kept on walking.

"BELLA... GET THE BABY BACK INSIDE NOW. DO YOU WANT HER TO BE  KILLED?"

At my words she seemed to finally come to her senses, and froze, three steps from  the top. I heard the protest run through the minds of the pack... they wouldn't hurt  Bella or the baby, which I took great relief in, but I didn't want her to stand there  and watch while they tore me apart either.

"Please, Bella?"

She ignored me.

"Sam..." she spoke slowly and clearly. "I wanted to tell you, and all of the  Quileute's how sorry I am for taking Jacob from you. It was completely my fault that  he was killed, and I've been too much of a coward to admit it. Please, don't punish  Edward for my mistake."

Sam shook his head and thought his reply back at me. I was glad that he had  enough respect to acknowledge Bella, and not continue with their rightful  vengeance in front of her.

"Bella, Sam says he is not here to punish me for Jacob's death. They are here  because we broke the Treaty, and I swore that we would never come back to  Washington. Now that I have returned, and broken my word, they have every right  to claim the lives of all the Cullen family, starting with me."

"No," she said simply, but her voice was tight with emotion. 

"They can't. You only came here to accompany me and  Rosie, not to cause troubles with the wolves. They can't punish you for that."

I spoke quietly, drawing her to my side for what may possibly be the final time  ever. 

"Yes, they can, Love. I didn't think this would happen, obviously, but they're  right. I broke the rules. They are entitled to their retribution."

"I love you. Now please, Love, don't argue. Take Rosie and go back to your  father's." 

I implored Sam with a pleading look as I gently took my child from Bella's  arms and cuddled her softly, nuzzling my face into her warmth. God, I loved them  both so much. I didn't want it to end like this.  With Rosie still pressed against my shoulder I turned my back on Sam and took my Bella  into my arms. Her tears were pouring freely down her face now, her fingers clinging to my  clothes. She shook her head repeatedly, her eyes wild with grief and tears and guilt  and sorrow.

"I am so sorry, my love. For everything. Just know that I will love you both  forever."

Rosalice shifted again in my arms, pulling her face back off my shoulder... and in  that instant, everything changed. The growling stopped, to be replaced by a sudden  awed silence... and shock wavered through every single mind in the pack. It was  bewildering to me. I couldn't quite understand what was happening. I released Bella and turned back around to face the pack.

Seth... their thoughts were all on Seth. 

_Her eyes._

'Her eyes?' I asked softly.

Then I heard it in Seth's mind myself and my rage tore through me like wildfire.

His life had just changed - his entire world had just changed as he had met and held  the bright green gaze of my tiny daughter.

"NOOO," I roared, pulling my lips back, exposing the deadly ferocity of my teeth.  "You can't have her."

The pack's mind wasn't so cohesive now. 

Seth's thoughts were thrilled, focused  on his new love... his imprint... a nd smug... he was elated that he wouldn't have to kill  me, after all. 

The rest of the pack were disappointed, unsure, questioning what this  would mean.

Sam was furious, though his thoughts were crystal clear. He would honor the  protective clause that covered an imprints family. I heard his mind clearly over all  the dissention in his ranks. 

_ 'This changes everything, Cullen. We need to talk.' _

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, I went there. I have to admit, I didn't like Steph Meyers idea of imprinting on little kids either, but it's canon, and it serves my purposes nicely, and come on, we all love Seth. He's a sweetie. I like the idea of him eventually becoming an honorary Cullen.
> 
> When I first posted this story 12 years ago, I remember receiving so much negative feedback about this chapter that I thought I should just address this now, rather than trying to respond to angry PM's and reviews. This story is already completed and I'm very proud of the way it turned out, so I won't be changing anything now. 
> 
> Thanks for reading. Please review. 10 more chapters to go until the end. 
> 
> xx BRL


	21. Confrontation

**Confrontation**

_**Edward** _

We had agreed to meet deep in the forest behind Bella's house at Midnight to  discuss what Seth's imprint would now mean to our family, to the pack, and if this  necessitated a resurrection of the treaty. Sam said he needed to speak to the tribal  elders before he could make any decisions... and I was still reeling in shock, relief,  wonder... and more than a little disgust that anyone could fall in love with a baby. It  had just happened so fast. One minute I was preparing myself for death, the next,  my infant daughter was betrothed to a werewolf. It was all too surreal.

After the pack left - Seth somewhat reluctantly - Bella and I had taken our angel  back inside the warmth of the house to attempt to properly absorb what had just  happened. It wasn't until after I laid the baby back on her makeshift mattress that I  realized Bella was trembling. I immediately went to her, pulling her tightly into my  arms as she buried her face into my chest.

"Sshhh, Love... it's over now. It's okay."

She pushed me back in a sudden fit of anger, her tremors still wracking her body  and voice.

"No Edward. It's not okay, and it's not over. Holy crow, why the hell didn't you tell  me you weren't allowed to come back to Forks? Don't you think that's something  that you should have shared with me? I mean, what in the Hell just happened out  there? They were going to kill you!"

"I know, Love. I'm so sorry. I didn't think it would come to that. I guess I underestimated their  anger toward us for what we did to Jake. I didn't realise they would react so  violently. Jake's death was an accident, not a deliberate attack."

She put a hand on my chest, offering me more comfort than I felt I deserved, but  her brown eyes soothed my soul as she pressed her body against mine. "Think about  it Edward... accident or not, if it had been Rose who had died...?" She let her sentence  just hang there, but I immediately understood her point. I wouldn't ever have  forgiven the wolves for taking a member of my family... no matter the reason. I  should have thought this through. In fact, I couldn't understand my own stupidity.

Why hadn't I thought it through better? Was I so mentally incapacitated by my  refound relationship with my Love that it had impaired my ability to make rational  decisions?

"Why did they stop so suddenly, and what do we have to discuss at midnight, and  what did Seth do to Rosalice? I don't understand any of this."

Her body suddenly slumped against mine... momentarilly overwhelmed, but I didn't let her fall.  I caught her safely in my embrace and moved quickly to lay her on the couch.  I smoothed her hair back from her face with my hand as I knelt beside her, trying  to calm her nerves, and her heart. I knew Bella understood the concept of  'imprinting'... she had explained it to me after she had met Sam's beloved Emily. She  was only confused because the entire conversation had gone on in our heads. All  Bella knew was that I had been about to die, then Seth saw Rosie and everything  changed. It must have been very confusing for her.

"He imprinted on her, Love. I can see his thoughts about her, and he only wants to  adore and protect her, there's nothing sexual there... I promise you... or I would  have torn his head off." I paced away from her, tearing my fingers through my hair  in frustration, my rage at myself managing to escape my tight control. 

"Why the hell  did I come back here? I knew they didn't want me back in Forks, but I wouldn't  leave you and Rosie unprotected. I didn't mean them any harm. And why hasn't Alice  called me about all this? A warning would have been nice."

Bella answered quickly, "She can't see the wolves..." But I didn't care, I was  angry... mostly at myself... and I needed to hear whatever reassurance my psychic  sister could give me at that point. I flicked my phone out of my pocket and into my  hand, flipping it open with my thumb. Bella still looked terrified, and she stepped  towards me as I started dialling my sister's number. She was still shaking from the  whole ordeal. I internally cursed myself for putting her through more grief, and  pulled her against my side, holding her close to comfort her. She seemed to be  holding her breath.

Bella didn't seem to relax until I hung up a few minutes later. I had asked her if  she wanted to speak to Alice, but she had just bitten her lip and shook her head.

Alice asked me to tell her that she would call her at the end of the weekend. Bella  looked grim. I wondered briefly what that was all about... were they fighting? I  would ask her about it later. Rosalice took precedence right now.

I explained to Bella what Alice had said to me about the imprinting. No, she had  not seen it coming, but she could see now that Seth was going to be a part of the  baby's life, and that confused her. She didn't know why she could suddenly see a  wolf, but Rosalice's future was suddenly clear for the next several decades... with  Seth by her side. I honestly didn't know whether to laugh or cry. Seth had long since  been my favourite of the Quileute's, but I still didn't know if I was ready to welcome  him into my family as my son in law... especially considering that my child was still  in diapers.

Bella went and sat on the floor beside our now sleeping baby... stroking her arm  gently with one finger to keep herself grounded while her mind floated away. I  moved swiftly, and sat myself behind her, pulling her smoothly back into my  embrace... resting her head on my chest. She looked up at me with concern and fear  glistening in her wet eyes, and shook her head sadly.

"Edward. What are we going to do? If we let this happen, then she will be allowed  to know all about the supernatural world. She will understand that her family are  vampires, and that her husband is a wolf. Do we really want this for her?"

I couldn't truthfully answer her in that second. My mind was whirring with the  possibilities... some bad... but more good. If Rosalice was allowed to know what we  were without fear of the Volturi, then she could be with Seth, and they would never  have to leave us. Bella could stay with me and my family... potentially for the rest of  eternity.

"Seth's a good kid, Love. I think we should just see what happens... I don't know if  we really have a choice."

_**Bella** _

I pulled the darkened Mercedes up in front of my father's house and stepped out  of the car, then nearly jumped out of my skin to see a gangly boy already leaning  across the backseat to lift my daughter out of her chair. I sighed my relief as I  recognised Seth.

"Oh my... Seth! Don't ever do that again, you scared me half to death."

He grinned a sheepish, almost Jacob-like grin as he emerged with my tiny child in  his arms, then swiftly pulled me into a slightly awkward, one armed hug... all the  while being very careful not to crush the baby. He pulled back, and immediately  returned all his attention, focus and awe to her. My automatic reaction was to reach  for her, take her into my arms, but I don't think Seth even noticed... he was  absolutely awestruck. I can't deny that it felt strange... _wrong_ , and my protective  instinct kicked in when I saw the blissful devotion on his face as he gazed at her...  and I gently, but forcibly, took her from his arms.

For what it was worth, Rosalice seemed to take an instant liking to the gangly boy  as well. She graced him with that sweet, heart melting smile of hers; firmly gripping  a thin handful of his long hair as I tried to take her out of his reach, giving it a sharp  pull... refusing to allow any physical distance to come between them. Seth grinned  so wide I thought his face might crack. I wished Edward were here for this, so he  could tell me what Rosie was thinking on their first meeting... and reassure me that  we weren't being complete fools by allowing this to go ahead. Sighing in defeat, I  handed her back over into the warm cradle of his waiting arms.

Seth started to walk up the pathway to the house, but I stood still... a new plan  forming in my mind. Edward would probably not agree with my choice, but it wasn't  like taking him with me would actually make us any safer in this instance... we were  much better off going without him.

"Seth, wait." He turned back towards me, but didn't take his eyes off the face of  my gurgling, happy daughter.

"Can you please take me to Jake's grave? I want to pay my respects, and I need to  talk to Billy."

* * *

Seth chatted animatedly the whole way there, filling what otherwise would have  been an awkward silence with idle, happy chatter... demanding to know everything  about our little girl, and how we came to have her in our lives. I told him the truth...  editing out the parts about Edward hunting humans on the streets of Juneau...  making sure to reiterate to him just how important this little one was in my life  now... just how much she had changed me in 5 short weeks. 

I think I was feeling a  little insecure now that Seth might think he had a stronger bond with her than me  because I wasn't her birth mother, and therefore try to take her from me; and keep  her here in La Push with the Quileute's, but I didn't sense any animosity or any form  of ulterior motive from him... he was just naturally curious. I wasn't sure how this  was all going to work out... to be honest, I was as nervous and confused as hell, but  Seth's chatter seemed to calm me a little... so by the time we arrived at the  reservation, I had a pretty firm plan in mind.

He took me off down a side street... a dirt track really... that led through a thick  copse of trees emerging on a pretty, shallow valley. I pulled over immediately,  recognizing the individual piles of stones for what they were... final resting places  for the Quileute people. This was their burial grounds. My plan faded instantly, to be  replaced by grief, guilt and terror at the idea of facing Jake. 

This was my moment of  truth.

Leaving Rosie in the seemingly capable hands of her betrothed, I walked slowly in  the direction Seth had pointed me in, towards a large pile of rocks on the west side  of the clearing, on top of a small rise, near the trees. The closer I got, the slower  I walked until, about 10 feet away, my feet seemed to become stuck to the ground. I  couldn't go any closer.

Tears started to leak from my eyes so fast that my vision blurred instantly... so I  just closed them... and made myself blindly stumble another several steps forward.

Stupid Idea. I had a hard enough time walking on an uneven surface with my eyes  open. I tripped on what must have been a tussock of grass and went down on the  rough ground, landing on my hands and knees feeling a stone cut into my left palm.

_ Stupid, stupid, stupid. _

I looked up, and there was the pile of rocks, right in front of me.

I couldn't help it. I laughed, even though my tears were still pouring down my  face. Jake would have found that hilarious.

'I'm sorry, Jake. I love you, you idiotic wolf, and I know how much you loved me,  but you didn't have to get yourself killed for me. I'm so sorry.'

I reached into my pocket and removed the single, tiny white stone that I had taken  off Renesmee's grave... placing it carefully on top of Jake's pile of rocks, then I  searched around Jake's grave to find a small rock that I could take to leave at her  eternal resting place. She was a part of me, and he was a part of me, now they could  have a part of each other, and look out for each other for an eternity.

If I had thought facing Jake's grave was hard, it was nothing compared to how I  felt when I faced his father. I had expected Billy to be mad at me... to yell, to curse  my damned involvement with the Cullens... to say he blamed me for his son's death.

My own guilt and grief assured me full entitlement to Billy's rage, so I was prepared  to stand there and bear it until he got it all off his chest.

What I got was a tight, full bodied embrace and a warm smile... which somehow,  made me feel even worse because I had avoided him for the past several months for  absolutely no reason. I felt about 2 feet tall. I had been such a coward. My father  watched on with sorrow in his eyes... he had been here for Billy, while I had been  dealing with my own grief... a grief that he knew nothing about.

Considering I was meant to be so terrible at lying, I seemed to be getting away  with an awful lot of it, but I was certainly not proud of my new skill. I was disgusted.

Billy's demeanour didn't change when my father left with Seth to go visit Sue,  leaving Billy and I alone with the baby. He was curious about Rosalice, and offered  his condolences over me losing my own child. We shared a look at his words that  told me quite clearly that he knew everything, but he didn't hold me to blame. I then  told him that Seth had imprinted on Rosalice. 

He choked on his beer, but recovered  quickly, telling me he had to go immediately to call a meeting with the elders. He  was probably one of the last to learn the news, as he had been out fishing with my  father when Sam had returned home with the information. He hurriedly wheeled  himself around the small room, gathering a few items and asked me to explain to  Charlie that he had something to take care of. I hated deceiving my dad by keeping  him in the dark about the wolves and the vampires, but after the past several  months... what was one more lie?

I knew then and there that I could not put off telling Edward what I had done any  longer. He deserved the truth. He was entitled to whatever reaction he had... and if  he could never forgive me for taking away his choices, then I would just have to live  with my decision on my own. Part of me hoped that I had conceived, and part of me  prayed that I hadn't, but either way, I wouldn't deny Edward the truth of my  actions any longer.

My decision made, I planned to confront Edward tonight... regardless of the  consequences... at least then, one way or another, he would know. 

It was almost  dark by the time I pulled up in front of my father's house, with him following in the  cruiser behind me. Seth had reluctantly agreed to remain in La Push for the  evening, but swore that he would see us at Midnight in the Forest. I didn't doubt his  word. His devotion was so complete, so pure and absolute, that he felt like a part of  my family already. In one afternoon he had dissolved my doubts. It just felt so right  to have a werewolf back in my life. I was sure that Jacob would be proud of me. In a  small way, I almost felt like I had part of him back again.

I bathed and fed my little one and put her down in her crib where she lay quietly,  watching the plush glow worm as it sang her lullabies. I felt soothed by the calmness  and serenity that floated off her in waves and I was completely incapable of looking  away from her peacefully beautiful face. I couldn't believe that I could be so lucky as  to have been given such an angelic child, especially so soon after losing my own.

Rosalice had blessed everything and made my life whole again, and this new baby would just be the icing on the cake. I had to believe that everything would go well  with him. I just had to. The alternative was unbearable.

When I could finally tear myself away, I turned on the monitor, and went  downstairs to hand the other half of it to Charlie, asking him to listen out for her, telling him I  needed to go see Edward. Charlie didn't question me. His head was buried in a  game... he just nodded, took the receiver, and waved me out the door.

"Thanks Dad."

* * *

I was surprised how easily I found the concealed driveway that led to the massive  white house on the river. Edward greeted me as I pulled to a stop in front of the  house, a big smile on his face. I felt the bottom drop out of my stomach. What I was  about to tell him would tear his heart out. Would he ever greet me with that smile  again after tonight?

I embraced him as he opened my door, and quickly and quietly led him inside. He  could tell by my sincerity and my hammering heart that I had something to say, so  he stood quietly, expectantly, waiting for me to talk.

_ Like ripping off a bandaid, Bella... just do it quickly... you can fill in the details  _ _ after you drop the bombshell. _

"Edward." I swallowed, taking his hands and forced myself to meet his beautiful  golden eyes. 

"I did something really stupid, and now I can't take it back... you're  probably going to hate me for it, but I have to tell you."

"You know you can tell me anything, Love."

The concern in his eyes was palpable and if anything, made me feel even worse. I  screwed my eyes shut, and squeezed his hands... silently begging him to understand.

_ Just say it! _

I took a deep breath.

"I think I'm pregnant."

* * *


	22. Compromise

**Compromise**

_**Bella** _

"I think I'm pregnant."

Edward just stood there, looking at me, holding my hands... his face dark with  concern, but otherwise unreadable. He didn't move or say a word. I hurried on,  desperate to get my feeble explanation heard before realization of what I had done  hit him, and he chose to never speak to me again. I was sweating; my hands were  shaking uncontrollably... so to steady them, I placed them both carefully on my  abdomen, cradling it lovingly.

"I was stupid, and inconsiderate. It was a spur of the moment decision, and I have  regretted it for every minute since I deceived you about it. I'm so sorry, Edward." 

I  braced myself for the revelation. "I stole some of your sperm, and now I might be  pregnant with our child."

I stared at him expectantly... waiting for the explosion that I was certain would  come, but still he didn't move, or make a sound. I slowly stepped forward and  reached up, caressing the side of his face gently with my hand. He leaned into my  caress, closing his eyes a little as he enjoyed the touch of my skin on his.

"Edward? Please say something?"

He looked down and met my eyes. "What would you like me to say?"

I couldn't believe he was still so calm. "Tell me how you're feeling. Tell me you're  angry that I lied to you and betrayed your wishes..."

"Do you want me to be angry?"

I couldn't understand this reaction from him. I stammered over my words. "I  expect you to be furious at me. I deceived you, and I stole from you. I'm angry at  myself for what I did."

"You stole from the trash, Love. You're certainly nothing if not resourceful."

I stared up at him incredulously. "You're not mad?"

"Bella, I have no right or reason to be mad. If I hadn't taken Renesmee from you in  the first place, then none of this would have ever happened. You could have had our  child, and already have been turned so that you can join me in eternity. It's my fault  you needed to resort to these tactics to get what you wanted."

"Dammit Edward, you can't keep blaming yourself for everything..."

He didn't let me finish. "This is my fault, Bella. Of course I'm not mad at you. How  could I be angry about you wanting to have a baby? Especially since everything has  just been so magical and wonderful for us since we've had Rosalice. I want a dozen  more children." He smiled a small, sad smile. "I'm just worried about losing you  again. Actually, I'm not worried so much as terrified. I need you. Rosie needs you.  We can't lose you, Bella."

"You won't," I whispered, stroking my fingers through his hair. "I promise."

"We need to work together this time, Love. If this pregnancy is to work, then we  need to keep you healthy and strong... and give the baby everything she needs to  grow and develop, but we may have to deliver her early so that she doesn't harm you  too much, we can have an incubator ready for her. I will not let her kill you, Love...  no matter the cost... do you understand?"

The sincerity in his eyes, the depth of emotion... I knew what he was implying. He  didn't want to actually say in so many words 'your life is more important to me than  the baby's,' but he may as well have. I knew the extents that he would go to for me. I  gripped his hands again, linking my fingers through his as I snuggled my body in  closer to his, tucking myself against his chest.

"I want to be turned, Edward," I spoke slowly, murmuring the words against his  chest. "I want to be with you forever. Rosalice is allowed to know what you are now,  so I don't have to take her away from the family. We can protect her, keep her  hidden from the world until she is old enough to understand the weight of the secret  she has been entrusted with. I want us to all be together, forever... and she will have  Seth to grow old with... she'll never be alone. She has already found her soul mate.

"How lucky is she? Some people go their whole lives without feeling the love that you  and I have... and our baby has been fortunate enough to find that at just 5 weeks of  age. I'm still wary of this imprinting thing, but I know we can trust Seth. I don't ever  want to be away from Rosalice, but this way, I don't ever have to be away from you  either."

Edward nodded slowly, carefully considering my words.

"Well, we don't know if you'll be able to survive this baby whilst human, Bella, so  of course we will have to be prepared to turn you at any moment, but I still don't  understand your thinking, Love. You did this before you knew about Seth... so what  were you going to do after our child was born?"

I couldn't help it, tears of shame began to well in my eyes. I knew Edward  wouldn't want to hear this... but I wouldn't lie to him.

"I was going to leave, with Rosalice, after this baby was born, and let you and your  family raise him... that way they could all have the baby they've wanted for so long,  and you could have had a part of me to keep forever."

I think Edward was physically in shock from my words... he just stood there,  staring at me with a very strange look in his eyes. Actually, I was pretty sure I was  in shock too. This was all so surreal. I couldn't believe that we were discussing my  vampire pregnancy rationally. Of course we both had our concerns, but from the  trial and error of our experience the first time around, I knew we could do this.

More importantly, I knew this time that I had Edward's help and support, and that  meant more to me than anything. I knew Edward wouldn't let me die, and that was  the most important thing... because no matter how much I desired a child that I had  given birth to, I would not leave Rosalice without a mother. She was too important  to me, and I loved her too much just to throw that away. I guess I was just being  greedy... I wanted it all... and with Edward's help, I knew I could have it.

_**Edward** _

My mind was reeling and my head was spinning, but oddly enough, I was actually  happy.

"Bella, this has all happened so fast. Are you sure this is what you want?"

I wasn't sure, but it didn't feel as if Bella was in a completely stable frame of mind  right now. In fact, she seemed more than a little desperate... and while I understood  that there were plenty of catalysts for that emotion in our lives right now, I didn't  want Bella literally making life or death decisions while in this frame of mind.

In the past twelve hours, Bella and I had learned that we would have to share our  infant, human daughter with a young, volatile werewolf, that Bella would now be  able to be turned, without fear of our daughter being in danger from the Volturi for  being a human with knowledge of vampires; because the wolves had their own  clause in that contract, and I had learned that Bella was so desperate to conceive my  child that she had stolen my sperm and artificially inseminated herself. To say that  we were both still in a little bit of shock was probably an understatement.

But I didn't feel angry. How could I be angry at Bella? All she wanted out of her  life, now that the opportunity was possible, was the chance to carry my child before  joining me in eternity. In the very least, I owed her the chance to try again, after  what I had done to her. Bella was so sure of herself... she completely believed that  she could do this. What kind of man... what kind of husband... would I be if I didn't  let her try?

So, in spite of the shock, I would definitely have been lying if I said that I didn't  feel more than an ounce of hope for the future. Rosalice could stay with us... all of  us, without fear of reprisal. Werewolves imprints were allowed, nay, they were  entitled to know everything about wolves, their heritage, and their natural  enemies... which included us. By imprinting on our daughter, Seth had enabled us to  keep her in our lives. He had given us our freedom back... and he had given me Bella  back. Forever. And if having Bella forever came with the added bonus of possibly  having another child, then I would take it and embrace it with both arms.

For no matter what happened this time... no matter what needed to happen for the  baby, I wouldn't risk Bella again. She knew this was a long shot, but I wouldn't let  her die trying to prove a point. No matter what, Bella would survive through this  pregnancy... even if I had to make the same disgusting decision that I had made last  time, and sacrifice the baby for her. Because this time, we were both going into this  with our eyes wide open. If it came down to me having to choose between Bella's life  and the baby's, I wouldn't hesitate. Yes, I had learned my lesson last time with  Renesmee, and of course I didn't want another child's death hanging over my head,  but this was different. This time Bella had deliberately gotten herself pregnant, she  had made the choice to risk her life... I was entitled to make my own choice to save  it.

But there was one thing that I wasn't okay with, and that was the deception  surrounding this new child's conception. Our new baby deserved better than that...  and I had the sudden desire to fix it.

With a warm smile, I quickly scooped Bella up into my arms. She squealed in  shock, but once her beautiful chocolate brown eyes met mine, she understood my  line of thought. She was a very smart girl, my Bella... and her fingers had begun to  work on the buttons of my shirt before I had even gotten her up the first flight of  stairs.

"As far as I'm concerned, Bella, today is the day this child is conceived, okay? No  one in my family is ever to know what you did in Juneau..." I caught her look, and  understood it perfectly. 

"I'll talk to Alice, she'll understand, and she'll keep it quiet.  This child deserves to be created out of our love."

She nodded, but tears had sprung to her eyes. I quickly wiped them away.

"I'm so sorry for deceiving you, Edward."

I cradled her face gently in my fingers, placing a gentle yet possessive kiss on her  beautiful, pouted lips. "I understand why you did, Love. Now, let us erase all that  pain and give this baby the loving creation she deserves, okay?"

She laughed lightly and pulled her head back a little. "You're convinced that it's  going to be a girl." It was more of a statement than a question.

I grinned back. "Don't you want another daughter?"

She shook her head, stubborn and determined. "Not really... I want to give you a  son."

God, at those words, my head was swimming. Could this really happen? We're we  being fools to believe we could go through this again, and expect it to work?  Probably, but honestly, in that moment, I couldn't care. The image of Bella, happy  and healthy, holding my new born child in her arms was too much to overcome.  But a son? My heart swelled with masculine pride at the image of our boy. His  skill, his speed, his strength, his beauty... his power. I was already impatient to meet  such an amazing creature.

I shook my head. "I honestly don't care, Love. As long as you are both healthy..."

I laid her down, gently, on top of the gold comforter on my bed, and very slowly  undressed her, until she lay before me, bare, pale and trembling in anticipation, her  eyes hooded and heavy with desire. I stroked my fingers so lightly over her skin,  tracing patterns, marvelling at how responsive she was just to a simple touch; her  skin pebbling beneath my palm, her breath hitching as I lowered my mouth to her  body and slowly licked a path up and over her left breast.

She sighed aloud, and brought her arms up to my buttons to finish freeing me of  my shirt. Then she started on my pants... deliberately trailing her fingers up and  down the length of my erection through the material, before freeing it and taking it  between her small hands, massaging it with her fingertips... while I fought the urge  to thrust against her hands.

_Slow and easy_. 

_ Tender and gentle. _

I exhaled a deep, unnecessary breath, and moved to lay beside her on the bed.  There was no need to rush this. We had another three hours before we had to meet  the wolves and I planned to make my beloved enjoy every minute of this.

I played her body until it sang for me... sweet, melodic harmonies that floated on  her breath in hitched sighs and soft moans... until the hypnotic scent of her arousal  became too much for me, and I finally slid into her warm, ever welcoming embrace.

If possible, our lovemaking was even sweeter and more erotic than our first time  together on the island, and our reconciliation a few nights ago... because this time  we had a purpose. We were actually trying to conceive a baby. 

Our son.

I still had my doubts. Something in the back of my head was screaming that I was  an idiot to allow this pregnancy, and the imprinting... that it was putting Bella and  Rosalice in unnecessary danger... but I pushed those thoughts away, for now. It  seemed that my Bella was almost always in some sort of danger, but when I tried to  prevent it, I usually made it worse. This time, I would just let it play out, and watch  carefully so that I could intervene if need be. No matter what else happened, I  would not lose Bella or Rosalice. 

They were my life. They were the only reason I was  still here.

  
  



	23. Chapter 23

**Choices**

_**Edward**_  
I shook my love gently awake at around 11.30... as much as I would have preferred to leave her asleep while I went to meet the wolves, I knew she would want to be there for this. Still, I had to at least try to dissuade her. She hadn't actually fallen into a deep sleep, she was merely dozing off the aftermath of our blissful lovemaking... sighing occasionally to encourage me to continue tracing random patterns across the smooth skin of her bare back, not that I needed encouragement. I couldn't have stopped touching her if my life depended on it.

"I'll take you back to your fathers, Love. You can stay with Rosie..."

"No, I'm coming with you," she interrupted, not even letting me finish. I had suspected as much.

"It would be safer..." I tried again.

"Edward," she cut me off again and her voice as it spoke my name in reproach was so strict and firm that I didn't wish to antagonise her any further. God help Rosalice when she got to the age where Bella would have to use her full name to reprimand her... my love's gentle voice packed quite a punch when used with conviction. I held my hands up in mock surrender. I grinned her favourite grin, and her eyes softened.

"I want to hear what they have to say too. I still don't know what this will all mean for us... for Rosie." I nodded, understanding her concern and reluctantly agreeing.

"She shouldn't wake and even if she does, she's safe with Charlie."

I slid my hand down the silken skin of her stomach, bringing it to rest on the non-existent swell of her abdomen, a wistful smile on my face as I tenderly stroked her skin. I absolutely hated myself for risking her life like this, but Bella had made it perfectly clear that she wanted another baby; with or without my consent or willing participation and I refused to allow her spur of the moment decision to come between us. I knew she had no malicious intent behind her actions... it was just Bella being my typical, self sacrificing Bella. I prayed that my decision to go along with her suicidal behaviour wouldn't backfire on me.

Instead of being angry at her, I actually felt an odd sense of relief. I longed to have another child with her. I would give almost anything for it, infact. So the fact that she had taken the decision out of my hands gave me an odd sense of detachment from the baby. Bella knew I wouldn't let her die, and she knew I wanted the baby, but if the choice had to be made, we both knew what it would be. I knew it sounded cold... and I hoped with every fibre of my dead heart that it wouldn't come to that decision again. I had to try to think positive. Everything would be fine this time... Bella and I would get our son, and we would get to have our happily ever after.

I smiled up at her... surprised to see her eyes wet with unshed tears, then it occurred to me that this was the first time that I had been receptive to the idea of her carrying our child; when Renesmee was within her, I would never have caressed her belly like this. Not with love and incredulity. No, I had only looked upon Renesmee with revulsion. The memory of my behaviour tore at my heartstrings. I shook my head fiercely.

"It will be different this time, my love. I swear it. I will do everything within my power to help you carry our child safely. I promise you, Love. I will protect you both."

She nodded; her own hand slipping down to cover mine, her tears spilling over, and dripping down her cheeks. "I know you will Edward. I trust you."

I couldn't help the small curve of my lip, or the involuntary shiver of contentment that rippled down my spine at her words.

_She trusts me._

God I loved hearing that. I shimmied up the bed to lie down beside her again, lifting her easily into my arms so that her head rested on my chest as she snuggled into my side, placing a line of soft kisses across my chest. I sighed in contentment and allowed myself the pleasure of enjoying my wife's company for a few more moments. It was physically impossible for me to crawl off the bed - away from her. This... right here... was essential. The wolves could damn well wait.

_**Bella**_  
Edward had insisted that we stop at home first to pick up a warmer jacket for me, and I didn't object, I wanted to check on my little angel anyway. As we entered the house, I immediately headed for the stairs, but a soft laugh from Edward made me pause, and on hearing my name come in a whisper off his lips I turned towards the living room, curious to see what was so amusing. I stopped in the doorway beside him and sighed, my fingers automatically seeking and entwining with Edward's as we gazed upon our daughter... sprawled out on her tummy across Charlie's chest, a tiny puddle of clear drool having left a wet mark on his blue shirt. He was partially propped up on the arm of the couch, head thrown back, snoring louder than thunder... both arms gently yet securely holding the little one safely against him. Even in sleep, his protective instincts wouldn't relax.

My mouth spread into a wide grin. As we watched, Rosalice shifted her body slightly, stretching a little, and Charlie - without even missing a beat in his rhythmic snoring, automatically tightened his arms around her. Beside me, Edward chuckled.

"As much as I hate to break this up, we should probably get these two upstairs to bed... Charlie's back will be grateful for it in the morning."

I nodded reluctantly and moved towards the pair... gently prying my daughter out of my Dad's arms and handing her to Edward. I grabbed both of Charlie's hands and gave a gentle pull. It took a few attempts, and a rather incoherent conversation; made even more so by the fact that he refused to open his eyes, but I soon got him up, leading him by his hands as we made our way up the stairs and into his bedroom, where he collapsed on the bed with a grunt. I tossed the quilt over the top of him, kissed his forehead, and closed his door behind me. We wouldn't have to worry about him tonight. I doubted an earthquake would wake him.

Edward had had similar luck with our angel... she was already deeply asleep in her crib; one arm around her glow worm, her blankets tucked in tightly around her little body. She was such a good baby. I knew from experience that she would not wake up again tonight... she'd been sleeping right through the night since she was just over a week old.

I quickly grabbed my jacket, a beanie, scarf and gloves, and once we were down the stairs, I climbed easily onto Edward's back for the quick run to the clearing. I couldn't help the feeling of exhilaration that spread through me from the short run. It had been so long since we'd done that, but it just felt so right.

When we got to the edge of the trees Edward placed me on my feet, and we approached the wolves hand in hand. I couldn't help but look around for the rest of them... I had expected the whole pack to come out to meet us... but it was only Seth, Sam and Leah, and in their human forms at that. I felt wary. Was this a trap? What did this mean?

Edward didn't seem worried though; he strode forward confidently and offered his hand in a friendly handshake to Sam... who hesitated only a few moments before accepting it graciously. Edward seemed pleased... and as I glanced at the faces of the wolves, I could see a similar expression on Seth's face... trepidation on Sam's, but caution and sadness on Leah's.

Edward broke the silence. "I didn't expect this. I expected the Quileute's to fight this outcome."

Sam sneered. "We're not happy about it. But our laws on imprinting are clear. You and your family are now protected because of Seth's imprint. Our grievances with you are in the past, and will not be brought up again. Retribution will not be sought for Jacob's death now that this imprint has happened... it would be a conflict of interest. An imprint and her family must be protected above all else."

Edward nodded solemnly, clearly having understood a lot more through their thoughts than I had heard. I still needed some clarification.

"So what does that mean for Seth?" I asked Sam, my fingers still firmly linked through Edward's.

"Do you want us to bring her back here for vacations so you can see her every now and then? How does this work?"

Sam shot me a dark look, but it was Seth who replied. "No Bella... I'll be coming with you, if you'll have me? I can't stand the thought of being away from her, not even for a day."

I gazed at him, dumbfounded. "You're leaving the pack... you're leaving your family? Seth, no... you're too young. You're still in school."

Seth grinned back at me. "Bella, there are schools all over the world and Rosie is my family now. You all are."

I glanced at Leah, the disappointed anger in her eyes was palpable, but she didn't say a word. I didn't know Leah that well, but she had never struck me as the type of person to keep her mouth shut to avoid an argument. I had to wonder why she didn't speak up now.

"What about your sister, and your Mom? She's already lost your Father, Seth... she won't want to lose you too."

Seth gave me a sad smile. "They understand, Bella. They both seem to think that my taste in in-laws leaves a little to be desired..." Edward chuckled softly as Leah grumbled something under her breath that I didn't understand, but Seth continued.

"But it's not like I won't see them again. I'll come back all the time for short visits."

Edward squeezed my fingers. "We'll work this all out with Carlisle, we can get some legal papers drawn up saying that he takes on legal guardianship of Seth."

I shook my head... something about all this still didn't seem quite right... it was all too neat and tidy... and forced... and ordered... and one sided.

"Seth? Please forgive me for asking this, but I just can't keep it to myself any longer. You are all so sure of this imprint, that you and Rosalice are soul mates, and are destined to be together for ever, but what happens if Rosalice doesn't want that? What if she doesn't love you back in the same way?"

Seth smiled softly at me, his dark eyes kind and unworried. "Then I will be whatever it is that she needs me to be. A friend. A confidant. A brother... I don't mind. I will be happy with whatever makes her happy, Bella, I won't force anything upon her. I am just thrilled to have her in my life and whatever form our relationship takes on, I will be thankful for it."

I nodded slowly. This was going to be a learning curve for all of us, but Seth had a kind heart, and I had to admit that I was somewhat relieved to learn that Rosalice's choices and feelings would be taken into consideration, despite their laws and beliefs.

Then a thought struck me... triggered by a memory of something Jake had said to me long ago. "Wait, Seth, won't you age? If you leave the pack, then you'll always appear to be fifteen years older than Rosalice... by the time she comes of age, you'll be in your thirties?"

Edward answered me this time. "No Bella, as long as Seth continues to transform regularly into his wolf form, he will not get any older. He can come hunting with us, as a wolf, for the next fifteen years, until he and Rosie appear to be the same age. Then, if he wants to, he can stop letting the change happen, and his body will start aging again... so that, if it is what they choose, he and Rosie can grow older together."

I couldn't see a flaw in that plan even though I was trying to think of everything. I didn't want something that we hadn't considered to flare up and bite us in the ass in the future, but really, they seemed to have it all worked out.

"We're leaving town in the morning, Seth, shall we pick you up on our way through... say around 10 o'clock?" Edward's gaze shifted to Sam. "That is, if this truce between us now allows my presence on Quileute land?"

Sam didn't look very happy, but he nodded. "It does, but you only, Cullen... we don't want you bringing your whole coven by for friendly little visits, understood? No hunting, no fighting." Sam straightened himself up to his full height, and took a further step forward, so that he towered over Edward. 

"I will warn you now, and if you are careful, I will never mention it again. If ANY harm befalls Seth, in ANY way... even if we find out that you are not treating him with the utmost respect and honour... we will destroy you all. That is not a threat, it is a solemn promise. I have no reason to trust your word, but it's not up to me... it's Seth's decision, but I will be watching you, Cullen."

I could feel the tension roiling off Edward as he faced off against Sam, but he didn't react. He swallowed back his anger and extended his hand again, sealing the agreement with a handshake. It was done. Seth would be coming home with us.

_**Edward**_  
We said goodbye to Charlie early the following morning, before he climbed into his cruiser and drove away, leaving us to finish gathering our stuff alone on the promise that we wouldn't stay away for so long next time. Bella hugged him whole heartedly, and promised him that we would come again within the month. Then she hesitated... obviously suddenly realizing that that might not be possible as she surreptitiously slid her hand down to her flat stomach. In a month's time, she could be very, very pregnant.

_Or she could be dead?_

I gritted my teeth against that thought, and continued with my task of carefully dressing Rosalice in preparations for the icy conditions outside. She'd already been fed this morning by her doting grandpa, who was almost as clucky over her as Esme, which Bella and I both found very amusing to watch... especially as he seemed to find it absolutely adorable when she spit up all down the front of his clean work shirt, and he had to go change before he could leave the house.

I had spoken with Alice in the early hours of this morning, while my Bella slept soundly in my arms, and had told her everything. She had agreed not to tell the family anything of Bella's deception, although she was a little bitter about my demand that she not confront Bella about it either. I didn't want her making my love uncomfortable with her anger and accusations... that extra stress wouldn't be good for the baby.

Alice had revealed to me that something very strange had happened with her visions over the weekend... she could now see Seth. She could see him as part of our family's future, and she could see his individual decisions and choices... even the ones that had nothing to do with us or Rosalice. We were both absolutely baffled by this. In the past, Alice had not only been unable to get a reading on Jacob or any of the other wolves, but their physical presence had actually blocked her from getting a clear view of anyone around them. She still couldn't see the other wolves, but since the imprint, Seth was as clear as a bell. I couldn't wait to hear what Carlisle thought of this new discovery.

With my girls and all our belongings packed neatly into the hired car, we left Forks a little after 9.30 and drove down the highway to La Push. I could smell the boundary line... I knew the exact point where we crossed over onto Quileute land. Bella could sense my uncertainty, and quietly slid her hand to my thigh in a silent gesture of comfort. I was sure she didn't realize just how much that tiny gesture comforted me.

Seth was waiting for us out the front of a small yellow house; several bags sitting on the stairs beside him. As I pulled to a halt, he bounded over to the car and flung the back door open, scooping Rosalice up into his arms in a warm hug, cooing softly to her in greeting. I grinned. The relief in his mind... the exaltation at just seeing her, and being in her presence, was intoxicating. This whole imprinting thing might be controversial, but nothing in Seth's mind led me to believe that it was in any way wrong, or would be harmful to our daughter. How could it possibly hurt to have an extra person who adores her?

Bella had walked around the car and linked her fingers through mine, leading me up to the house, following the path that an eager Seth had taken with our baby as he rushed in to introduce her to his mother and sister.

Leah sneered at me as we walked inside. I felt very out of place and the stench of dog was terrible. The three of them; Seth, Leah and Sue, were gathered around our baby in a tight circle, talking excitedly and exclaiming her beauty. Sue was holding her gently cradled in her arms and to my surprise, she approached Bella and I and pulled us both in turn into a tight hug, then turned away again, pressing wet, sobbing kisses to Rosalice's head. I could feel her sorrow... hear her concern for her son, but I could also feel her kindness. She held no animosity toward us for what had happened... or what was going to happen. She was both devastated and overjoyed for her son and her conflicting thoughts and feelings were making me dizzy.

Even Leah wasn't as angry as I had expected... she was sad, concerned and wary... and as she leaned in to kiss our baby goodbye I caught a flash of a thought on her mind about how much Rosalice stank like a bloodsucker, but underneath all the anxiety of it all, she was happy for her brother and just a little bit jealous. She waited until her mother was preoccupied again with Seth and Rosalice before she approached Bella and I warily. She glared at me with an intense hatred, but it stemmed more from worry than malice, I could hear it in her mind.

"I don't like you. I don't trust you, and I haven't forgiven you for taking advantage of Jake's obsession with Bella and getting him killed. If anything happens to my brother, I will hold you personally responsible... and I'll track you down and rip your fucking head off. Are we clear?"

Unlike Sam's warning, I wasn't offended by Leah's threat. I could feel the strength of her conviction, and I could hear the control it took her to calmly approach me like this, and have her say, I respected her for it. I smiled softly at her.

"Crystal. We'll look out for him, Leah, you have my word."

She sneered sarcastically. "Ha... your word doesn't mean a hell of a lot around here, bloodsucker."

We were soon on our way again, our flight left at noon, and to keep Bella happy I had already agreed to drive slowly, but by the time we hit the highway again, she was so caught up in her friendly chatter with Seth, she didn't even notice that I had put my foot down. Seth wouldn't have noticed if he was on fire... he sat beside Rosalice in the back seat of the car and let her chew on his fingers... never once ceasing to pay her attention even though he was clearly caught up in his conversation with Bella. I didn't join in... I had too much on my mind... but I wasn't worried.

In fact, I felt more hopeful about our future than I had in a long time.

* * *


	24. Discovery

**Discovery**

_**Bella**_  
Our welcome home was pretty much what I expected. Alice picked us up from the airport; she had already pre-warned everyone of Seth's imprint on Rosalice in the hope of possibly sparing the boy from the wrath of five shocked vampires when he showed up on their doorstep, but it hadn't really done much good. Everyone was still understandably wary of what this would mean for the baby... not to mention what it would mean to the family to now have a wolf in permanent residence. The amusing thing about it all was that Seth seemed just as unsure as the rest of them... which helped to reduce some of the tension simply by evening out the playing field a little.

From minute one, Seth and Emmett just clicked. It was like they had known each other their whole lives. Within ten minutes of us being home Emmett had Seth in a headlock as they wrestled on the floor of the living room, teasing and taunting each other and being playfully cheered on by Edward and a slightly more subdued Jasper.

Rose was sulking. At first I wondered why she'd even bothered to stay in the apartment for our homecoming at all if she was going to be so nasty to our guest, but she answered that question wordlessly, cradling Rosalice into her arms gently at the first opportunity, sweetly kissing and cooing to her, telling her she loved her and had missed her... then in the same sugary sweet voice, telling the baby that she stank like the mongrel. Edward growled at her and instantly took the baby off her.

That was when Rose had left the apartment. I was actually a little surprised that Emmett hadn't gone after her, but he was too caught up in getting to know his new little brother. I was quite sure that Rose would make him pay for that mistake later.

Esme had greeted us all warmly, immediately unburdening Edward of the baby's slight weight so that she could have her 'nanna cuddles,' as she called them. The idea of beautiful, youthful Esme being a 'nanna' was a little surreal to me, but if it didn't bother her, then I certainly wasn't going to complain.

Rosalice had been awake for most of the flight, the three of us having taken turns to cuddle her on our laps the whole way, so by the time we got home she was starting to get a little fussy. I removed her from her 'nanna,' who was more than a little reluctant to give her up, and Esme and Alice both followed me into the room when I went to lay her in her crib. Esme kissed her softly, and with a deliberate smile, closed the door behind her, leaving Alice and me alone. I was suddenly terrified.

I hovered by the crib... unsure of what to do next, and I was very certain Alice could hear my thundering heartbeat. I hung my head, deliberately avoiding meeting her eyes, pretending to be suddenly very interested in Rosalice's hanging musical mobile.

Alice sighed loudly and danced over to the bed, climbing up on top and sitting right in the middle, legs crossed, hands on knees... just waiting for me to look at her. When I finally worked up the courage to, it was to see a very uncharacteristic frown upon her beautiful, elfin features.

"I'm very disappointed in you, Bella," she began, and I dropped my gaze again. She wasn't yelling at me... she didn't sound angry - not that it was ever really possible for lilting, chiming bells to be angry - she was just sad.

"Throughout all of this, I never would have thought that you would do something so reckless, or so dangerous, or so selfish. I never would have believed that you had it in you to deliberately try to get revenge on Edward."

My head snapped up. "I'm not... that's not what this is about, Alice."

She arched an eyebrow at me. "Isn't it?"

"No," I replied quickly, with more conviction than I felt. "It's not about that at all. I want another baby, Alice. I know I can carry him. I've figured out what the baby wants, and I'm sure it's going to work this time. I'll get Carlisle to give me..."

"Blood... I know, Edward told me all about your theory. And you're right, it does make sense. But is it worth risking everything for? And why, if this isn't about revenge, then WHY did you go with a sneaky, behind closed doors, stolen sperm 'turkey baster' conception? It doesn't add up, Bella. There's more to this than you are admitting to yourself."

My mouth was open, ready to answer her, but I couldn't force the words out. She definitely had a point. If I hadn't intended to hurt Edward, then why hadn't I just waited until I could talk him into it? I already knew that I could convince him to do just about anything for me... Edward couldn't deny me anything... so why hadn't I waited. Deep down, was this is all about revenge?

I shook my head. No. It couldn't be.

"Hang on..." I sidetracked, suddenly picking up on the wording Alice had used.

"You said 'conception.'"

"Hmm?" Alice replied in a questioning tone.

"You said 'Turkey baster' conception... not insemination. Do you know for sure that I have conceived, Alice?"

She just stared at me, disapproval in her stern liquid golden eyes, but I caught the glimmer of a twitch of her lip as she realized that I'd caught her out. Then she dropped the façade, and smiled.

My mouth dropped open in shock. If I hadn't been sitting down, I think I would have fallen over.

"I can't actually tell when you conceived... whether it was your vulgar, little stunt with the condom, or last night with Edward... but I can tell you that you have a little boy growing within you right now. I can see him."

"Holy Crow... you can see him?" I practically screamed, so excited and amazed my head was instantly spinning. This certainly wasn't the direction that I had expected this conversation to take... I thought she was going to be angry... or possibly not ever want to speak to me again, but not this.

Suddenly Edward was there, his arms cautiously around me, holding me upright. I beamed up at him... everything else forgotten as I stared into his beautiful, concerned golden eyes. "We're having a boy. Alice can see him."

I caught just the feint flicker of a dark shadow as it crossed over Edwards face before he pulled me against him in a gleeful embrace. His hand stroked down my back, encircling my waist, as his other hand slid down from my cheek, caressing my ribcage before it settled protectively on my still flat belly, and his lips lowered softly to mine, possibly attempting to calm me a little with his gentle kiss. But it was too short a kiss, within moments he pulled away from my lips, and turned to face Alice, who was still sitting cross legged on the bed.

"What do you mean, 'you can see him?' Why can you see him, when you couldn't see Renesmee? And why can you suddenly see Seth, when you've never been able to  
see the wolves before? What is going on with your visions Alice?"

She shrugged her petite shoulders. "I honestly don't know, Edward. I don't get reasons or explanations... just the vision, you know that. I can only speculate. Maybe it's different with this pregnancy because it's a boy? Or he might have a different genetic make-up to Renesmee?"

"Bella?" a gentle voice came from the doorway. I hadn't even realized until that moment that Edward must have left it open behind him and now his entire family were looking in at us, watching on as we had shared our discovery. Now they all knew.

It was Carlisle who had spoken. I tore my eyes from the burning worry in Esme's to meet his, and respond with a questioning glance.

"I would like to examine you, if you don't mind? If Alice can see this pregnancy, I'd like to see if I can possibly get an ultrasound image of the baby. We couldn't see anything with Renesmee, but it may be different this time. Do I have your permission to try?"

I glanced up at Edward. His jaw was tight, he looked troubled, but he attempted a stiff smile in response to my questioning glance. "Umm, sure... of course, Dr... Carlisle."

He continued, "I have a friend with a practice downtown, he has sonogram equipment there, I'll check with him in the morning, and see if he'll let us use it. Once we know more, we can discuss how we are going to handle this."

"Until then, I think I may have a theory about why you are suddenly able to see Seth, but I think we should all leave young miss Rosalice to her slumber... we should continue this in the living room."

We all filed out obediently, Edward and I being the last to leave the room; both of us pausing to stare at our beautiful, sleeping daughter one last time before I flicked off the lamp, and we silently left the room, hand in hand. With my free hand, I gently caressed my no-longer-empty belly with raptured wonder and I could not wait until he began to grow and I could actually feel his presence within me. I didn't know how women put up with human pregnancies... it would all be too slow and time consuming for me now, especially after two hyped up supernatural babies. For about the thousandth time since I had met Edward, I thanked my lucky stars that I wasn't normal.

_**Edward**_  
Bella clung to my hand as we walked out into the living room. I took a seat in the recliner by the fireplace, the spot normally reserved for Bella as she was the only one who really required the heat, and pulled my beloved down into my lap. Her face was glowing, she simply couldn't stop smiling, and for me, that was reason enough to tell that this was right. She snuggled in against me, placing several soft, chaste kisses up my neck and across my jaw and though I wasn't usually one to go in for public displays of affection, I just couldn't help myself, and lifted her chin so I could meet her eager lips with my own.

My family settled in around us; I heard Emmett on the phone to Rosalie asking her to come home immediately and within moments, my whole family was present and accounted for, and staring expectantly at Carlisle, waiting for him to begin. Carlisle levelled a look at Alice, and she stood and addressed us all, quickly informing us of the inclusion of Seth into her visions... and of being able to see the new baby.

Rosalie gasped aloud at Alice's words, shock written all over her cold face. She turned to stare open mouthed at Bella and I... causing Bella to instantly hang her head in shame, but I was absolutely shocked at what I heard in my sisters mind. I had expected anger, rage and jealousy; but as her surprised features twisted into a beaming grin and she darted over to kneel in front of Bella, I realized that I had sorely misjudged her. Rosalie may be selfish and conceited most of the time, but when it came to the inclusion of another baby in our lives, she was simply thrilled at the idea of another little person to help care for, whether it was hers or not.

"When did this happen, Bella? Is this even possible?"

She turned a pointed glare in my direction, but continued to speak only to Bella, her voice a little lower and full of concern.

"Is Edward actually going to allow you to keep this baby, or do you need my help again? I will do anything, Bella. Just say the word."

Carlisle stepped in before I could respond, quickly pulling the conversation back to the subject of Alice's visions... promising Rosalie that the pregnancy would be discussed after we had more details, which would hopefully be after the sonogram tomorrow. Rose reluctantly agreed to drop the subject, but she wouldn't leave Bella's side for the rest of the night... hovering on the arm of the recliner, constantly squeezing Bella's hands and happily rubbing her belly. My sister was actually more excited in that moment than even Bella herself, and that was saying something.

In the end, we concluded that Alice's visions of Seth could only be the result of one thing... the imprint. It seemed that whatever cosmic forces that tied Seth to Rosalice, subsequently tied Seth to our entire family. He had given up his pack for his imprint, and now he truly was a part of our extended and seemingly ever growing family.

Personally, I was thrilled at this... if there was ever any further proof needed that Rosalice truly belonged with our family, this was it. Bella and I went to bed soon after the family meeting, which, despite Carlisles best efforts, kept sliding back to the topic of our new baby. Carlisle was adamant that we not discuss it until we had all the details, but the whole family already seemed to be in agreement that this pregnancy would differ in every way possible from Bella's pregnancy with Renesmee. Esme excused herself from the circle, ignoring Bella's claims that she wasn't hungry, and whipping up a quick batch of scrambled eggs on toast, which Bella and Seth both fell upon like hungry... well,  
wolves.

Watching Bella eat the eggs with such gusto reminded me instantly of our honeymoon, and the copious amounts of eggs she had put away on the island... and as I carried her into bed and laid her gently in the centre, I couldn't help but rest my palm gently on her belly... desperately impatient to feel the first signs of new life that would soon come from there. While we didn't yet have a full understanding of what he was, we knew what he wasn't... a monster. I would not make the same mistakes and misjudgments this time that I had made with our daughter

I knew Bella was absolutely baffled at the turnaround in my behaviour towards the pregnancy... I couldn't even completely explain it myself, but I somehow just knew that it would work out this time. It had to. The alternative just wasn't an option... not for my Bella, and not for our family.

_**Bella**_  
Edward and I sat side by side in the waiting room, waiting for Carlisle to return. It was now Tuesday afternoon, almost 2 whole days since Alice had confirmed my pregnancy, and to say that I was eager to meet my son was an understatement. Carlisle's doctor friend had been fully booked out the day before, and insisted that this afternoon was the first available open slot that he had for us to be able to use his machines. In a normal pregnancy, two days was nothing... but with the accelerated growth that Renesmee had, we didn't want to risk anything.

Edward eventually led me down the short, white hallway and into an examination room, where Carlisle was standing beside a massive machine, and helped me up onto the uninviting padded table... but even with all the machinery and shiny looking instruments stored in the glass doored cabinet behind us, the stirrups attached to the end of the table were the easily scariest thing in the room... and it suddenly occurred to me that Carlisle would probably require me to use them at some stage throughout this pregnancy.

The thought of that made me feel about as comfortable as I had the first time Charlie and I had realized I would need someone's help showering after I had broken my leg.

All I could hear was a soft, faint swooshing sound as Carlisle rubbed the cool gel over my abdomen with the rounded end of a scanner and for a moment my heart fell. I'd seen enough movies to know that you could hear a babies heartbeat through one of these things quite clearly, it came through in dull, staccato drum beats, but there was nothing. I rolled over a little, pressing my face into Edwards arm, trying to hold back tears and as I did, a new sound came through the speakers. It sounded like a drum roll. It was loud, and steady, and strong, but so fast. Too fast.

I gasped in amazement, and turned back to meet Carlisle's eyes, but the sound dropped away as I did so.

"Please stay still, Bella," he spoke gently. I just nodded, as he continued to move the scanner around, trying to regain the sound.

"Roll back towards Edward, the way you just were?"

I obeyed immediately, and we were instantly rewarded with the fast, thumping drum roll again. It was music to my ears, my baby had a heartbeat, but neither Carlisle nor Edward seemed relieved by the sound. I saw Edward shoot a worried glance over my head at Carlisle, I had seen that look before. Many times, on many faces I loved.

"What is it? What's wrong with him?" My question was directed at Carlisle, but Edward held me gently in his arms and answered my concern.

"We don't know if anything is wrong, Love, but the heartrate is way too fast for a normal child. It's almost 3 times the speed of that of a normal fetus. Its tachycardia, at a higher rate than Carlisle's ever heard of... but... it's not like we're dealing with a normal baby here. We'll just have to wait and see. It's amazing that we can get any readings of the baby at all... we couldn't with Renesmee. Carlisle wants to check a few details... just lie still for a while, ok Love?"

I nodded obediently, instantly relaxing back into Edwards embrace, my eyes firmly on the display screen that showed the pea sized image of my new baby.

Carlisle's surprise went up another notch as he disclosed that our son was already the size of a 4-5 week old fetus. I didn't know why they were so alarmed. Of course  
he would be different, he wasn't fully human, the rate he was growing and his rapid heartbeat was just testament to that, not cause for concern.

Pheww, for a second there, from the look in their eyes, I had actually been worried.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Phew, yep, nothing at all to be worried about, right Bells? Carlisle and Edward clearly aren't worried at all .... 
> 
> Please drop me a little review. We are only 6 chapters from the end now. :)
> 
> xx BRL


	25. Divine

**Divine**

_**Bella**_  
It was exactly one week after that first sonogram that I felt my son move for the first time. Rose and I were sitting on the loveseat with Rosalice cuddled between us, feet up, a thick quilt wrapped around me while I nibbled on popcorn, watching 'The Notebook,' which of course already had me in rivers of tears. The feeling of it was only a fluttering... just a tiny nudge from within... but the emotions I felt at the familiar action instantly induced fresh tears, and I grabbed Rose's hand and placed it on my abdomen. She beamed so brightly that I was temporarily blinded, and we both just sat there, staring at each other, waiting for him to move again. Of course he didn't cooperate... which upset me even more.

Rose thought I was most amusing lately. Our friendship had grown so much stronger over the past few days simply from the amount of time we were spending together, and for the past week all I had done was cry. I cried in the shower, I cried in bed... I had even burst into tears the day that I went across to the campus to drop out for 'personal reasons.'

It was during one of my little hormonally fueled tear attacks that Rose absolutely shocked me, by apologising to me, completely out of the blue, for killing my best friend. I just stared at her in shock... this was something that I had never expected to hear from her lips. I had never confronted her about Jake's death, because in truth, I didn't blame her for it. I had asked her to protect my baby, and that was all she had been trying to do. I had never brought it up with her because I already understood her reasoning, and I had just assumed that she hadn't brought it up because she thought she didn't have anything to apologise for. I guess I was wrong on that account and I hugged her tightly to thank her for the sentiment... which of course brought about a fresh downpour of tears.

Emmett teased me constantly for being so hormonal lately, right up until yesterday morning in the kitchen when I burst into oversensitive tears from all his teasing and clung to him, sobbing uncontrollably, my tears drenching the front of his shirt. As far as getting him to lay off the teasing, that was quite possibly the most effective thing I could have done. Emmett was now absolutely scared shitless of me, and avoided me at all costs.

Seth had settled into the family almost seamlessly. Carlisle and Esme had gone with him today to enroll him in the high school. They'd had to wait a few days for their lawyer to draw up some legal documents stating that they were now Seth's legal guardians. We'd let him take over the nursery as his own room; since Rosalice still slept in her crib in our room anyway, so it had seemed like a definite waste of space keeping her room empty considering how crowded the apartment had become.

Edward and I initially had spoken of getting our own house to try to ease the overcrowding situation a little, but the rest of the family seemed so upset at the idea of us taking the babies out from under the same roof as them, that we had all decided to move together. Even Rosalie didn't seem to mind the idea of still residing under the same roof as the dog, and it was only half heartedly that she suggested we get him his own kennel.

In fact, the only person who really didn't seem totally impressed with the way things had turned out was Alice. She'd been avoiding me all week, but in the one time that I had managed to corner her to ask her about it, she had denied that anything was wrong. I had a sense that she was still angry at me over what she had perceived to be my 'revenge' on Edward. I hated being at such odds with her... my world just didn't sit right without Alice. And even though I physically saw her all the time, I missed my best 'girl' friend terribly.

The plans for the house that Rose and Emmett had bought just a few weeks ago had been put on hold... it wasn't big enough to house all of us, so considering the change in circumstances, it was just no longer a priority. It still baffled me the way they went through money, and were able to treat the purchase of all these new houses with such a casual nonchalance.

Thus, the new house hunt had begun. It hadn't taken long at all before Esme and Alice found the perfect place. It was a massive old mansion that had more rooms than I could count, right on the very outskirts of town. The place had been standing empty for about a decade, it was run down, and the gardens and trees had grown in around it, actually giving it a bit of a haunted feel... so it had seemed like a perfect place for a family of Vampires. Even Esme couldn't help but find the humour in the irony of it. She was eagerly planning out the long term project of fully restoring the home around us, but in the meantime they had to make it livable. They had spent every minute of the last five days refurbishing the house... cleaning, repairing and gardening... and of course shopping for all the new furnishings and homewares to make it our new home.

The boys had all been put to work by Esme. Emmett was handed the mammoth task of mowing all the grassed area's on the completely overgrown 50 acre property, but had insisted upon Rose giving the ride on mower a proper 'tune-up' before he would touch the thing. Now it seemed to respond more like a quad bike than a lawn mower, and Emmett was taking great joy in zooming in circles around the house, creating his very own racetrack. Jasper and Edward, forever the immature, fun loving kids that they were on the inside, couldn't let him have all the fun, so suddenly the family had found themselves in possession of 3 matching quad bikes, and the lawn mowing had laid forgotten for several hours before Esme had gotten impatient and put her foot down, making the boys get back to work.

I was the only one who was not allowed to help with the new house. Edward worried that all the dust and decay wouldn't be good for me. And of course neither him nor Esme would actually let me lift a finger to do anything anyway. Rose had assigned herself as my companion... preferring to spend her days with me and the baby rather than getting dirty cleaning a moldy old house.

My appetite over the last week had grown ridiculous. I was eating almost constantly these days. I rarely went more than half an hour without popping something else into my mouth, but so far I hadn't gained any weight at all, although I did now have a definite bump between my hips, that I found almost impossible to stop touching. But even stronger than my appetite for food was my voracious and uncontrollable sexual appetite. Poor Edward, I almost felt sorry for him.

My body seemed to have changed so much already. My breasts had swelled to almost twice their normal size, and they ached constantly, and I was most alarmed to see that I was already producing droplets of milk from my darkened nipples.

Edward had attempted to explain to me all the changes that my body was going through; he described how my hormones were through the roof and why my girly bits were swollen and tender, but the way he had looked at me as he had described such swellings had made it a little hard for me to control myself, and we never actually ended up finishing that conversation.

That seemed to be happening a lot lately. I ran my hand tenderly across my belly as I remembered back to that wonderful afternoon last week, a nostalgic, happy smile playing about my face.

It was the afternoon immediately following the first sonogram, Carlisle, Edward and I had spent several hours discussing how to handle my pregnancy. Carlisle was excited about the blood idea, and his confidence in my plan only reassured me further that this would all work out.

With my pregnancy with Renesmee, I had gotten thinner and weaker as she had grown, as she was literally sucking the life out of my body. It seemed that the nutrients she had required to grow included large amounts of blood, which of course she had taken directly from me. This baby would hopefully require sustenance in the same way... so Carlisle's idea was to try giving me transfusions whenever I looked like I was growing weaker, thinner or more tired.

I cringed at the idea of being given blood through a needle, but when Carlisle suggested that another alternative would be for me to drink it directly, I instantly agreed to give the transfusions a go. There was absolutely no way that I would be able to drink blood... not when the smell of it alone made me nauseous.

With that settled, and the method of 'trial and error' reluctantly agreed upon as the way to treat this pregnancy, I was just about ready to go home and have a rest when Edward suggested that we go for a drive... alone. I couldn't miss the intensity in his eyes as he held the car door open for me expectantly, knowing that I would never refuse him anything.

He seemed nervous, but there was an excited buzz to his energy too that I couldn't deny, and my mind raced through all of our possible destinations and his possible motives for this drive as he flew down the icy, darkening streets of Juneau. It was right on twilight as he pulled into a lookout overlooking the ocean, and before I could even undo my seatbelt he was there at my door, helping me out of the car. We walked slowly, in a completely comfortable silence to the cliffs edge, and I sighed at the beauty of the sunset over the sea before us, leaning back into his chest to watch, relaxing against him. I could feel his lips on my hair, his strong, cool arms comforting me; safely wrapped around my body... his hands resting on my belly, rubbing small circles beneath my shirt, stroking my skin. This was heaven.

The sun was almost gone when he broke the silence with a softly spoken intensity to his words.

"My Bella," he breathed the words slowly, pausing to press a soft, lingering kiss to my cheek. "You have absolutely no idea just how much I adore you, Love. There aren't words strong enough to describe my love for you. You are so much more than I ever dreamed could be possible for me, and then you extended the gift of your love by giving us a family, something that I have believed impossible for almost a century."

He removed one hand from my belly and took a step to the side so that I could see his face, but lowered his eyes in shame at his next words.

"I let you down. I didn't have faith enough to believe that I deserved a family, and the mistakes I made were unforgivable. Renesmee should be here with us now, and for the rest of forever..."

I couldn't hear any more. I cut him off with a single finger placed over his lips, my tears streaming uninterrupted down my face.

"I have something for you love. It's just a token... just a small way for both of us to always remember her." As he spoke, he reached into his right pocket and produced a small, black velvet box, and placed it gently in my hand. "I wanted you to have something physical that you could keep with you to remind you of her... just like I have."

I glanced up as he reached under the neck of his shirt and pulled out a thin chain, on which was threaded a delicate gold ring, embedded with a tiny blue sapphire in the shape of a teardrop. Then he opened the ring box in my hand, and held it up next to his. They were identical.

"I wear this for Renesmee, Bella. See, it's got her name engraved on the inside, and I wanted to give you the same thing... If you think it might help. I don't want to  
make anything harder for you, love, but I know she's always with you, in your heart. I thought this might be a nice way for us both to share her memory."

I just stared at the rings. The thoughtfulness behind the simple action made my heart tear open again and I realized something in that moment that I had never really considered before. No matter how much I had suffered from losing my daughter, it couldn't compare to the searing agony that Edward would always carry in the flawless recognition of his mind, knowing forever that he was the reason she was dead.

I suddenly felt so selfish. Not only had I refused to acknowledge his own pain, but I had made it so much worse by rejecting him and pushing him away, and his grief and guilt had only increased from knowing how badly he had broken me. I didn't deserve someone as magnificent and selfless as him.

I looked up into the smooth flowing gold of his eyes and smiled through my tears as I reached for the ring. It was tiny and delicate, and he slid it perfectly into place on my left pinkie finger, but instead of letting go of my hand, he again reached into his pocket and produced another ring box... and as I watched on in disbelief he slid gracefully down onto one knee, smiling up at me with that irresistible lop sided grin that I so loved. I suddenly didn't know whether to laugh or cry. He produced from the box an intricately woven antique gold band, adorned with a smattering of diamonds. It was stunning.

"Bella..." his voice was barely a whisper; it was so choked with emotion. "Will you please be my wife again?"

I couldn't find any words, so I simply nodded, and watched as he slid it into place on my finger, where it rested against Renesmee's ring. They seemed to belong side by side. I dropped to my knees, into his arms, and kissed him with all the passion, love and forgiveness that I could suddenly feel flowing out of my heart for him. It was like a floodgate had been opened, and not only was I powerless to stop it, but I don't think it even occurred to me to try.

"I am so sorry Edward," I sobbed against his lips, kissing his face sporadically to punctuate the words. "I have been so selfish, and I've punished you so harshly for making an impossible decision."

I kissed his eyelids and his cheekbones; my body pressed firmly against his, being safely supported in his arms as I ran my fingers lovingly through his hair.

"I don't want you to carry the guilt around any more, Edward. I understand now that it wasn't your fault, ok? You don't have to try to make it up to me any more. I forgive you."

He pulled back just enough to meet my eyes, frowning sadly as he shook his head.

"Bella... you can't. It's too much to forgive."

I smiled, and whispered back three little words before I reclaimed his lips.

"I just did."

**To err is human. To forgive, Divine.**   
**-Alexander Pope**   
  



	26. Endure

**Endure**

_**Bella**_  
I was no longer suffering from any delusions about this being an easy pregnancy.

Since the first, glorious time he moved within me, he had barely stopped, and the novelty and thrill of knowing that he was alive and well inside me had definitely lost some of its shine. I felt like I had been beaten to a bloody pulp by a prize fighter, only, from the inside... which I suppose is precisely what was happening. My belly was more swollen and distended so that I now appeared to be several months along, and I was absolutely covered in bluish-purple bruises. Every time I moved, the baby would thrash around some more, making it impossible for me to even get up to go to the toilet without being pummeled.

Then yesterday, I had started coughing up blood. Edward was again wearing what I had once heard Jacob refer to as 'the burning man' face; he looked as if he were being burned alive and no matter how hard I tried to hide the pain that I was experiencing from him, he wasn't convinced. Now he completely refused to leave my side for any reason at all, except to tend to Rosalice.

I missed my little girl so much. The only thing that comforted me was knowing that at this rate, my pregnancy would only last at maximum another three weeks, so I wouldn't have to miss out on too much. I held her as often as I could, but baby J's accelerated growth just seemed to take such a toll on me, sapping any and all energy that I would normally have and making me so tired that I seemed to sleep every couple of hours, waking only to eat and pee. Rose kept up a constant stream of movies for me to watch, and though I barely saw much of them, the background noise was a nice distraction.

The larger and weaker that I got, the more distant Alice had become... to the point where I barely even saw her any more. I knew she was spending a lot of time at the new house, but so were all the others, and I still saw them. I was sure that she must just have been avoiding entering the living room when she knew I was awake... which, granted, wasn't very often... but even when I was awake a few times she flitted through so quickly that I didn't even have time to call out her name before she was gone. Her avoidance really bothered me. I didn't want this to go on any longer, but I wasn't sure what to do about it.

Carlisle had decided that I needed my first infusion the afternoon that I first felt the baby move and I had been having one every day since. Edward sat on the arm of the chair, his arm around my bony shoulders in his weak attempt to distract me as Carlisle slid the needle into my wrist for the drip. I hissed in pain; gripping Edward's hand so tight that one of my nails cracked with the pressure. I instantly felt woozy and leaned my head back further down the sofa, so I was actually laying on the pile of pillows that Rose kept adding to and rearranging to keep me comfortable, but the movement upset Baby J, and I instantly forgot all about the needle pumping blood into my arm as a fresh barrage of fury attacked me from within.

He was so strong already... much stronger than Renesmee had been when I was only three weeks along and it had me scared. I had made a promise to Edward that if this pregnancy got to be too much for me, that I would be open to discussing the alternatives... which of course included that dreaded, awful decision that I knew I  
would never willingly make. I would rather die first... and Edward knew that... which I think was why he had made me promise. He wouldn't let this baby kill me.

I was well aware that we were basically back at square one... almost exactly where we had been five months ago, but I refused to even consider that this pregnancy would have a similar outcome. I was determined to see this baby born, one way or another and Edward just loved me too much to deny me anything. I was kind of counting on that. I knew he wouldn't force me this time.

The joy in his eyes as he spoke to me about our son... about our children, was like nothing I had ever seen on his face before. His love for them shone right out of his soul and I would make sure I was strong enough to be able to hand him his son, and give him the reality of his impossible dreams. Even if it was the last thing I ever did.

_**Edward**_  
My Bella was so many things; beautiful, independent, strong, courageous, but one thing she was definitely not was a good actress. I could tell she was in constant agony; her heart rate was unsteady, her blood pressure low, her breathing laboured and there was a whistling sound as she inhaled that worried me deeply... all signs of one thing; our little boy was already much too strong for her. Despite her promises, I knew she was determined to bring our son into the world, or die trying. But I refused to let the latter happen.

I had tried to communicate with our son. Bella at first found it very amusing, but was very quickly moved to tears as I placed both my hands carefully on her bruised, swollen belly and tried with both my voice and my mind to speak to our child, but nothing. Still, I knew his brain and thought functions wouldn't be completely formed as yet, so I didn't get discouraged from my lack of luck on the first try. I just wished I had been able to get through to him, and somehow ask him to try to take it a little bit easier on his mom.

She was still emotional about everything, which I knew was from the hormones of the pregnancy, but she got even worse when she held Rosalice, like she suspected that she wouldn't have much time left with her.

Rosalie was being amazing. I had actually never seen her be so attentive and caring towards someone else before; not since Emmett's transformation. And even then that wasn't the same as this. She held Bella's hand during the transfusions, constantly got up to change DVDs, or get her a fresh drink. She had even cooked Bella breakfast this morning, much to my surprise... which tripled when Bella told me that Rose had also cooked enough for Seth... though the generosity of her action was kind of lost when Rose served the eggs to him in a bowl on the kitchen floor.

The transfusion did seem to help her; her colour improved almost immediately, but as she sat up to take a sip of her glass of juice, the baby moved violently inside her... his actions clearly visible through her blackened skin. It was sickening to watch, but my ever loving Bella, even through the agony, tried to gently sooth him with her touch, rubbing her belly gently; unbidden tears streaming down her cheeks as she cooed to him, trying to calm him down.

I waited until Bella had fallen into a restless sleep before I left her in search of Alice. Bella hadn't told me anything, and Alice had been blocking her thoughts for days now, but I wasn't stupid... I knew there was something going on between them. They hadn't actually spoken to each other since Alice had told Bella about the baby. I could see how much this distance between them bothered Bella; she wore the pain on her face every time Alice breezed through the room without even glancing her way, and I was determined to find out once and for all what was going on.

I found her in Bella's bedroom, folding Rosie's laundry and stacking it in neat little piles on the bed. I stood in the doorway for a moment watching her work, her back to me, and I was just about to enter when I heard her thoughts.

_'I don't want to talk, Edward.'_

I entered the room and closed the door behind me. She turned to face me, her delicate features angry, but I could see hurt in her eyes.

"You are hurting Bella. Why won't you talk to her?"

She scoffed aloud, and turned quickly back to her folding, hiding her face from me, but I could see the pain in her mind.

"That sounds funny, coming from you, Edward. _I'm_ hurting _her_? What about what you two are doing to me? How do you think I am going to feel... and Mom, and everyone else... when we lose you both?"

I searched her mind, but she wouldn't let me in - she was suddenly focusing very hard on measuring out every inch of the floor plan of the new house in her head. I walked towards her and reached out, hugging her gently, pulling her back against my chest.

"You're not going to lose us, Alice."

She spoke so quietly, but the certainty in her voice was terrifying.

"Yes, we are."

I spun her quickly to face me. "What have you seen? Tell me."

She hung her head, avoiding my eyes, and shaking it in refusal.

"It doesn't matter, Edward. It's going to happen, because neither you nor Bella will choose to stop it."

I sighed angrily as the realisation hit me. "The baby?"

She nodded. I closed my eyes and took a step back, the shock almost enough to knock me over.

"Tell me what you saw, Alice."

She reluctantly started to speak, and the more she said, the weaker I felt.

"He's too strong for her, Edward. He's already much stronger than Renesmee. All that extra blood is making him grow so quickly, and her body can't take the beatings he is giving her. Every time he moves, he does more damage to her internal organs. She's dying already, Edward... he is breaking her, and she knows it... and once she's gone, you will go too."

I shook my head in denial. This was my worst fears coming true, and I couldn't let it happen.

"Is there any way to stop it?"

She threw me a desperate, almost pleading look, but I could tell in her mind that she didn't hold any hope there that I would choose it.

"Yes, there is one way..."

I growled at her. "I can't kill him, Alice. I may as well just kill Bella myself." I angrily paced the room, my fingers tearing at my hair, my mind racing over every possibility. I shook my head, refusing to believe that this was how this was supposed to be. I wouldn't lose her again... Rosie needed her. I needed her.

"Could he survive if we took him out now?"

She shook her head quickly. "No. Not yet. He's strong, but his organs aren't developed enough yet. He needs more time."

"How much time?" I demanded.

My sister shrugged sadly. "I don't know exactly... at least another week."

I eyed her carefully. "Does Bella have another week?"

Alice's eyes answered me. Neither words nor thoughts were needed.

"I have to talk to her," I spoke softly as I turned on my heel and slammed the door open. Alice followed me at a distance, but her thoughts weren't encouraging.

_'She won't listen'_

"I have to try."

_**Bella**_  
Edward's cold lips pressed against mine lovingly and urgently. I woke up groggy and disoriented to see his face only inches from mine, and his beautiful elfin sister behind him.

"Alice! Hi..." I grinned at her, attempting without even thinking to sit up. The baby smashed into me from within, knocking the wind out of me, and I fell back to the couch.

"Just lie down Bella, don't try to move."

As Edward helped me to get comfortable again, I caught sight of all the other people in the room; Seth, holding Rosie, standing with Esme by the door, Carlisle and Jasper near Alice. Rose, grim faced, standing behind the couch, towering protectively over me with Emmett at her side. They were all here. Somehow, I didn't think that was a good thing.

My hand shot instinctively to my belly, rubbing small, soothing circles over the bruised skin, caressing the energetic child within.

"What is it?" I spoke gently to Edward... when he didn't answer I turned my attention to Rose. "What's going on?"

Alice danced forward, and sat gracefully on the edge of the couch beside me. I yearned to pull her into a tight hug... I had just missed her so much... but I didn't dare make a move. I didn't want the whole family seeing the pain baby J caused me when I shifted my body. They all looked pretty serious already.

"Bella," spoke Carlisle, causing every head in the room to turn to him expectantly. "I thought we should all be here for this, as the outcome ultimately affects the whole family. We need to discuss the baby, and the effect his growth is having on your health."

I instantly stiffened. Nothing in that sentence sounded even remotely promising, and I was instantly certain that I did not want to have this conversation.

"Alice has had another vision, Bella, and it's not good."

I turned quickly to Alice, grasping her hands in mine, trying not to grimace as I felt the baby's limbs connecting with my ribs.

"What did you see, what's wrong with him?"

She shook her head sadly. "Nothing is wrong with him, Bella. He is fine. It's you we are worried about. Basically, if this pregnancy continues along this path, you will be dead in a matter of days. Your heart will fail, you won't be able to be turned... and then the baby will die too. He's not strong enough to survive yet, but if we leave him in there, you will both die."

Alice's words, though blunt, were the truth that I had been dreading to hear even since before I had decided to try for another pregnancy. I knew what this would mean... I knew the decision they would all try to convince me to make now that this had happened and for a moment, it all felt utterly hopeless. If the cost of his birth was my life, I could handle that, but if he was going to die too, then that made this all for nothing.

I vaguely became aware that Carlisle was speaking again, and I tried to focus on his words.

"The blood we're giving you is making him stronger, making him grow faster. Every time you move Bella, it makes your blood pump harder... it's like an adrenaline rush for him. At this rate he'll be fully grown in another few weeks, but your body cannot survive the constant barrage of his attacks. He has already punctured your lung, and he's putting incredible pressure on your heart."

I just sat there and absorbed this new knowledge. None of it really coming as a shock to me. I was more concerned about the clinical, professional type manner that Carlisle was using to explain it all... it gave me the impression that he was trying to distance himself... depersonalise it by going into 'doctor' mode... and anything that would intimidate Carlisle like that was something I didn't want to know about.

"Okay, so if the blood is an adrenaline rush for him, how do we calm him down? Will it help if we stop the infusions?"

Carlisle shook his head quickly. "No Bella, I don't think that will help at all. Starving him of the blood he needs to grow won't just slow him down, it will disadvantage you even more. Babies just take what they need from their mother's body. If he wants blood, he'll just take yours. It's the same with iron, protein, minerals... they don't go without anything they need. He's the same as a human baby in that respect."

I nodded automatically, taking in his words while simultaneously trying to come up with a solution. I was basically just thinking out loud when I mumbled something about 'finding a way to calm him down.' No sooner had the words left my mouth that Jasper's head snapped up, and Edward's loud gasp of realisation echoed through the room. Before I could blink, Jasper was beside me, kneeling next to Alice.

"Bella, do you mind if I try something? I will have to touch your belly, if that is okay?"

I had no idea where this was going, but nothing about Jasper scared or concerned me anymore, so I happily gave him a silent nod of approval. Edward moved closer, leaning over the back of the couch, gripping my hand tightly... hopefully... in his as Jasper carefully slid up my top, exposing my largely rounded, bruised belly, and gently splayed his fingers across my skin. His face changed to a look of intense concentration for a few moments, then he smiled. With his hands both still firmly pressed against me he turned his face towards mine, met my eyes with a grin, and commanded me to sit up. I obediently did as I was told, and was instantly surprised by the continued stillness within me. I  
grinned back at him.

"It worked?"

He just nodded.

"What did you do to him?" I was excited, but also a little scared. This had to be a good thing, right?

"I just pushed a wave of calm into him, made him relax. He's gone to sleep now. He's fighting me though... even in his sleep... I can feel a lot of resistance. He's amazingly strong."

With an excited smirk, I held his hands firmly against me as I slowly wriggled towards the edge of the couch and stood up. Jasper followed, easily keeping up with my cautious movements. For the first time in over a week I managed to walk a few steps across the living room without the fear of being doubled over in agonising pain.

Before I even realized what had happened I'd been pulled into a bone crushing hug by Rose, and I could barely make out one voice from another with the sudden echo of relief and exclamations of surprise from all of my family, but it was Edward who I focused on. For the first time in days, he looked happy. Gone was the stress, the expression of agonizing pain that he had worn since that day I first felt Baby J move. Ignoring the rest of the people in the room, he crossed the room to me, quicker than I could blink, and wrapped me into his relieved embrace, our lips meeting in a reassuring kiss.

I couldn't believe that it had been this easy. The agony that I had been in for the past week just so easily and quickly removed by what was to me just a simple touch. I laughed softly as I turned my head from Edward's kiss straight into planting a chaste peck on Jasper's cheek as I threw my arms around his neck in a slightly awkward hug, considering the position of his hands. Edward chuckled in my ear, not letting me move even an inch away from him.

"You realise that this means you won't be leaving my side for the next few weeks, don't you, Jazz?"

He nodded down at me, returning my hug one-armed while leaving the other one on my belly.

"No probs, darlin'... I'm just sorry I didn't figure it out sooner. I might have saved you some pain."

I laughed softly, shaking it off as if it had meant nothing... as if, a few minutes ago, I hadn't been weighing up my own life over that of my son. It was amazing just how quickly everything could change. "Ahh, it just makes me appreciate this even more, because now I know what you are saving me from. Thank you Jasper."

* * *


	27. Waiting

**Waiting**

_**Edward**_  
Watching my brother holding my beloved Bella in such an intimate way should have made me furious, but I couldn't find it in myself to be anything but grateful to him. He was sitting on the couch, leaning back against the arm, with his arms firmly locked around Bella's waist as she leaned back against his chest, her head resting on his shoulder as they watched a movie. To an outsider, they would have looked like a happy couple, resting together as they enjoyed the last months of a pregnancy.

As grateful as I was to my brother for eliminating Bella's suffering, I couldn't help but be cautious of his extended close proximity to Bella... especially during her daily infusions, when I could clearly hear Jasper's internal struggle with his thirst, but I had to give him credit where credit was due, he seemed to be handling himself very well. Aside from the occasional thought about how good she smelled, which admittedly, despite my lack of jealousy had made me instantly growl at him threateningly, he seemed very pleased to be such a huge help to Bella and I. For it was without a doubt that I knew that we owed him both Bella's and the baby's lives.

I kept trying to communicate with my son, and it both bothered and worried me that I couldn't. He responded beautifully to Jasper's empathic powers, but I couldn't hear him at all. Alice could see him quite clearly now... she could even see his face, and the first time I had seen him in her visions I was astounded at how similar he was to me. I was completely overwhelmed with a fatherly pride, but of course, I was unable to share that sight with my beloved, which had brought about a fresh wave of her tears.

The fact that everyone else's powers worked on Baby J... and that Carlisle could even get readings on him with his newly acquired ultrasound machine made me wonder if perhaps the baby shared his mother's power to block thoughts. I had always thought that Bella's ability to block me was a gift entirely unique to her, thus proving her compatibility with me, but if our son had it too, that meant it was genetic... but it also meant that our son was special, and already possessed powers and abilities to make him stand apart.

I couldn't wait to meet this amazing creature. I couldn't wait to hold him, care for him, watch him grow and teach him about our world. I was so excited about the chance to raise a supernatural child... the possibilities of his potential were endless.

I did have my fears though... and there was quite a long list of them. What if, after all this strain on her heart, Bella wasn't able to keep her heart beating long enough to be turned? Alice's visions were unclear in that regard. She could see the baby's birth, but there were decisions still to be made before Bella would be transformed... so Alice couldn't get a reading on when that would be, and the uncertainty worried me.

Then of course there were my fears about his thirst. He had already proven that his growth was linked to his blood intake, and he seemed to have a voracious appetite... so what if we couldn't control him? What if he couldn't be taught to blend in to society, the way that we all had... would we then have to keep him isolated from the world forever? And, one of the most worrying thoughts of all... what if he couldn't be trusted around Rosalice? I already adored my son, but I would not risk my daughter's safety around him, not until we had some definitive answers about whether his vampire or his human side were the most dominant.

My family all had their fears too, but thankfully they all seemed willing to wait until after his birth to meet him for themselves before they raised them. I didn't really feel like I was owed that luxury though and I longed to have a lengthy, private conversation with Bella about our plans for the future, but that wasn't exactly possible right now, given her dependence on Jasper.

A couple of times in the past week, Jasper had been able to temporarily break the connection between them, but only for a few minutes at most. Even simple, routine things like showering or going to the toilet were now impossible for Bella without Jasper's help. She had tried to endure a simple toilet visit on her own, but had to swallow the last shreds of her dignity and accept Jasper's help when she'd ended up writhing in pain on the tiled floor. Even the simple act of sitting had proven to be too much for her without his assistance.

I knew I would never be able to properly thank Jasper for the way he treated her. He tried his utmost to free her from embarrassment, and treated her with tremendous respect. I had always adored Jasper as a brother, but over the past few weeks I had developed a newfound admiration for him. His thirst was a constant issue in his mind, it had now been nearly 2 weeks since his last hunt, but there was just no possible way he could leave Bella to go hunting... she couldn't go five minutes without his aide... let alone several hours.

Carlisle and I began discussing ways that we could bring some blood in to him. Animal blood could be purchased in a tidy container from any butcher, and that seemed to be the easiest option... it wasn't ideal, but we could hardly bring a snow leopard home for him. Alice had generously offered to catch him the pair of Chihuahuas from apartment 6B; the yappy little rats had developed an intense dislike for Alice, and now barked incessantly whenever she was in the stairwell. I was quite sure that if the rest of us hadn't been around, Alice would have done away with the little beasts weeks ago, but she didn't want to draw attention to us. The fact that we were faster on the stairs than the time it took the elevator should have been clue enough to the other residents of the building, but surprisingly I hadn't heard any suspicion in any of their minds.

Carlisle didn't say it aloud, he didn't want it to sound condescending, but he was internally very proud of Jasper for the strength of will it took for him to be constantly so close, not just to Bella, but to all that blood, without showing any signs of weakness. Jasper could feel the pride coming off him in waves, and that was enough for him. He knew he was doing a good thing for us... and he knew how grateful we both were for his help.

I was pulled back from my thoughts by his fingers gently tapping my hand, and I looked up to see that my love had fallen asleep in his lap. I smiled at the sight of her. She really was the most amazing, incredible human I had ever met.

"Let's get her into bed?" I suggested in a whisper. Jasper just nodded.

In one movement I scooped her up into my arms, bridal style, and Jasper and I moved slowly together with her, into the almost bare bedroom. The majority of the furniture in the apartment had already been taken over to the manor, but we had decided to wait until we were under the cover of darkness before moving Bella... considering her limited movement, we didn't want to raise suspicion by being seen relocating a heavily pregnant woman... especially as everyone seemed to know everyone in this part of town, and anyone could easily remember having seen a very thin and normal looking Bella only weeks ago. I didn't even want to begin to try explaining that to the police.

I laid her down gently in the middle of the bed, watching as Jasper carefully manoeuvred his body to lie down beside her, his hand gently splayed across her massively distended belly. It didn't look quite so bad now... most of the bruising had gone, and what was left had faded to just a dull, yellow shading. Jaspers calming influence kept the baby in a constantly subdued state, so now he barely moved at all.

In a normal pregnancy, of course, that would have been cause for major concern, but with me, Carlisle and Jasper all continuously monitoring his hummingbird heart rate and daily growth, we knew he was in no danger. We just had to wait this out until he was strong enough to survive on his own.

Bella stirred as I laid her down, her arms instantly coming up around my neck as she pressed her lips to mine, seeking comfort. "Edward?"

"Yes my love... I'm here. Can I get you anything?"

Her eyes fluttered open, and I was a little shocked to see a sultry smile there. She ran her fingers gently through my hair as she pulled my face back to hers, and whispered against my lips.

"Just you. I want you to make love with me."

_'Holy Shit, Man... I can't be here for this.'_

I couldn't contain my chuckle against her lips at my brother's thoughts. Clearly Bella, in her semi-awake state, hadn't realised that we weren't alone.

"That could be interesting, Love... but I didn't know you were into threesomes?"

For a fraction of a second Bella looked confused, until she saw Jasper's hand appear out of nowhere to slap me, hard, up the back of the head. She instantly buried her head into the crook of my neck to hide her embarrassment. She mumbled 'Oh My God' under her breath, completely mortified, into my shoulder. Jasper just chuckled, rubbing her belly affectionately.

"Don't be embarrassed Bella, I've been feeling those urges coming off you for days now... I'm actually surprised it's taken you this long to voice them."

Despite his reassurances, Bella refused to bring her head out of hiding. Jasper met my gaze, and spoke with his mind.

_'The baby is asleep... and as long as she doesn't move, he should stay that way. I'm going to give you two some time alone."_

I nodded gratefully... knowing that I wouldn't be granting Bella her wish, but it would be nice just to have a few minutes alone with her. "Don't go far... just in case."

He nodded, smiled, then was gone, closing the door behind him.

_**Bella**_  
I heard Edward's words, then I heard the door close... only then did I dare to open my eyes. Edward stared down at me expectantly, my favourite lopsided grin on his face.

I hung my head shyly. "Don't laugh at me."

Edward leaned in to me, holding me very still while he kissed my embarrassment  
away.  
"Never, Love. I would never laugh at you. Now my brother on the other hand... the fear in his mind at the idea of us actually doing that in front of him... that was priceless."

I couldn't help a small chuckle, though I was still sure I would never be able to look Jasper in the eyes again after this pregnancy. It was bad enough that he had to help me pee... and of course he was a perfect gentleman the couple of times that I had been desperate enough to brave the shower, with Alice's help of course. She had come up with the idea of throwing a towel over his head so that he couldn't see me, which seemed to work quite well for all of us, but now that he'd heard me wantonly beg my husband to have sex with me, I was quite sure that our harmless friendship would never be the same again.

Although, now that he was out of the room, I didn't force my mind to linger on worries about Jasper for too long. My ridiculously insatiable itch that I had been feeling since day one of this pregnancy hadn't gone away just because the baby had gotten active... Jasper's constant presence had just been a considerable deterrent.

But, now that he was out of the room...

"Please, Edward... will you?"

Edward kissed me gently, his arm grazing gently across my tender breasts as he reached to hug me, which only served to heighten my arousal. "Love, I don't think it's such a good idea. If you move at all..."

"Please, I need you to touch me... I need you so much that it aches..."

Despite my arousal, I was actually close to bursting into tears again. These damned hormones were uncontrollable; I could feel the tears building up in my eyes and then bliss came over me in a sudden wave, and I relaxed my body and gave myself up entirely to the feeling of Edward's compliant hands and mouth. He quickly removed my sweat pants, and pushed Emmett's shirt as far up as he could without me having to move. He placed a trail of sweet, soft kisses across my belly, heading slowly north, and just as his beautifully skilled mouth claimed my breast, his long gentle fingers brushed across my inner thighs and up into my moist, swollen centre.

I sighed aloud; a shiver flowing through me involuntarily.

"Just don't move, Love."

I mumbled something that was supposed to be for the affirmative in response and let my body relax back into the soft mattress. I tried... I tried very hard not to move my body at all, but after several glorious minutes of Edwards attention being focussed on certain parts of my body, I could not prevent my back from arching with my orgasm... and as the wave of pleasure tore through me, an equally intense wave of pain tore through my belly... but it was worth it nonetheless. I mumbled my heartfelt and intense gratitude to Edward as he carefully redressed me and tucked me into bed. I was so gloriously spent, I had the best night sleep that I'd had all week.

Sometime before dawn, Edward and Jasper carried me down to the car and transported me to the new house. I barely remember the trip there, but I came instantly awake as I heard the crackling of the intercom when we pulled up at the gates of our new home. I was sitting comfortably in the back seat in Jasper's arms as Edward drove, and  
after being buzzed through the gates I sat back expectantly, waiting for the sight of this new house to come into view. When it did, my mouth dropped open in shock. I was absolutely astounded by the sight before me... for while I had heard plenty about the new house from all my family, this was the first time I had actually been here.

The house itself looked like something out of a horror movie. It was a vast, sprawling mansion. With the high ceilings and every shuttered window shining with artificial light, I honestly wouldn't have been surprised to see a moat and a drawbridge as we drew up in front of the house. The front door opened, and I half expected to see the Addams family step outside to greet us, but it was only the regular, harmless Cullen's; the new friendly neighbourhood vampires. I laughed in spite of myself.

Jasper lifted me out of the car and carried me up the front steps towards the beaming family. Edward took my hand on the left, while Jasper supported my belly and my back from the right, and the three of us walked into the massive, open entry hall. The ceiling inside was three stories high, with a gigantic crystal chandelier hanging right in the centre. The floor tiles were mosaic, and set in a spiral pattern to match the twisting form of the chandelier. A grand, dual staircase curved up onto the higher levels, and doors and hallways led off in every direction. I was absolutely dumbfounded. I had never before seen a house so extravagant... even the Cullen's house in Forks looked like a modest little shack compared to this place.

I turned in a slow circle, taking everything in, but even though Jasper stayed with me, as I was turning a strange feeling went through me. It was like a rush of warmth that started at the top of my belly and dripped down... then I gasped aloud as I suddenly realised it was coming out of me. My clothes were suddenly drenched and I was standing in a puddle of watery blood in the middle of the beautiful new hallway. With terror in my eyes and heart, I met Edward's gaze... just as a strong, crippling pain shook through me, and I would have collapsed if not for both Edward's and Jasper's strong arms around me.

"Carlisle..." Edward bellowed his father's name, even though the doctor was already standing right beside him. Edward gently laid me down on a dry patch of tiles whilst Carlisle examined me, all of them speaking in hushed, urgent tones.

Jasper's hands had never left my belly, but all of a sudden they weren't doing anything. I was in agony. There was a squeezing, pressing pain shooting right  
through me, and nothing was making it stop. Edward tried to soothe me with his voice, but I was well beyond finding comfort in that.

"Carlisle... what is wrong?" Edward's voice was frantic with worry as I writhed on the floor in his arms. I couldn't even open my eyes to meet his fathers gaze, but just hearing the words that came next were enough.

"Nothing's wrong son. Bella's water just broke. She's in labour."

* * *


	28. Miracle

**Miracle**

_**Edward**_  
I scooped Bella into my arms and flew up the stairs, not missing for a moment the fact that this situation held many similarities to the last time I had done this with my very pregnant wife in my arms, but this time the outcome would be vastly different, I would make sure of it. Carlisle had set up a few rooms in the west wing as his study and medical rooms, one of which was a delivery suite, and it was there that I headed, laying her gently down on the padded table. Carlisle was right behind me, switching on the ultrasound machine. Bella screamed and writhed on the table with the pain of another contraction.

Jasper stood beside me, his hands still on Bella's belly, keeping the baby calm, but the pain this time wasn't coming from the baby moving... it was from her uterus contracting. Bella's body was preparing to push out our child, but there was no way she could. He was too strong, and too big. At best, he would break her pelvis as he passed through. At worst... I didn't want to think about it.

I could hear Carlisle's mind going over how he wanted this to go, and while I completely understood his desire to be cautious, I wasn't going to stand here and watch him try to get more pictures of the baby while Bella was in agony. The baby needed to come out NOW.

"No time, Carlisle... just get him out," I growled at my father, my mind made up.

"Edward..."

"The baby is fine... just get him out. NOW, Carlisle."

As if to punctuate the necessity for haste, as I spoke his name Bella's bloodcurdling scream of pain echoed throughout the small room, and we could all smell the fresh wave of blood that gushed out from between her legs. Carlisle would have argued with me, but the determination and pure fear he could see in my eyes convinced him otherwise.

Within seconds he was ready.

I felt a sickening twist in my gut as I watched Carlisle slip a morphine needle through Bella's skin. I felt like an idiot for arguing with my father. He was quite possibly the most experienced Doctor in the world, but I just couldn't stand to see my Bella suffer like this. I could still hear the baby's heart beat... it had increased very slightly from what it normally was, but definitely not enough to concern me.

What concerned me was the almost constant stream of blood that was now continuously leaking out of Bella. We had to stop that bleeding immediately, one way or another.

Carlisle was worried. He wanted to wait as long as possible to give the morphine a chance to work, but Bella's blood loss was too alarming.

_'I need to find where this blood is coming from, Edward... I have to do an internal examination...?'_

My temper raged at the thought of anyone else touching Bella there, but now wasn't the time for misplaced jealousy.

"It's not my body... ask her."

"Bella. I need to do an internal..."

"Just do it Carlisle, please? Hurry up and get him out of me."

Bella's face was twisted in pain and covered in a thin sheen of sweat. She had one hand firmly gripping Jasper's wrist as he tried to control the baby, but I could hear that his mind wasn't fully focussed on calming the child... not when Bella was bleeding so heavily, and he hadn't fed in weeks. I growled a harsh warning at him.

"If you can't control your thirst, then get out now."

Jasper glared back at me, clearly insulted.

"I'm not going to lose control, Edward. That isn't just blood, it's Bella. I can't hurt her now, any more than you can."

I couldn't hear any contradicting thoughts in his mind, but I still couldn't completely let my guard down, just in case.

Bella pulled me from my thoughts by gripping my arm and pulling towards her with more strength than I ever knew she had. Her eyes were bloodshot, fearful and determined.

"Please... Just get him out of me NOW."

As she spoke I watched her bear down with her body, and push. Carlisle held the scalpel over her belly in his blood drenched hands, waiting for the contraction to stop. As soon as it did, he lowered it, cutting neatly along the same line I had created there five months ago, then deftly tore the placenta open with his teeth.

I don't know when Esme and Alice had come into the room... had they been there all along?... but suddenly I noticed them both standing by the table; Alice up near Bella's head, stroking her forehead with a cloth, trying to cool her down, and Esme standing opposite my father, assisting with his delivery of my child.

I felt so helpless. All I could do was just stand there and watch. I was in too much shock to be of any assistance to my father... and I was quite sure that nothing that I did would be able to reduce any of Bella's pain even one iota... so I did the only thing I could do in that moment. I placed one hand gently above Bella's heart, and with the other, cupped her chin, stroking it gently, lovingly with my fingertips.

"You stay with me now, Bella... you hear. You have to stay with me. No matter what, Love... you keep your heart beating so we can all be a family, ok? None of this means anything without you." I lowered my lips gently to hers, trying to focus on nothing else that was going on in the room but the sound of my beloved wife's heart beat.

"Stay with me, Bella."

She nodded, and smiled up at me. "I'm not going anywhere."

Our eyes locked and we were suddenly alone together, laying side by side in our meadow, the grass at our backs and the sun on our faces. There was nothing in the world but us two. Then we heard a sound that was the sweetest music we could possibly have heard. In that moment I felt like I could read Bella's mind, for every single thought was  
suddenly clear as day, shining out of her stunning brown eyes.

Relief, bliss, joy, astonishment, disbelief, rapture, pride and glory.

It was the cry of our newborn son.

Bella and I both turned toward the sound to see a very emotional Esme standing with our blood soaked, naked child in her hands. I instantly reached for him, taking him gently from my mother and placing him straight onto Bella's chest. He was just perfect... ten little fingers and toes, and we all seemed to be stunned into a revered silence as Carlisle quickly clipped his umbilical cord before turning his attention back to Bella's wound. I leaned down to place a soft kiss on my beloved's cheek, and was fascinated to see my son watching my every move with his brightly inquisitive eyes. He had only cried out the once as he was ripped from his warm, safe cocoon... and now he just stared inquisitively up at us... his breath coming in quick pants.

Bella's face teemed with tears of joy, and her quiet sobs drew the baby's attention to her face. He turned his stunningly deep brown eyes upon her and reached out one tiny hand to touch her cheek. Instantly Bella's tears stopped... no, not just 'stopped'... it was like they had never been there in the first place. Every head in the room was now on Bella, stunned at the sudden change in her behaviour.

Bella grinned down at our little boy, and nodded.

"Okay... if that's what you want," she said gently to him, cuddling him into her chest. I stared at her, stunned.

"What was that?" Jasper asked, before I could open my mouth.

"He didn't like seeing me cry, so I just stopped. He erased the tears."

Jasper stared, confused, his eyes flickering from me to Bella, then to the baby, and back again. "So what, did he control your emotions to make you stop crying? I couldn't feel any emotion behind what he did?"

Bella shook her head, confidently grinning down at the beautiful little boy on her chest, who was now gently stroking his tiny hand back and forth across her collarbone.

"No. It wasn't emotional. It was in his mind. He told me... in my mind... not to be upset. He told me that everything was going to be okay. I believe him."

_'Mental telepathy... is it just with Bella, or can he do it to all of us?'_

I flashed my eyes to my brother, giving him a small, imperceptible shrug in response. I wasn't sure yet. I couldn't know the extent of the boy's powers until we'd tested them a  
little... which I didn't know how to do, considering I couldn't get any reading on his mind. Jasper was nervous as he glanced back at the baby.

I glanced quickly around the room at the varying expressions of amazement and disbelief on the faces of my family, catching glimpses of all their thoughts as they all bombarded me at once. But it was Carlisle's thoughts in particular that gave me pause. I met his eyes across the table and nodded briefly once, showing him that I completely agreed with him... we would certainly have to be very careful here, if there was indeed truth to the conclusions of both our thoughts.

_'Mind control.'_

The sudden thought of the Volturi, and the extent of what Aro would do to have my son on his side made me shudder. We would have to be very careful indeed.

_**Bella**_  
I slowly came back into consciousness, becoming aware bit by bit of the small details by way of a quick, mental inventory; I could feel my limbs, the light blanket over my legs, and the dull throb in my lower belly... my flat belly. For a fraction of a second I felt panic. My bump was gone.

_No, this couldn't happen again._

But then my rational mind took over as I realised how right I was... this couldn't happen again. Of course it couldn't... Edward wouldn't allow it. Then the memories of the birth of my perfectly beautiful son came back to me, and I smiled. I had done it. I had survived my baby Jacob.

I opened my eyes slowly, needing a moment for them to adjust to the dim lighting in the room before I realised that I wasn't alone. When I saw Alice's face, I knew everything was fine. Edward and Carlisle had flatly insisted that I get some rest after I'd spent almost an hour getting to know my son... which had included a beautiful introduction of him to his sister... and apparently Alice had decided to watch over me as I slept.

I had held Jacob in my arms, against my chest, as Edward had cautiously approached with Rosalice cradled in his left arm... his right arm free, and arched in a protective shield over the little girl. I almost laughed at the absurdity of Edward's precautionary behaviour, Jacob wouldn't hurt Rosie any more than Edward would... and it bothered me a little that Edward didn't seem to have the same connection with our son as I had. It didn't seem fair that I would be able to know our son's thoughts and intentions so purely, while no one else could. I wondered why, and how, this was even possible. I was just a human, I had no special powers... so why were Jacob and I so uniquely linked?

It took me a few minutes to convince Edward to let me hold both the babies at the same time, and even then, he and Jasper hovered ridiculously close, ready to lunge if Rosie seemed in danger... but I knew that wouldn't happen. Her brother just wanted to meet and get to know her... and when he reached out his tiny hand and grasped hers, palm to palm, she laughed aloud for the first time. He grinned, obviously happy to have caused the bubbling sound of pleasure from his sister, and as he did so I caught my first glimpse of his mouthful of perfectly formed, tiny but very sharp looking teeth.

Carlisle and Edward had begun talking very fast then... wanting to take his measurements and weight and do some tests on him... which included checking to see if he was venomous. It didn't really surprise me that Jacob had understood exactly what they were talking about, and when Edward reached for him, he extended his arms expectantly, eager for his father's embrace, already resigned to the prospect of being examined. I'd seen a brief flash of something go between them, then Esme handed Rosie to Rose, and carried me up another staircase to what appeared to be my bedroom.

I was now desperate to know how the tests had gone, and stared at Alice expectantly, but she just continued to grin at me like a Cheshire Cat. I couldn't help but return the smile. Oh how I had missed my dear friend Alice.

Before I realised that she had moved, Alice was beside me on the bed, gripping my upper body cautiously yet crushingly in her friendly embrace. I laughed, shocked at the sudden hug, but quickly returned it, half laughing and half crying at the knowledge that I had my old Alice back. I knew she'd held a grudge for the way I went about Jacob's conception, and I knew she had feared for our lives during the pregnancy, but this hug felt like it put an end to all that... it was forgiving, and accepting... and warm.

I laughed. "I guess this means we're friends again?"

She pulled back a little so that I could see her stunningly beautiful face pulled into a frown. "We never stopped being friends Bella. I just couldn't bear to watch you die. I don't know why I hadn't seen that Jasper could have helped you... maybe it was because none of us knew. It wasn't a decision that needed to be made... the path that you were on would have led to your death, and the baby's, and Edward's. Jasper's ability to help the baby changed all that, but I didn't see it coming. I don't understand it."

A voice surprised us both from the doorway, and we turned to see Edward and Jasper standing there, with Jacob nestled snugly in his Daddy's strong arms, and Rosie cuddled against Jasper's chest. They had obviously bathed him before they dressed him in a thick blue onesie, and now his stunning features were even more clear and prominent. He had a mess of bronze coloured hair, exactly the same colour as Edward's... shining alabaster skin, and deep dark brown, soulful eyes.

Except for those eyes, he was a perfect miniature replica of Edward.

"This little guy has been controlling everything, it seems. His abilities are vast, and numerous, and we still haven't even begun to discover what he can do. Alice, I think it's fairly safe to assume that any problems or holes in your visions have been because of Jacob. We've also discovered that he can turn on and off his ability to block me from his mind. Carlisle is calling it a 'shield' defence, and it seems to work on Jasper's powers too."

I grinned up at my husband... shocked at the news of their discoveries, but also a little surprised that he knew our son's name. I had never actually told him that the 'J' was for Jacob... and while I supposed that it was a pretty obvious guess, Edward seemed to speak it with more confidence than as if he had guessed it. Alice picked up on it too, and beat me to the question.

"Jacob what? What is his middle name?"

I opened my mouth to answer, but again I was beaten to it... this time by Edward.

"He has two middle names, actually. He is 'Jacob Edward Jasper Cullen'... but he would prefer to be called JJ."

My mouth dropped open in shock, and Edward grinned at me as he crossed the room with JJ to sit on the bed, carefully passing the baby into my waiting arms.

"How did you...? Can you hear him now?"

Edward stroked his finger down the baby's chubby white cheek. "Only when he wants me to." His voice lowered to a whisper as he pressed his cheek against mine... softly punctuating each word with a chaste kiss across my jaw. "He is extraordinary, Bella. Thank you... thank you for giving him to us. Thank you for giving me such an amazing son."

I smiled back, pulling away just enough to turn my face into his kiss, inhaling his sweet scent as I returned his passionate kiss. When I looked up again Alice and Jasper were gone, and my precious Rosie was gurgling happily, laying on the end of the bed. Edward quickly reached down the bed to scoop her up into his arms. Poor Jasper, I'd put him through so much lately, what with the pregnancy, the 'human' moments and the PDA, but I just couldn't find it in myself to feel bad for him... though I knew I would have to find a way to properly thank him for all his help. I knew that none of this would have been possible without him, and I loved him dearly for it, but I was also hoping that he would grant me one more favour.

Because now that I had survived this pregnancy human, against all odds, and safely brought my son into the world, I knew that there was one more thing I had to do before I could be turned... and I would have to do it quickly. I only had another seven months before my 20th birthday, and I had already decided that that would be the deadline, pardon the pun. I had accepted that I would be two years older than Edward, but if he was trapped for eternity as a teenager, then dammit, I was adamant that I would be too.

So I only had seven months.

I knew it could be done.

* * *


	29. Alterations

** Alterations **

_Six months, 2 weeks and 5 days later..._

_**Bella**_  
I had chosen the date for my transformation so that it coincided with the one year anniversary of my daughter's death. It seemed strangely fitting to me that I should leave my mortal life on the same day that she had. I still missed Renesmee, I still mourned for her, but the presence of my other children was certainly helping me heal.

As the date had drawn closer, I had been spending more and more time thinking about my firstborn, determined to keep my memories of her as strong and clear in my brain as was possible after my transformation. I knew that, a hundred years on, Edward's human memories of his parents were fuzzy at best, and I was more terrified of the idea of forgetting Renesmee than I was of the prospect of burning for three days. I had been focusing on this anniversary for months, but now that it was mere hours away, I couldn't deny that I had my trepidations - not just about turning - also about Edward's reaction to how I wanted to be turned. His carefully laid plans were quite different to how I had fantasised it.

I loved my life now. My days were full and exciting... Edward and I spent every minute with our babies, learning new things about them, and teaching them new things about the world. We'd discovered very quickly that Jacob's physical growth was actually linked to the amount of blood he consumed... we could almost set a clock by him actually... if he had a drink, within six hours he would have had a growth spurt. We limited his blood feeds to once a week now, since he seemed to thrive on human food anyway, but we couldn't eliminate the blood completely. My son was far from being human, he still had a thirst.

Just as a precaution, we had decided to allow Seth to take Rosalice back to La Push for a week's vacation. He had been dying to go see his mother, and we knew Rosie was just as safe with him as she was with any of us, well, particularly this week, as there would be a bloodthirsty newborn vampire in the house. Still, the idea of handing over my not-quite nine month old baby to anyone for such a prolonged period bothered me more than I would have liked, but I had to be rational. I wouldn't risk her safety for anything.

We would take Jacob to Rose and Em's house later this afternoon, after we had taken Rosie and Seth to the airport, then it would finally be showtime. I couldn't wait. Finally tonight, I would become a _real_ Cullen.

**_Edward_**  
For someone who was essentially about to die a very slow and painful death, Bella was downright chipper. She bounced around the room for most of the morning, playing with Rosie and letting Jacob help her pack their suitcases for their trips. Fall in Washington was bound to be cool and wet, so Rosie's suitcases were packed with warm, thick quilted onesies, beanies, mittens and long underwear; and Jacob's with robust but stretchable fabric jeans and turtlenecks, sweat pants and jackets. Our little man didn't feel the cold or the heat much, but no matter what we dressed him in we could almost guarantee that he would only get one wear out of them... his incredible strength, rapid growth and supernatural speed were too much for mere mortal fabrics to withstand for long. Alice didn't seem to mind much; shopping for the babies had practically become her full time job.

Rose and Emmett had only moved out a week ago, and while we all understood perfectly their reasons for wanting their own space, the manor just didn't feel the same without them. It amazed me how close Bella and Rosalie had grown over the past year. I understood now that my whole family had been changed by the inclusion of Bella in our lives, but none more so than my sister. She would be grateful to Bella every single day for the rest of time, for Bella had given her a gift of love that she had never thought possible, or ever dreamed to imagine that someone would be selfless enough to give. My sister's whole world had been dramatically altered forever, and she'd never been happier.

After our tearful goodbyes at the airport, we drove in silence to the grand old house at the northern end of town that Rose and Emmett had purchased back in January, but had only finished renovating just last month. Rose had been very specific about how she wanted the house - from the brand new kitchen, complete with all the latest hi-tech appliances, to the 6 car garage where she had arranged a workshop. I had laughed so hard when I had seen her latest automobile purchase... I never, never in a million years thought I would find my sister behind the wheel of an SUV minivan. Goodbye ostentatious, Hello Soccer-mom.

Jacob was out of the car and through the front door before I'd even put the Volvo in 'park', leaving Bella and I to grab his cases, and all the toys that he had insisted upon bringing, although we all knew that he would spend all his time either helping his Aunty Rose fix cars, or playing the Xbox with Uncle Em.

We heard footsteps on the stairs and the soft cooing of a baby, and turned to see Emmett in the doorway, grinning down at the beautiful, dark haired baby girl in his arms. Bella grinned at the sight of her, and instantly stepped to Emmett's side, leaning over her, cooing softly, and stroking her silken soft skin. This little girl, so different to our own two beautiful children, still held a very special place in her heart. She had been Bella's special gift to Rosalie.

Rose was there in a flash, claiming her child, snuggling her into her chilled embrace, beaming down at the little girl with more love and adoration than I had ever before seen on her face. She was such a wonderful mother. Little Emmalie was very lucky to have them both.

**_Bella_**  
I knew I'd made the right decision when I had decided to be a surrogate for Rosalie and Emmett's child. Everyone had opposed the idea at first... except for Rose of course... but eventually, several weeks after Jacob's birth, I had managed to get Carlisle to agree to look into the possibilities of it. I suggested that we could use a human donor egg from a woman who looked like Rose, fertilise it with Emmett's sperm, then I could just carry the child for them. I knew Jasper would help me again, if his help was needed, and I wouldn't have any problems giving the child over to Em and Rose because she wasn't made by me, so she had never belonged to me to begin with. She was my last accomplishment as a human, and every time I looked at her I was proud anew of the strength it had taken me to hand her over to her parents after her birth.

Yeah, okay, I knew my idea was crazy. I had barely survived through two pregnancies with my own babies, so to even attempt to do this for someone else could very possibly classify me as clinically insane, but every time I began to doubt my strength I would see that urgent, loving sadness in Rosalie's face as she watched me with my children, and I just knew that I had to do this for her. After experiencing for myself the power of a mother's love for her child I couldn't deny her that same love.

Edward didn't just think I was crazy, he was actually mad that I would even consider putting my life at risk for Rose. Sure, he loved her as a sister, but he just couldn't understand my reasoning for wanting to do something so special for Rose, who had quite plainly been a complete bitch to me from the very beginning. 

Rose's behaviour towards me in the past had come from her own insecurities and wariness of letting someone in to her family, a feeling I could now completely understand and appreciate given the complexities of the family and the way they had to live, and I loved her now as much as I loved any of them. I would do this for any of them, but it was Rose who was the neediest, the most desperate to be a mother, and I was the only person who could do this for her.

So, once I had Carlisle on board with the whole surrogacy plan, the rest was fairly easy. It didn't take him long at all to find a donor egg from a tall, stunning, blue eyed blond woman who, from her photo, seemed to even have a similar facial bone structure to Rose... but as it turned out that caution was unnecessary, as Emmalie mostly resembled her father. Emmett had found the whole idea of jizzing in a cup to be hilarious, but I could tell that he was just as thrilled with the chance to be a parent as Rose was. Being a mom had been Rose's dream for so long, and Emmett was so in love with her and so willing to give her anything, that it had invariably become his dream too.

Of course, even then, there were no guarantees. Both of my previous pregnancies had been so different that we just couldn't know what to expect the third time around. But as it turned out I hadn't needed Jasper's help at all; this third one was the easiest of the lot... and by far the longest. We couldn't actually pinpoint why, but my pregnancy with Emmalie ended up being almost exactly four and a half months... half the length of a normal human pregnancy, but three times longer than Jacob.

When she was born she was tiny, and even now, at three weeks old, she wasn't much larger than a human baby would be at the same age. She was very petite, and very sweet natured, but aside from her slightly accelerated growth she appeared to be mostly human. She had very little desire for blood, and she certainly hadn't shown any other powers at all... well, not at first anyway.

Then a few days ago, Rose and I had been sitting with the three babies in the nursery at the manor. Esme had just brought up Emmalie's bottle, but it needed to cool for a few minutes before it was right for the baby. Well, Emmalie hadn't wanted to wait... she'd given one, very feminine sounding little grunt, and as we all watched on in gobsmacked amazement, the bottle had lifted itself magically into the air and floated the short distance over to the bassinet where Emma was snuggled on the floor next to Rosalie... flipped itself over and tucked the teat neatly between the babies lips, her tiny hands coming up automatically to support it, a gleam of accomplishment on her pale face. We'd only seen her do it that once, but that one time was enough to convince us that Emmalie was telekinetic; she could move and control things with the power of her mind.

A bizarre pissing contest had sprung up between Edward and Emmett over the origin of Emmalie's powers; Emmett's pride had shot through the roof, and his goofy happy dance that his daughter wasn't 'normal' had driven us all mad for hours, until Edward shot him down, saying that Emma's powers must have come from my 'ultra potent womb' and clearly had nothing to do with Emmett's little swimmers, since Emmett didn't have any powers himself. It was clear to the rest of us that Edward was teasing his brother to stir up trouble, but none of us were expecting the raw fury that burst from Emmett at the notion that Emmalie might have her powers due to any of Edward's left over 'power residue' in my womb, and they had been at each other throats for days now.

Rose and I found it hilarious, to us the whole conversation was ludicrous, but the boys just wouldn't let it go. I could still feel some animosity in the air between them today, but thankfully they didn't bring it up. I don't know if I could have coped with them fighting today, I was too upset to find the humour in it.

It was very late when I finally managed to tear myself away from my son. Actually, I was not sure I would have left at all if Jacob hadn't made me. His thoughts were kind, understanding and loving, and then as my feet were dragging my unwilling body out of the door he told me in my mind that _'Daddy would give me my wish',_ then he smiled.

I smiled back for a moment, then his meaning clicked in my head and I gasped, mortified that my son had heard my fantasy in my head. _'Oh God,'_ I thought back to him, chidingly. _'You understand way too much for a six month old, Jacob.'_

My son, all 2 feet 2 inches of him, winked at me.

_**Edward**_  
Bella was in a quiet reverie by the time we got home, but I refused to let her somber mood alter my resolve. I knew, without a shadow of a doubt, that this was what she wanted.

Immortality. An unlimited lifetime to spend with her family. I would give her anything in the world, anything at all, but still, the knowledge that I would be the one who ended her life made me shudder.

I carried her up to our rooms and lay her gently in the middle of our king sized bed, but she wouldn't release her hold on me. I smiled down at her, my sweet, beloved Bella, keeper of my heart, and arranged my body alongside hers on the bed, delighting in the feel of her warm, pliable flesh pressed against mine.

"Edward, I need to ask you something." She sounded cautious, unsure.

"Anything, Love."

She hesitated, fumbling for the right words. I stroked her face gently with my fingertips, not rushing her, just waiting for her to be ready to speak.

"Since I first met you, I have fantisised about how you would turn me. I have it all planned out in my head how I want it to happen. I want it to be passionate and intimate... so what better way than while we are making love? I want this to happen in the throes of our passion, Edward... not on a table with your father watching over us. I want you to kiss me," she sighed aloud as I instantly complied with that request. "Then I want you to bite my neck. I want you to turn me while you make love to me."

I groaned in disproval, shaking my head against her. "Love, once I taste you, I might not be able to stop. That's the only reason I wanted Carlisle there..."

She shook her head, smiling confidently up at me.

"You can do this, Edward. I trust you."

I frowned. "Bella..."

"Please?"

Dammit, there was that word again. I couldn't deny her anything for long anyway, but her begging was my instant undoing. I nodded, silently agreeing to anything and everything she desired as I started to kiss my way across her jaw, praying that I would have the strength to stop drinking from her, before it was too late. She had too much faith in me... she always had.

I searched the house for my father's mind... finding him thankfully in this same wing, just one floor below us, preparing his surgical room for yet another spillage of my Bella's sweet blood, but this time he wouldn't need it. I could hear in his thoughts that he had heard Bella's request, and he shared her faith in me to be able to do this without mishap. Still, I was grateful that he was nearby, just incase I needed him.

She rolled towards me, capturing my lips in a seemingly desperate kiss as her fingers quickly worked away the buttons on my shirt, then splayed her fingers across my firm chest, stroking my skin, her hungry mouth following the patterns that her fingers had just traced as she nibbled and licked her way across my torso. I moaned in delight and stretched back to my full length on the bed, just letting her do as she wished. I would have to be utterly insane to stop this.

I was too focused on the feeling of her tongue lapping at my navel to even realise that she had undone my pants, and I had to fight to keep myself still as she quickly took me inside her mouth, swirling her tongue around the head of my penis. Then just as quickly she sat up, ripping her top over her head in one smooth movement and just as aggressively kicked off her jeans.

I was a little surprised, it's not that Bella was ever actually restrained in her behaviour in the bedroom, but this sudden aggressiveness was a bit much, even for her. Not that I was complaining...

"Bells?"

She sighed as her eyes met mine, and the urgency in her tone was palpable. "I hate being apart from them, Edward. I feel so empty. I need you inside me, now." 

I just nodded my consent, and her hands glided smoothly over my chest as she straddled my hips to take me deep within her, releasing an instant shudder and a soft sigh as she suddenly flooded around me, and I groaned with the effort of holding myself back. Her lips traced patterns across my skin, up my neck, drawing my earlobe between her lips... then she bit me.

I pulled my face marginally away so I could meet her now mirthful eyes, and she held my questioning gaze as she lowered her open mouth to my chin, and bit me again.

Of course there was no actual pain from her teeth, they didn't even scratch my skin, but the sensation felt unbelievably erotic against my skin, and I actually arched into  
her as she repeated the action, quite firmly, on my right nipple.

I couldn't help but moan. "Hmm, you're feisty tonight, Love."

She nodded, grinning, and raised my left hand to her mouth, sucking one of my long pale fingers between her lips, swirling her tongue around and around it, drawing it in and out of her mouth, her eyes hooded seductively... then she sucked down the length of it until the tip of my finger was just between her lips and bit it, hard.

Fuck, this was turning me on. I carefully rolled us both over, her legs locked tightly around my hips to keep me inside her as we moved, and I couldn't help but push myself deeply into her warm, welcoming wetness. God, she felt so wonderful surrounding me.

I moved slowly inside her, and she arched to meet my every thrust, clenching her muscles around me as her body released a little more of her arousal, lubricating my movement inside her. I would miss this - her warm body, her hot breath as she panted my name in the throes of her passion, and her satiated little slumbers that usually immediately followed our lovemaking while our bodies were still entangled; hers pulsating and quivering with little aftershocks as she recovered.

But this time I would draw this out as long as I could; give my love as much pure pleasure as I possibly could before I left her burning for days. She already knew what my answer would be. I had never been able to deny her anything, and despite my fear of losing control, I would rather keep this personal and private between us too... it was a very intimate thing... the only thing holding me back was my fear. But if she trusted me...

"Love, are you sure this is what you want? I could kill you..."

She laughed softly and slapped me on the arm. "Well yeah, that's kind of the plan..."

I growled. "You know that's not what I mean."

"Edward." She gripped my face tightly between her palms and made me meet her beautiful brown eyes. "This is all I have ever wanted, to be with you forever. I'm not afraid. I trust you. Edward, Please?" 

Her voice dropped to a husky whisper that made my cock twitch. "Bite me, Edward."

I groaned against her neck, my head fighting my heart as I pulled my lips back, exposing my lethal, razor sharp teeth, less than an inch away from her fragile, so easily breakable skin. I shook my head. I couldn't do it. I plunged into her wetness, angling my hips so that I hit that spot inside her that always made her climax. I felt her clench her thighs around my hips as she rose to meet every thrust, I could feel it building within her. 

She moaned beneath me, her breath shaking as her body trembled with her release and she flooded around me again. She turned her face to capture my lips, desperately trying to stifle her screams of pleasure with my mouth, and I knew I couldn't deny her any longer. As my own release spurted into her warmth I kissed her lips then her cheek, across and down to her neck, then sank my teeth cleanly through her willing flesh.

Her hot sweet blood filled my mouth and the monster in my head roared at the taste of her, but I refused to allow my instincts to take over. I wouldn't drain her. I wouldn't kill her. I knew that the more of her blood that I drank, the less time she would spend burning, and I had to spread the venom around her system, which would help too. I glanced up at her face; her eyes were screwed shut, her jaw was clenched against the pain and I knew she was refraining from screaming for my benefit.

I moved quickly, my mouth and hands travelling over her warm body as I continued to bite her in various places over her body, sealing the venom in with a gentle flick of my tongue over the wounds that I made on her wrists, her elbows, ankles, the soft flesh at the back of her knee, then her inner thigh. Oh she tasted so sweet. I moved up her  
body, kissing her as I went, my feelings so conflicted. I hated causing her pain, but somehow I found this the most erotic thing I had ever done in my life. Then I heard a  
single word come in a tight, forced whisper off her lips.

"More."

As sick as it sounded, this was like a dream come true for me. Since the day I met her I had constantly fought to control my desire to drink her, and now I didn't have to fight anymore. She wanted this as much as I did.

I sank my teeth into her soft belly, sipping more of her sweet, life giving fluid, then I moved up over her ribcage to the generous swell of her breast for one final bite, the last point of entry into the fleshy underside of her left breast, right above her heart.

That was it, I was done. I couldn't bear to inflict any more pain on my beloved. I still found it hard to believe that such an amazing person could love someone like me, but that she would endure this pain so that she could be with me forever was unfathomable.

I moved up to lay behind her, cradling her into my embrace. She was still conscious, still awake, but the excruciating flow of the venom as it travelled through her system kept her closed off to me... she wouldn't open her eyes or release her jaw for fear of betraying just how much pain she was in. But I already knew.

"I won't leave you love... not for a second. You won't go through this alone."

She nodded, almost imperceptibly, but I knew she was grateful that we had done this her way. Still, Carlisle's ideas for making her transition easier were compelling, and after tucking the blanket around her nude body I called my father into the room, where he quickly administered a shot of morphine, and injected even more of my venom straight into her heart.

That was it. We'd done all we could for her.

Now all I could do was wait.

* * *

AN: Please review guys... they make me smile. :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just one more chapter to go now - The Epilogue.  
> Reviews make me smile! Please let me know what you think.   
> xx BRL


	30. Epilogue

**Epilogue**

_**Bella**_  
I leaned flat against the stallions' neck as he thundered up the narrow trail, willing the young horse to move faster beneath me as we tore after my son, whose peal of excited laughter floated back to me through the trees. He'd had a head start, but my horse was faster... we were sure to be upon him soon enough... although, it amused me to know that if I wanted to, I could hop off this horse and catch my son even quicker.

I could hear the steady thrumming of hoof beats far behind us as Edward and Rosie followed at their own pace, Edward was clearly more focused on answering the constant stream of questions that Rosalice fired off at him than on joining in our race.

I pushed my horse faster as he broached the hill... fighting the urge to dismount and carry him up the hill. I could already hear the triumphant gloating in my son's mind as he reached the pinnacle and jumped off his horse, and as he came into view I could see that he was once again doing that horrible, gyrating happy dance that his Uncle Emmett had taught him. Damned Emmett! I kept telling him that I was going to teach Emmalie something vulgar to even the score, but I just couldn't bring myself to do it. Besides, with a father like Emmett, I was quite sure that young Emma would be taught plenty of inappropriate things in due time.

With one hand I easily reined my mount in, sliding from his back onto the spongy forest floor before he had completely stopped. I'd grown very attached to this young horse, and I was forever grateful to Kate for giving Les Petite Dejeneur to me as a birthday present after my rebirth two years ago. The yearling colt that she had gifted me with had grown into a stunning 17 hand mountain of muscle, and while he still had a lot to learn, clearly I did too... and he was patient enough that we had both been able to learn together. The sweet and gentle nature of his mother shone through in his placid temperament and good character, and I trusted him enough now to even allow JJ to ride him... not that he could have hurt Jake anyway... I guess that was just the protective mother coming out in me.

Although, Jake was usually pretty happy on his own horse; a stunning grey Arabian gelding named Rajah that Kate had given him for Christmas when he was only ten months old. I never would have guessed that Kate's method of trying to distract me from my grief three years ago would turn into an obsession for my whole family, and a way for us to share time together outdoors.

I stood beside JJ, looking out over the lush green valley before us, and I sighed in contentment as my son leaned into me, resting his head on my arm as he hugged me tightly. I used to escape up here often to think, to reminisce... and to remember my lost daughter in this pretty meadow that had become her final resting place. We had had to move her tiny coffin from the ground at the white house on the river when Alice had seen that her grave was about to be discovered by a group of mischievous trick or treaters on Halloween last year... so Jasper and Alice had relocated her body to this out-of-the-way corner of our property which was thick with the purple flowers of the wild irises that grew in abundance. Jasper had later shared with us all that they had stayed at the house just long enough to scare the living crap out of the group of young revelers... and thus secure the white house's spot in town legend for all eternity as that of a 'haunted house.'

Edward still carried a lot of guilt about Renesmee. At first, he found it harder to visit her grave than I did, and now that I was immortal, I understood that the guilt and shame that he felt would never fade for him, like my anger had for me. He still wept invisible tears by her graveside whenever he came here alone. I had found him up here one night, after our sweet babies were asleep, laying in the soft soil crying her name. I had held him in my arms that night, trying to comfort him as he had so often done for me in the past and I told him again that he was forgiven. Both Renesmee and I had forgiven him... now he must forgive himself. He had proven himself to be such a devoted, adoring father to our son and our human daughter, and the added guilt that he had denied them of knowing their big sister tore him up inside. We both knew we would never be okay with Renesmee's death, but we seemed to have found a way to keep her included in our family with these weekly visits to her grave... and the rest... we just had to put behind us and move on. It was too painful to keep reliving.

Rosalice, JJ and little Emmalie kept us all busy, and constantly amazed us with their growth and progress. Rosie, at age three and a half, was a stunning, precocious, inquisitive whirlwind of energy with an insatiable thirst for knowledge. Her long, fine silver-blond hair hung, when unbound, down to her waist, and her full, pouty red lips, emerald green eyes and pale, heart shaped face made her one of the most beautiful children I'd ever met... and that was without the enhancements of the supernatural beauty that the rest of her family possessed. She couldn't have looked more like a member of the Cullen family if we had planned it that way. Emma was almost a year younger, but had the height and build of a small five year old, and apart from being impossibly stunning and feminine was still the spitting image of her father... a fact which Emmett boasted about constantly.

Thanks to Esme's daily tutoring, and the combined efforts of the entire family, all three children could read and write, draw, and play numerous musical instruments.

JJ aged the quickest, and was remarkably mature for a three year old. He had expressed an immense interest in the human body, and readily soaked up any medical information he could learn from his grandfather. He had made the decision before his second birthday that he wished to be a Doctor too, and Carlisle had almost immediately responded encouragingly by bringing home a cadaver for the boy to study and familiarize himself with, much to Rosalie's disgust. She had been threatening to take Emma and leave the house until the corpse was removed when Edward had laughed aloud at her, reminding her that with the exception of the children, the house was full of dead people... and she shouldn't be casting any stones. Rose had cuddled her daughter close, not allowing her anywhere near JJ's new 'toy', but had stayed, and sat eyeing the thing like it was an abomination.

Rose and Emmett had moved back in after my transformation to help with my babies as I went through my 'adjustment' period, and thankfully, had never left. They kept their beautiful house across town for occasions when they needed 'alone time,' but had moved back into their own wing in the mansion. I was so thrilled that my precious little gift to them had not only made them both so incredibly happy, but had changed them so completely.

Motherhood had transformed Rose into a gentle, happy woman who I was now proud to call one of my best friends; she no longer spent hours in front of a mirror, and could now often be found singing aloud as she danced with her daughter in her arms. She was still opinionated and outspoken, just no where near as bitchy or angry as she used to be. And Emmett... well, Emmett was still Emmett... fiercely protective and eternally mischievous, but he was so clearly smitten with his little family and wanted nothing more than to enjoy every moment of being a parent.

The two little girls were best friends, absolutely inseparable. Emmalie was clearly far ahead of Rosie, development wise, but when compared with the norms for human children of her age, Rosie was incredibly advanced. Edward and I were discussing the possibilities of allowing her to one day attend day classes at a small private school nearby... once she was old enough to understand the weight of our family secrets, of course.

The girls played together constantly; virtually inseparable, especially when it came to their favourite game of dress up. Between them they had literally hundreds of outfits and accessories to play with; most of which had only ever been worn once before Alice had donated it to their ever growing collection. They would sometimes spend hours trying clothes on whichever living model they could sweet-talk; usually Seth, sometimes human, but more often in wolf form, and he would lie there with his head on his paws and roll his eyes as they dressed him in bonnets, cardigans and tutus.

JJ though... ahh, my Jake. Where to begin? To an outsider he would appear to be about eight years old, but no matter how much he grew, he would always be my little boy. It had taken us quite a long time to fully discover the extent of Jake's powers, and even now he occasionally still surprised us with little things. There was no single word that could describe our son. He could communicate with anyone through mental telepathy, but it was a power that he could turn on or off at will, and he could block peoples thoughts just as clearly as he could block his own from anyone, even while still letting others come through, all within the same room at the same time.

He could also physically control behavior and emotion... so for instance if Rosie fell and hurt her knee, not only could Jake erase her pain completely from her mind, but if he had been witnessing the accident as it happened, he could actually prevent it with his mind. Edward called it 'Puppetry.'

But his puppetry wasn't just useful on his little sister, he occasionally used it to interfere with his uncles as they play wrestled... always to Emmett's detriment, of course. Emmett would be about to strike at Jasper, then I would feel a jolt go through my son and suddenly Jasper would be above Emmett's prone form with his brother's thick muscled arms pinned behind his back. Since he was a newborn Jake had loved spending time practicing his skill with his uncle Jasper, who he still seemed to have an uncanny connection to; whether because of the time they spent together before his birth, or because of the similarities in their powers I wasn't sure... but this had made the boy very protective of his favourite uncle.

With Jake's help, I had even learned to control my own shielding powers. Since my transformation, we'd discovered that my ability to block Edward from my mind was actually my own personal defense mechanism, and I had learned to throw it like a blanket over those around me, effectively protecting their minds too. I occasionally used it to attempt to protect JJ from the crudeness of Emmett's mind, but he'd learned to predict my protective behavior and just block me, so it had rapidly lost its effectiveness. I didn't get much of a chance to use it at all actually, but we were all thankful for our various powers, grateful for a chance at defending ourselves should the need ever arise. And we all knew of only one situation when it would... Alice had foreseen it... the day that Aro learned of JJ's gifts. We knew we would have to fight one day. We knew we would have to win. Alice had seen several possible variables, but the more time went on, the better chance we would have. Jake's powers would save our family.

As it stood, Aro knew of JJ's existence; and of Emmalie's... but as yet the Volturi had not attempted to interfere in their upbringing or question the risk of them exposing us to the world, but we knew it would happen one day. I wasn't frightened of much, but the idea of the Volturi getting their evil hands on my son made my chest freeze solid in fear. He was an innocent, with a power so incredibly strong that every day our fears for his safety grew. Edward and I discussed him often; usually late at night as he slept... but somehow, I always got the impression that he knew what had been said.

As he grew, his powers were becoming more defined... more focused... and we all knew that a day would come when he alone would be stronger than all of us put together. If our boy's trust was ever won over by the wrong person, or if the Volturi ever got their hands on him; convinced him to join them, there would be no contest.

We knew that as parents, the only hope we could give him was the best loving upbringing we could... to teach him right from wrong; good from bad... and just hope, that when the time came for him to make his own choices that he would make the right ones... and he would do so with the support of his loving family behind him, whatever those choices may be.

I turned as I heard the heavy canter of Edward's Andalusian mare slow to a walk behind us, and smiled up at my little girl, grinning from ear to ear at the thrill of the ride. Red cheeks shone out from under the hood of her fur lined jacket; her normally opaque skin chilled by the April air, and as I reached up to take her from her father's arms she extended herself down to me, always eager for a cuddle, and wrapped her tiny arms tightly around my granite neck.

I wasn't a religious person, but after the tragedies and horrors that had occurred in my life three years ago, I couldn't help but look upon Rosalice as a miracle for having saved not just me, but this whole family from being destroyed... a fact that she reiterated a little bit more every day. At almost three and a half, she was very intelligent, confident and inquisitive, but it had to be the way that she had adapted to living in such a supernatural world that astounded me the most about her. Her father could read her mind, her uncle could feel her moods, and her brother could do all of that, and a whole lot more... even her cousin could float things across the room with the power of her mind, while her Aunt could predict the future, and then, if that wasn't enough, at the end of the day when she wanted to snuggle up and cuddle her puppy dog, he could transform into a human and cuddle her right back.

She was surrounded by mystery and intrigue, yet it meant nothing to her. It was just her normal life.

After my transformation, it had taken me a couple of months to be comfortable around Rosalice again. It had become clear to Edward that the one week that Seth had removed her from the house for was not going to be enough time for me, so he had taken me to Denali just a few days after I opened my eyes on my immortal life. I still remember that thirst... it was incredible; all encompassing; undeniable... and while I didn't possess anything in way of a rational mind, my maternal instincts were strong enough that I agreed to leave Juneau to protect my babies until I could control myself.

After a few weeks I had begged Edward to take me home, and I was thrilled to learn that I could handle being in the same room as JJ, which I'm quite sure was partially because he was helping to control me, even though he denied it but that sweet, delicate fragrance of Rosie's blood was enough to make me salivate venom like a rabid dog, so we'd had to leave again. I could now fully appreciate how much restraint it had taken Edward not to drink me when we first met... when we were just strangers... before I meant anything to him. It would have been so easy for him... it would have been over so quick... then I never would have had any of this.

No love. No family.

No Edward.

Unthinkable.

I would love to be able to say that I spent those few months pining for my children, but in all honesty, that would be a lie. I like to think that it's because I knew they were being so well cared for by their Grandparents, Aunts and Uncles, but looking back, I can't remember ever giving it much conscious thought. Edward had previously told me that 'his' kind were easily distracted, and on becoming one of them I discovered the potent truth to the those words for myself... and aside from my ever present thirst, there was no greater distraction for me than Edward.

We spent every single minute together, now that I no longer needed to entertain the time wasting activity of sleeping, and when we weren't hunting or exploring, we were making love. Slow, hungry kisses that could have lasted for days, had I had the presence of mind enough to time them, and I easily got lost in the exhilaration of being intimately entwined with my husband for hours and hours without fatigue or pain. I felt this new found thrill of rediscovering just how amazing Edward and I were together, now that I wasn't so breakable.

He taught me how to be like them; Grace and Elegance seemed to come naturally to me now, but there was just so much more that I needed to know about this new world that I had awoken to, and my beloved Edward patiently and lovingly showed me all of it. Those few months together, alone, in many ways reminded me of our honeymoon, but if it was possible there was actually more to our relationship now than there had been back then on the island... and I knew now that it was because of what our relationship had survived through. We were stronger now than ever before. We were very rarely apart from one another, and when in the same room I had the constant need to be touching him in some way, even if it was just my leg pressed against his, or his hand touching my back. We spent each of their waking minutes with our babies, then after they had drifted into their dreams we would have our nights to ourselves, and Edward usually wasted no time in spiriting me upstairs to our room, where we would stay until our little ones needed us the next morning.

Edward had slid from his horse and come to slip his arms around me from behind, nudging my head to one side as he dropped soft kisses up the granite skin of my neck as we watched our little girl playing in the flowers, while our son flitted from one glorious bloom to the next, picking a large bouquet full of only the most perfectly formed flowers to sit atop his sisters grave, as he did every week.

JJ never spoke of Renesmee, but Edward and I knew that he had a complete understanding of the events surrounding her death, in the same way that he always knew when we'd been discussing him. We had always planned to tell him the truth when he was old enough to understand, but by the time we realized he had reached that age, we were certain that he already knew... and he possibly even understood it better than we did.

Then, when the flowers in his hands had grown into a generous bouquet he flitted back to where Edward and I were standing, and with a reverent nod, silently handed the irises to me. I accepted them with a sad smile; I knew better than to be shocked at the compassion I could see in my son's eyes. I felt Edwards arms tighten around me as we both gazed at the beautiful boy before us. Edward reached out and caressed the back of Jake's dark head with his fingertips, until our boy raised his head to meet first my eyes, then his father's, and spoke the words that I would never, ever get tired of hearing, in answer to his father's unspoken thoughts... and to what he could feel coming off me in waves.

"Yeah, I love you too, Dad... and Mom."

He grinned as I pulled him into a tight hug, but grimaced and pushed me away shyly as I pressed noisy kisses to his forehead. Edward laughed. Jake's head suddenly shot up in surprise and glee, and before I knew he had even moved, he had scooted across the meadow to pick up Rosie, and thrown her onto his back.

"Dad, dad! Alice is about to call you... there's a thunderstorm coming, we're going to play! Everyone is going to play this time... everyone! I want to be on Uncle Emmett's team!"

As the words left his mouth Edward's phone buzzed in his pocket. I didn't even need to check the caller ID to know it was Alice, I just smiled and shook my head. Was there nothing that our little boy couldn't do?

JJ ran past me; Rosie clinging happily to his neck, and he called out as he passed.

"We'll meet you there."

Edward hung up the phone just as I nodded my consent, sending Jake and Rosie off in a flash through the trees. Edward just shook his head, watching them go.

"That boy makes me dizzy," he laughed.

I grinned, wrapping my arms around his neck, the bouquet still in my hands, but temporarily forgotten. "The Cullen dazzle. Yes, I know it well. I wonder where he got  
that from."

He pulled me closer, our bodies pressed against each other, his thumb gently tracing my lower lip.

"Do you have any idea just how much I love you?" He whispered the words against the skin of my cheek so that I felt his lips move as he spoke. It sent tingles up my spine.

I pretended to contemplate the question. "Hmmm, about half as much as I love you?" I whispered back.

He growled. "Impossible."

His lips crushed mine, and I melted against him, just enjoying the moment. I would never ever tire of this... not of him, or of the perfection of our family. All of our family, even our little lost Angel, who I said a silent prayer of thanks to as Edward and I, hand in hand, bent to lay the fresh flowers on her grave... for she had taught us one of the most important lessons of all.

Forgiveness.

~ FIN ~


End file.
